Fate Or Free Will?

Today, I did a lot of research on twin flames and soul mates because I'm not familiar with any terms. (I.e.: indigo, sensitive, smudge, empath, etc.) I still have a long way to go with research and learning! I guess I'm just like a lot of other people trying to figure things out.

Anyway, after my findings today I've come to the conclusion that I met my twin flame! I read that your twin flame could also be your soul mate. I'm unsure of how true that is, and what qualifies for this to be so, however, either way it excites me while also saddening me. Why does it seem that everyone that finds their twin has some sort of tragic separation?

I met my twin in January of 2011 and he disappeared from my life on September 23rd of 2012, suddenly. I have not been able to find him. I can give some insight on him. He was pretty much born and raised in Los Angeles, CA. He lived a rough life surrounded by gang activity, drugs, death, violence, and everything I thought only happened in movies. You see, I on the other hand was born and raised in Miami, FL and my life was pretty much peaches and cream. I was spoiled, had high expectations to meet from my family, and very innocent. We were polar opposites from opposite sides of the country, but our personalities merged perfectly.

Where he lacked patience I made up for and taught him how to have more of it. Where I lacked aggressiveness he got onto me and toughened me up. We did bump heads a lot, but we also couldn't be apart. We had so many of the same views on things and in the end we taught one another so many valuable lessons.

The weird thing is we never actually met in person. Somehow we connected before we ever spoke to one another. We had only seen each other's pictures. A mutual friend put us on because I thought he was impossibly attractive.

My friend teased and embarrassed me and despite me saying "no don't tell him anything," I didn't mean those words. Something about him pulled me in so deep and I had to give it a shot. It wasn't something I would normally do. This had to be something deeper.

From day one, we talked for hours, learned about each other and our opposite lives, slept on the phone together and sat in silence appreciating the strange presence of one another. We couldn't sleep well without the phone to our ears knowing one another is there.

We could talk about anything whatsoever and be completely comfortable. We did these types of things almost every single day up until the day he disappeared.

He would joke about how he'd aggravate me forever until the end of time and I would just have to put up with it because we loved each other so much. I wish I had the knowledge I have now so that I could mention twin flames to him.

Furthermore, we both believed in the mysterious and unexplainable. He had his experiences (such as doing drugs and nearly committing suicide before having some kind of angel appear and spread huge wings before him) and I had mine. He would ask me sometimes about karma and destiny.

He believed his old life (he was turning his life around) would catch up with him and he didn't want to die young. He has a young son that I believe to be 8 or 9 years old now. He questioned me on these things because he went through a series of unfortunate events that should have taken his life.

I always told him, "maybe they're just signs for you to turn your life around. Be a better person. Obviously something or someone wants you here because you should've or could've been gone a long time ago." He told me that I gave him a feeling of comfort. To hear my voice made everything better and I always had the best answers.

His best friend's (whom he also called his sister) death on Sept. 23rd caused his disappearance. She was supposedly doing drugs and overdosed. This was eerie to me because they both expressed that they had bad feelings in her bedroom.

They felt negative energy, and I even watched their dog react to this presence over webcam chat, staring at a mirror, and when the mirror was moved she still stared into the corner.

Her mom found her body in her car, but she shouldn't have. He knew what happened. He had to have been there. The days after that I felt connection with him, but it was different. Sort of vague.

In the first few days of mystery I found myself going through email accounts and our friend's accounts to help her mom get rid of pictures and things that were no longer needed. There were times when I couldn't think of passwords and just needed help but had no one.

I was on the verge of giving up, then out of nowhere the information I needed seemed to just appear in my head. It was freaky! This had never happened before, but it was cool. Could this have been my twin or his friend communicating with me?

Since September 25th of 2012 I've been looking for him and I've gone through some pretty serious ups and downs with depression. I lost that feeling of connection and intuition after a few months and 2 things stopped: premonition and shadows from the corners of my eyes, but something new started around the one year anniversary. I had dreams about my twin and his sister, along with very violent dreams, containing death, that I didn't enjoy.

In dreams with my twin and his sister, I was actually with them at her house, face to face. It felt so real. I'd always forget to ask the burning question of "where they are and what happened?"

I don't know why but everything felt normal and calm. We even had a good time in some dreams, joking and laughing. The times that I did remember to ask my questions they never really gave me straight answers. I've recorded these dreams in my journal and here's an excerpt:

"I'm trying to figure out if only we can see her or if other people can see her too. She let's it be known that only people close to her could see and hear her. We talk about a number of things and I ask many questions. I feel like we talked about everything I've been meaning to ask... But I can't remember anything she told me."

This is also when I started to be visited by shadow people while asleep. (This is mentioned in my other story.) I know they probably fed off of my negative energy.

So let's fast-forward and here I am today, still trying to solve the mystery and find my twin. On May 22nd I found a suspicious little slip on the ground in front of the front door of the house. I noticed no other houses had this paper. What it turned out to be was a phone number for a psychic with some other text about getting solutions to problems. Did someone know I needed help? Why, of all places on this windy day, is it at my door?! Why didn't it blow somewhere else?

I slightly considered calling the number, but I instead began to look for answers to some questions, then came across this community. It was kind of like I had a list of directions in my head and followed each one exactly. Now, here I am, finding people to relate to that could also possibly answer my questions and help me...

I can feel a presence with me again and I'm also seeing shadows a lot within the past few days, perhaps because I've been recently reawakened.

I still have burning questions...

What's going to happen now?

Will I be able to reconnect with my twin and his sister?

I read a little bit on astral projection, but how does that work?

I'm nowhere near that experienced with this... I have so much to learn.

All of these things from losing my twin to stumbling upon that paper and this website make me wonder is this fate or the result of someone's doing?