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Meditation Malfunction

 

This "story" I suppose will be a tad long, so I hope someone reads it all the way through. For starters, I'd say that I've always been drawn to the spiritual realm, and probably manifested around the age of 5 or so. I can't necessarily recall having anything happen directly, but as I got older, I remember seeing, hearing, and feeling spiritual presences. My parents were quite religious growing up, and I didn't have any kind of guidance or person that I could go to per se with these "problems." As a teen I always found myself being drawn to spirits as well, and now in my early twenties, I'm just now trying to sort all of this out. A few months back, I was with a close friend. He had wanted to contact his deceased grandfather, so I agreed to try to contact him (I had no prior experience at this time). So I googled the fastest way to do so. I used candles, and salt. I initially started trying to talk to said spirit. Nothing happened, so I said goodbye, blew out the candle and just sort of gave up. However, I didn't realize that my friend had in fact lit another candle across the room. Well about this time, I look diagonally to him, and see a figure. It was hazy, and then I lost my vision. I couldn't see anything, but I just kept hearing a man gasping for air, and an oxygen tank depleting. When I finally came to, I was hysterical in tears, and my friend had been shaking me. He said that I had went into a seizure like state, and was unresponsive. I proceeded then to tell him what had happened, and he started crying. He said his other grandfather (the one we WEREN'T trying to contact) died because he was taken off of oxygen and his father and uncles watched him take his last few breaths. Well this is where I'd say that my spiritual awakening began. Since then, I've been trying to learn all that I can, and do all I can to awaken my abilities. However, I'm truly terrified. Apart from that experience, I've had several others in the past. Being a naive college student, and doing fads that probably shouldn't be done, several of my other friends and I had played a game called "Red Door Yellow Door." Which is essentially a game where you astral project or meditate into the spirit realm I guess. Well every time I would play, I would see a dark haired woman. I don't get a feeling that she's evil, nor good. But every time she states that she "can see me." This terrifies me to no end. I know that as a potential medium, I am beacon. I draw any and every spirit. But, how/why does this one particular spirit keep showing up? I don't believe she's a spirit guide, nor a protector of some sort. And when I meditate, although not often (because of fear), I see what I perceive to be evil spirits. I don't want to continue to develop my abilities if all I draw in is evil spirits. I try my best to be uplifting, positive, kind, generous, etc. My intentions are also pure. So I'm confused as to why I'm getting all of these negative energies when I meditate. This has also put a halt on me developing my mediumship abilities further because I'm just too scared to let something in if I'm being targeted. So I'm very stuck emotionally and spiritually and I feel like I can't turn to anyone because I feel as if they can't relate or would harshly judge me, thus causing me to write this extensive and probably extremely boring story on here. I'd greatly appreciate it if someone could help me, give me answers, or even some advice. I'm extremely humbled to be apart of this community, even if I still have a lot to learn, and I don't want to be scared away. I'd very much like It to develop these abilities, and not shy away from something that I had suppressed for so many years already. I will take anything and everything said with the utmost amount of respect. Bless all of you, and thank you ever so much.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, xcsx, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

xcsx (1 stories) (8 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-31)
starsofclay, yeah I know exactly how you're feeling, or I can relate. For some odd reason, I feel like I have two. Every time I meditate and try to contact them, I see, what I think is them initially. But then, other things start coming into the picture, and my guides fade away quite fast. And these demons, or malevolent spirits, just start screaming at me, and I see horrible images. I don't understand if I'm deranged or not lol. I've been told that my guides are supposed to help me in terms of that, closing out negative spirits. But so far, nothing. I don't have their names really either. I feel alone as well, it sucks not having guidance.
starsofclay (4 stories) (61 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-30)
Xcsx, I know how it feels with not hearing from spirit guide (s). As far as I've come, I do kind of feel alone in this process because my guides have not reached out to me yet either. It's hard to say if I've just blocked them out though. So instead I've been working to establish direct contact with my subconscious, its pretty fun and great practice. There is a great book called,"the genie within"... You should check it out.

I did have one dream a few weeks ago where a woman told me she was my spirit guide, but she was kind of in and out very quickly, and I have no idea right now if it was just my subconscious trying to please me. It was hard to catch her name, even after asking her to repeat it twice, I think it started with an "m". But the rest was kind of gibberish to my dream ears.
xcsx (1 stories) (8 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-30)
starsofclay, reading your response really helped me realize that I can't shut it out, that I can only continue to work on it until it's resolved. I am humbled by your words, but I believe every gift, is special. So I'm sure I'd be very lucky to have your abilities as well! Thank you so much for your perspective and your words. It was very appreciated, and good luck with developing your abilities!
xcsx (1 stories) (8 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-30)
Lol definitely misunderstood! I apologize KikiGirl! I definitely agree though. Good always with the bad. I just don't seem to understand why I'm not getting through to any good spirits. I've tried calling to my spirit guide/protector, but he/she won't answer. I've tried several times now with no such luck. I just feel as if something could potentially be wrong. What do you suggest?
starsofclay (4 stories) (61 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-28)
xcsx,
That's a good story. Definitely sounds like some medium qualities. If you are afraid of the spirits though, then unfortunately your guides and subconscious will start to filter them out, until you are closed off completely. Instead, just do some protection "prayers" or meditations and also know that the good comes with the bad, and neither can really hurt you. Unless maybe one picks up a rock and throws it at your head... But unless that knocks you out, did it really hurt you? Haha, I know that sounds bad, but it was just something that occurred to me the other day and I think it's pretty fitting.

Don't shut yourself down, a lot of people work very hard and only wish they had abilities like yours, myself included.

So do some research for protection, but also how to transmute the negative energy or spirits that still come through.
KikiGirl (3 stories) (60 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-28)
Lol xcsx! You've misunderstood what I was saying! I was making a point that if you are dealing with one side of an issue, you have to deal with ALL of the sides - for EXAMPLE if you are in a relationship, you have to know your partner, the good and the bad. You can't have one without the other.

I was saying that because you are a positive or happy-go-lucky person, the secrets to unlocking your gifts might include emotion/s, and darkness and negativity will challenge that. There has to be balance.
xcsx (1 stories) (8 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-27)
[at] KikiGirl, thank you for your feedback. It's appreciated. I am on this site quite often actually, checking for feedback or any other advice people have to offer. I however don't understand how you got that I was out of shape? I think maybe that you misunderstood one of my experiences. But I appreciate your feedback, nonetheless. Thanks again!
KikiGirl (3 stories) (60 posts)
 
12 months ago (2017-01-26)
Hi xcsx I see that you posted this some time ago. Are you still on the website? You know, often, what we are most happy with and makes the most sense to us will be challenged psychically or spiritually. If your out of shape, you will have to eventually look into gym or health remedies. It is also natural to sometimes encounter it.

It is probably because you can work with the light that you will find a challenge or lesson in the darkness. Although you can choose to stick to your guns and completely throw-out anything to do with the bad or darkness.

This site has a sister-site: www.yourghoststories.com - if you are still looking or answers you can post your new stories there or add this one!

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