The Odd Ball

I feel as though I should give some background... Start from "the beginning".

When I was 18 months old my mom and I were in an accident driving home on Christmas Eve. Granted, I do not remember any of this but I trust my mother's story.

We hit a patch of black ice and rolled the car 6 times down a bank into a creek, only stopping when we hit a tree. Back in those days it was debatable where to put an infants car seat which my parents had argued about earlier that night. Luckily my dad (who was not in the car with us at the time of the accident) won the argument and my car seat was put in the front that night rather than the back. I say luckily because the back of the car resembled a broken pancake.

Anyways, my mom says when the car stopped we landed upside down and the windshield had shattered. I must have my father's deep sleep genes because I slept through the whole thing with my stuffed dog, Scruffy, protecting my face. My mom eventually got us both out of the car safely and we were both perfectly fine. She believes this to be a miracle and I'll tell you why. A golden rosary. Her sister had visited Jerusalem a few weeks prior and brought the rosary back with her for my mom. This was said to be a sacred relic and my mom decided to keep it on her review mirror. We were undamaged and the rosary was never found.

I believe this to be the beginning because my mom claims after this things began to occur. Things like stuffed animals making their way into my crib all by themselves throughout the night. She believed I had an angel watching over me.

I won't discredit any of this, I just know what I've experienced. Growing up I never really felt alone. I had trouble sleeping and would have vivid nightmares.

I feel that something was carried back with me from that ordeal. There are times that I've felt comforted, like the time a woman who I thought was my mom sat at the end of my bed late hours of the night while I was sick. Later to find out she was not in my room that night. To waking up to a shadowy man in my bedroom doorway who I thought at the time was my dad checking on me before leaving for work, only to find out the next day it wasn't him.

I've seen figures that scare me, even as an adult. I've heard my name being called by absolutely no one and yet I've chosen to ignore it.

Even though my mother believed it was an angel, she always strongly discouraged me researching any of this. Even when it kept me up at night. (I would sleep every other night throughout high school because I was afraid of the presence in our house.)

Sometimes I get strong feelings that are not my own. I have very high anxiety. I get very strong gut feelings and sometimes know something when I have no idea how or why, even where the idea came from.

Even now as an adult the sudden surge of emotions can be alarming.

Sometimes I wonder are they my own or somebody else's? If so who? And why?

Today I was told by somebody I've never met that I have a gift. That I feel spirits. While I think I've always known this, it took somebody telling me flat out to stretch out of my denial.

So this is the part where I ask for any and all advise I can get.

What do I do with this? Where do I go from here?