I have been getting involuntary messages in my dreams for quite some time. Images, sounds, movies sometimes. Even conversations.
I know that sometimes those are my memories, but sometimes it's definitely something that is based in the future. Problem is, when I come across those things, I get angry and I cry. And, I've also lashed out and then cry at people when I should really know better. I was freaking out about doubting myself. I almost ripped a friend a new one and instead cried on my mom who insists that I need medications this evening.
So there's that. And I've been having dreams about the Trump presidency. Not a whole lot, but enough to upset me. I mean, I have dreams about the good stuff too-- the little things. My friends and their families. I'm wondering if I dream of the days that might be bad for me. Or that might end up not doing so well. Or days that change things for me and for others in my life? I just don't know. I try not to appoint any significance to them because then it just hurts too much. It's just the way things are.
I did write them down for a while. But I actually stopped writing down things last year because they were so insistent, and it became too much. Especially when it became clear that it was interfering with work. So, I tried refocusing on work last year, as a priority, and sometimes that works. Other times it does not. I'm just really tired of it at this point. Other problems-- I have been through a few traumatic events in the past few years, and doctors are a huge no for me because of the trauma I went through. I don't trust them at all.
But I'm afraid of the future. Of chasing away all my friends and family and whatever potential love interest. Is that silly?
I don't know what to do anymore.
Can anyone help? Maybe just knowing I'm not alone in my experiences would help as well.