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I Know That Something Inside Of Me Has Changed

 

Please do not overlook this story as the ranting of a 15 year old girl. This is an issue that has been affecting my life for about four years now, and to me it is a very serious subject. To the dismay of many reading, this is a 'Help Me!' article, and I apologize in advance to the people that get annoyed by such stories.

I discovered this site maybe two months ago while googling 'I don't feel human anymore.' I'm sure to a lot if people reading right now are expecting me to say something Twilight related or something about how I can control the wind at this point like many other people my age on this site do. However, that is simply not the case. I'm not some twilight fan girl that just so happens to think she's a vampire or some crazy theory like that. I'm just a girl looking for help who, at this point, has seemingly run out of places to turn.

I can't exactly pinpoint a specific date when all of these strange thoughts and feeling started popping into my head. My best estimation was during my seventh grade year so I must have been around 12 years old. That's when I started feeling so different from everyone else, but I also started having psychic experiences. I would randomly think about certain things that would suddenly pop up in my life. It started with little things. I would think of a Cartoon episode and the exact episode I thought about would come on. I wrote these off as lucky guesses. Soon I began having moments of dreaming about things and them happening in full detail the next day. An example of this would be an instance where I was volunteering at a children's hospital and the night before my work day I dreamed that my supervisor in the administration wing wasn't going to be there. I usually don't remember my dreams but that next morning I kept thinking about it. At lunch that day before I went to my administration shift I started daydreaming a bit and I randomly thought about my other supervisor saying to me, "She's not here today, she's in the ICU." When I got to the administration office, the supervisor that I had been thinking about wasn't there. Then to make things even more unusual, my other supervisor said the exact thing I imagined her saying before explaining more in depth.

That was this previous summer but the most alarming incident was about four days ago. I was sleeping and I kept getting a horrible feeling about my cousin/god brother. I just couldn't get his name out my head and I woke up in a slight panic. I went to my mom's room and woke her up. I don't know why but I just kept asking her "where's your phone? Where's your phone?" Her phone was dead on her bed and after she plugged it up and turned it on, it blew up with messages and missed calls from my aunt/ her best friend. It turned out my cousin had been at a party and was shot twice and was currently being treated for a shattered rib.

Personally I'm glad I started with those incidents because even though they baffle me, I've grown so used to occurrences such as these that they don't bother me anymore. I've taken the tests on this site and I'm anything but amazing at choosing a card from a deck.

I would love to get any info on what I explained above but there's something else that has been more, impactful on my life.

Everything I'm about to mention started a little bit more recently, perhaps two or three months ago. Reading over my recollections of everything even I find myself going "this sounds really ridiculous." I've been feeling that something inside of me has changed which initially sparked the 'I don't feel human anymore' google search. That really sums up how I'm feeling. I've looked up just about anything I could and I've been up and down this site for answers, but no accounts fit my experience well enough.

The most mild part of what I'm feeling is just the feeling of being a complete outsider. Even when I'm with a group of friends something inside of me just doesn't want to let me be there peacefully. A daydream for me can turn into an almost catatonic state just pushing me out farther as I think of being someplace else. Not in a sense that I want to get away from people, but more as I feel that there is something out there just waiting for me to figure out that it's there. Over the past few months my attitude and behavior have been completely different. I'm known for being energetic and an extrovert but lately people have been describing me as distant and even my mom has began to get concerned. I used to be able to enjoy myself in large crowds but at this point I can be in a space with a maximum six people before I start to shut down and my mind starts to drift. My daydreams have become my brain going to another world for a moment and I can almost hear something in the back of my brain saying something along the lines of 'she's completely gone.'

However, the worst thing about this new attitude change has to be my temper. I used to be very passive and laughed just about everything off. Now, my phone playing the wrong song has made me punch a hole in my wall. Next to that is my sleeping habits which has just turned into me sitting in my bed daydreaming for hours. My mom home diagnosed it as teenage insomnia, but I knew it was something different. On some nights I would daydream for hours then somehow manage to drift off but I'd always wake up turned around in my bed with ripped up sheets.

I've read up on many things but most of them have just sounded so crazy that I wrote them off. Others got closer to how I was feeling saying things like 'feeling of being alone' or 'feeling almost animalistic' but I wrote those off as well not wanting to feel any crazier than I already was. The one that that caught my attention most out of all of them was the term 'StarChild' mainly due to the feelings of feeling more than human and a strong urge to be free. But even that doesn't completely describe how I'm feeling.

I would hope that if you've taken the time to read this article, then you would take the time to give me a serious answer about both of my issues. I feel so lost at this moment that I've almost given up on myself. I don't think I'm very strong of a psychic so I apologize if you were looking for something more along those lines. To anyone that has any knowledge on the subject, please comment on what you may think is going on with me.

Thank you for looking at my story.

The-cellist

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, The-Cellist, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

soberbo1 (4 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-03-07)
MrE (1 stories) (168 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-03-07)
Just be sure to not give up.

