I wasn't much to think I was some sort of medium most of my life until a few years ago when someone reached out to me about these experiences I seem to have a lot. I normally don't tell a lot of people about this because I have convinced myself long ago I was either just crazy or people were just putting these crazy thoughts in my head. My family has always been very in tune with their spiritual side. Especially my mother's side of the family.
My first true experience was when I was 13 years old. There may have been some when I was younger but this event stands out above the rest. My mom was noticing that my depression and anxiety was starting to get worse so she bought me a journal to track my feelings in. There was a big problem. Aside from the normal teen angst I had no idea why I felt hopeless all the time. But my mother seemed to be digging more and more into spiritual enlightenment. She bought this book called "The Power of Now" and I have yet to read this myself but my mother began to talk about the keys to life and the soul. Thirteen-year-old me had no idea what she was talking about. One day she took me out to spend time with me just one-on-one. And there was this sinking feeling conjuring in my stomach. Then this terrible thought came to my head. "What would I do if my mother died?". This question was completely irrelevant at the time. My mother was healthy... Or so it appeared. This feeling only gets worse throughout the week. I start panicking at the thoughts of losing my mother. Then we did a tarot reading together. There were a few key cards in this hand that really went hand in hand with the thoughts I was having all week. The immediate future foretold that I would completely shut down and hide away from everyone. And the external influence was death. Just the week later my mother commits suicide.
Ever since then I get this feeling of impending doom before death happens. And I also get really sick before something bad happens.
I also can feel emotional energy of almost everyone I am around. I am currently living in a house where a lot of death has and abuse has occurred in both the current and previous owner lives. The walls hold a lot of sadness and every time I come home my mood is always pulled down with it. I try to fight it but it is increasingly getting harder to do so. I can feel when my brother is angry or sad and be in another room. I can feel my friend's emotions from a great distance and I don't even need to physically meet them to feel when something is wrong.
I don't know if I am just putting these thoughts in my head. But if I am not I need help. I want to learn how to stop this because I don't know what my own emotions are anymore, and if I am even capable of feeling my own emotions. Is there any advice someone could give me?