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The Curse I Live With

 

I guess I will start at the beginning. I have always had the ability to remember things most people don't, such has being a baby or my very 1st nightmare. I was about a 18 months old, I wore a soft white footie pajamas with the pink flowers on them. It was me on a roller-coaster and it was awful, but that's a whole other story.

My mother would always catch me talking to nothing or at least she assumed it was nothing. I even have some pictures she took of me sitting in front of the TV while it was off and talking to whatever. This was in 1980 so pre-scary movie about ghosts and such. So part of me believes I was born with this curse and I will get to why I feel it is a curse not a gift later.

Another part of me feels my abilities were amplified when I drowned during the summer when I was 3yrs old. It was a brief drowning, as my mother was trained lucky for child CPR.

We were in the Gulf of Mexico at one of the local beaches on the west coast. There were daily afternoon storms so it wasn't unusual for the locals to be in the water when storms were rolling in. It makes the waters a bit more choppy and it was fun to ride the waves on our raft. My mom always had a hand on me at all times but a rogue wave caught her off guard and under the water I went. My brother went under too so she was trying to get both of us. She though she had my wrist but it was my ankle. She was getting my brother and since she thought she had my wrist that meant I was above the water. I was not nor could I surface since she had my ankle. I remember screaming and then it went black. I do not remember what happen if anything did while it was black. Next I was throwing up water, vile salty water.

Nothing really worth mentioning happened aside from seeing a cowboy like shadow figure in my room at night, that would speak in a deep muffled voice. Never could make out what he said, I was always terrified of him but felt safe... Figure that out, as I haven't. I believe this was the spirit that I might have been speaking with as a baby but sadly those are fuzzy memories.

Anyway, I started just knowing things that were just weird and some times morbid. People would ask me what I was going to do when I grew they normally got more than they bargained for.

I would tell them I would be a mommy but only for 3 years then I would die. I still remember some of their faces would go from smiles to horrified, as I would just casually go back to coloring or playing. No one ever told my parents cause they never addressed it if they did. I held this firm belief of dying 3 years after my 1st child and I knew her name as well. Sarah Nicole.

I became pregnant at 15. The guy I was with we were going to make it work and get married. At the time I did not know he was in with the drug crowd. Mainly because I didn't hang with his friends. It wasn't until he said he couldn't do this (I was 6 months pregnant) and he was breaking up with me, that something amazing happened. I had a moment where I had the choose, fight for him and make him stay or let him go. I chose to let him go and it was the most amazing thing I have ever done.

All my life or at least since 3 I thought I would die again 3 years after the birth of my daughter. However, when I said it was ok for him to leave and that I could handle raising our child alone, my whole life opened up literally. I burst into tears of joy, not sorrow. I didn't care he left me because I saw what my kids looked like, what I looked like silvered hair on my front porch, rocking a grand baby I presumed.

So, I would still have weird dreams here and there and would see my cowboy ghost here and there but nothing as note-worthy as the last. I was just enjoying when I would get flashes of the next seasons while driving down the road.

Now like I said, I feel this is a curse not a gift. The reason I feel this way is because of how it is amplifying again. The latest was my Aunt coming to me and telling me she was going to die. At 1st I thought it was some bizarre dream until my mom called me moments after I woke up to tell me my Aunt was in a serious coma and might not make it. Normally I don't tell anyone but my husband about my "real" dreams but that one I blurted out to my mom, who was disturbed by the thought of her coming to me cause it had happened over the night. She has passed away, it was a freak reason that she became sick so I can't even chalk it up to my nervous brain thinking the worst.

I'm now struggling with seeing possible infidelity with my husband, who if you knew him would be shocked. He is the "nerdy" type. Always playing video games over going out to the bar. However this last precognition type dream was just about too much for me to bare. So this is why it's a curse not a gift because knowing when someone is dying or possibly cheating is just not pleasant.

Also I don't know why I have this or really how to use it. It's not like you can just go up to just anyone and be like hey there, don't go that way to work, something bad might happen. They would just look at you like your crazy. We watch shows on this kind of thing but when it happens in real life you are labeled crazy so people like me just keep it in.

I'm really not sure what to do with the precognition type dreams and visions that I'm having about my husband. Which while I am trying to type this out in proper grammar and spelling is texting me every game possible he wants for Christmas...

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, RogueBunny, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

carri (22 stories) (221 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-09-07)
You are gifted not cursed. You can see the truth before others. While other people can lie and be deceived you cannot. It is a gift. But if you have any dreams of emergency, warning or death try to pray the disaster away amen.
laurencat (8 stories) (20 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-09-03)
I would try to figure out how to use precogniton. The general population is not going to understand intuition or psychic abilities right off the bat. People need time to grow. You need to find your own value in regards to your abilities. I am not strongly sensitive in the intuitive or psychic sense. I just starting out on a spiritual journey. I was born with Cerebral Palsy. I am also transgender. When I was younger, I thought I was super different from everyone else because I was physically disabled. When I finally made it out into the "real world," I realized that sometimes adults can be more ignorant than children. Once I started to acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, I stopped worrying about why I was inferior to everyone else. I have my own shortcomings just like all the other people in this world. My gift in this life is that of a mental one. I am quite a good writer when I really put effort into it. I also come up with ideas and plans that no one else sees at first glance. This is because I like to take my time and allow things to stew for awhile before any action is taken. The world can sometimes be so focused on speed that the quality of everything undertaken goes downhill. Everyone goes at his or her own pace, and he or she must adapt a lifestyle that compliments this individualistic pace. It is only when a person tries to adapt him or herself to someone else's speed that he or she "fails." No one fails because he or she is not good enough. People fail because they try to match up to something that is not for them.

Be yourself and trust in your abilities. If other people do not believe in you, then keep pushing forward. Do not give them the time of day. You know who you are, and that is what matters.

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