You'll pull through, it'll just take time.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-03-06)
Wow. I feel like this is the closest I've been to figuring this out so far. Thank you everyone that has commented so far, and I'd really appreciate any and everyone's advice that they could give to me in the future.
MrE (1 stories) (168 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-03-03)
Off hand, I would say you are a shifter.

What that means, is that there is a animal spirit closely tied to your own.

It doesn't mean you turn into a animal at a full moon, or that you grow feathers, or can speak to birds, or something silly like that.

What it does mean is that you feel a bit more feral than a "normal" person would.

A "Shift" would be akin to what you describe... You get restless, you lose conciousness, and, when you awake, sheets are torn.
The shift is completely mental/emotional.

Some shifters actually walk for miles when they shift.

Now,being a 15 year old girl, the teenage hormones would also play a part.

And having the psychic ability you do also plays a MAJOR part... In that, not only are you going through hormonal changes, but the people around you are going through changes as well, which WILL affect your energy.

So, one thought is... Pay attention to the phases of the moon, as to when these moods take you, or when they get more pronounced.
Pay attention to things like... A sudden hunger for red, bloody meat. Like, it makes you salivate even thinking of it.
Or any instincts that kick in like stalking the pets around the house.

One possible cure for it, be it shifter, teenage, or psychic related, is... Going out for long jogs, and getting yourself tired out before sleeping.

Another thing to keep in mind is that... If you already have those psychic experiences, you should work on meditating, and balancing your emotions.
That might help a bit with things like getting angry at your phone for the wrong ring tone.
Another thing that might help would be putting your faith in something that is beyond your control.
For myself, I put my faith in God, so that, when a situation is out of my control, I say to myself "I have faith that this is for the best somehow, and that God's will is for the best for everyone and everything."
It takes stress off because I put it in a light where I assume it will be for the best.

Unfortunately, as your age, it is very difficult to align your energy.

In my experience, I was not able to come close to being able to do it until I was about 21.

So the horrible truth is that you might have to suffer through your teenage years, just like everyone else, psychic and not psychic alike.

In any case, I hope to have covered some of the answers you were looking for.
I hope this finds you well, and God bless.
madkiller56 (5 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-02-23)
o yeah and I'm doing great btw;) patience my girl, your a big thinker like I am, I understand you completely so if you feel the need to talk feel free to do so
madkiller56 (5 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-02-23)
your gift is coming up, your a daydreamer just like I am, I was just like you around the age of 12 and I myself around 17 had gotten less social, a low temper, frustrated, feeling lonely and different, this is a hard change but since your a girl it comes 1 to three years earlyer because girls are simply faster evolved on spiritual level. You are confused about yourself of things that are happening that cannot be explained, you are frustrated with yourself and life, your a daydreamer, thinkin and thinking on. You can see everything clearly in your mind when you think of whatever you think. Thinking too much makes you feel more unpleasant in crowds, your exhausting your mind, having doubts all the time, your changing but you don't wantto change in the way you are. If this is all true what I just said then read on or else I'm just wasting your time. I know what your going through and what you feel took me from 17 until 21, I'm now 22. I was depressed, less social, always exhausted and daydreaming seemed to be my only distraction yet it was my burden. You may have had a bad past? Once you get older all that negative energy comes free once you get older. If you believe in demons don't be afraid, we all have demons trying to force us on a bad path. You have to accept that your getting older and the happy little girl is no more. You may be different then others but you are special, your mind and soul is trying to figure out for who you are and that can be stressfull, it took me 4 to 6 years to recover from what you are experiencing right now but I have walked also on the wrong path and had a bad childhood so that didn't combine really well xD your demon is trying to tell you in your mind that shes gone but that's what the little nasty troll wants you to believe, don't pay attention to your negative thoughts because it will only bring more negativity. I had thoughts like seeing my mother die or being murderd, that I contstantly have the word cancer in my head and I couldn't stop it, that I'm nothing and that I can do nothing, that a voice in my head says to a girl next to me your ugly all the time while shes beautiful.

So don't be worried, your young and your becoming a mature woman, all you need is balance, and talk about it with your love ones, don't seperate yourself from others and force yourself to not listen what the bad voice says to you.

Greetings,

Michael van den Heuvel
7Ringing-Out7 (3 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-02-22)
I too am 15 and feel different from many of the kids at school. Try looking into Indigo Children and see how you might relate to anything like that. Also feel free to msg. Me.
The_Scientist (4 stories) (5 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-02-21)
I may have some experience with this, though I'm still figuring it out myself. I have always been somewhat of an introvert but recently, as in the past couple months or so it was like a switch flicked in my head and I am different. People around me can feel the change too. My mom has also become concerned but I know, though I can't explain how, other than the back of my mind telling me, "Everything is going to be fine." I have to say, some of the stuff that has happened to me over the past couple months, it seems like it's straight out of a t.v show, which makes it hard to believe. I still can't believe it. I'd really like to hear more about the change your going through. Maybe I can help more.
-The_Scientist

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