Ever since I can remember, I've always been able to sense spirits or entities around me. For a while (my early 20s) I felt that I was starting to accept my talent, rather than being afraid of what I was experiencing. I had a number of close family members pass away throughout my adolescents and, during this time, I felt I was beginning develop a sense of communication with them, especially my grandmother. I also feel like the spirits I have encountered throughout my life have guided, protected, and/or educated me on things in ways that I am not sure I can articulate.
However, this all began to change after I experienced a strange sleep paralysis-like state one night when I was 26 years-old. (I've tried explaining this to other people and most think I'm being over dramatic.) I was laying with the lower half of my body laying on its side, while my torso was laying flat on my back. I was woken up by the feeling of my body being pushed down into my bed by two points of pressure on both shoulders. My body was paralyzed and I couldn't move. Although I couldn't see anything, I could sense that there was something standing approximately 10 ft. Away just watching me. Eventually I decided I was going to mentally "fight back" at whatever was pushing me down by thinking to myself, "Leave me alone." Within seconds I could move my elbow at the joint and made a sweeping motion like I was pushing something off me. Then I was able to move. I was royally freaked out but knew I couldn't let my fear get out of control. For some reason I always just felt growing up that I needed to stand my ground because fear made whatever was around me worse. The next day I smudged my apartment, heard some crazy banging on my walls during the process, and then called my spirit guides in to help (my deceased relatives). I asked for their protection and tried to mentally block out what happened. Since this experience I feel like I've lost all connection to my spirit guides or other entities completely. It's been almost a year and I feel like I haven't been visited by any spirits or gotten any messages. I'm nervous to "invite" or ask for connections with the spirit world (I'll just call it that) for fear of inviting bad energies or spirits in.
Anyone have an ideas of what's going on? It sounds lame but I miss my grandma and I would really like to start feeling her presence again. Am I losing or growing out of this ability? Any help/ideas would be appreciated!
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It could be that your "relatives" were a trick, and this is to help you not trust it, because it lies. I'm not saying for sure, but I have seen enough trickery to suspect it. You have to be not knowing to transmute fear. This means, do not judge the situation as this or that, ever. No matter how tempted you are to think that you know, you have to humbly admit that you could have been deceived. No "it must have been my relatives!" Simply admit to yourself that you don't know. Otherwise you may end up feeding it, giving it power. This doesn't mean you disbelieve, this means agnostic. No knowledge either way. You don't know truth.
Have you considered nihilism as a possibility? If not, then you will be open to deception. What if it is just multidimensional entities taking some life force energy from you and using it as a mask to pretend they are your relatives, and that's what it was doing the whole time? Masquerade. That is typical of dieties, or daemons. Look up daemon in the original Greek meaning, they are both good and bad, kind of like the daemon Yaweh, the God of the Bible, see Isaiah 45:7.
Being watched by evil eye causes soul loss, which by definition is fear, disease, loss of spiritual power, and eventually death, if you are not delivered. Something was watching you with evil eye. Sucking your power away like you're a battery so it can use it for it's own purposes, then from the looks of it punishing you with more fear if you face the devil and start opening up to your powers again. The evil eye on you is not that it is an evil spirit, deities/daemons are both good and evil. So, it is your trainer. They usually curse before they bless, so it is a curse. The negative energy utilized in cursing you flips around and becomes positive if you are delivered, and you get a blessing.
Not that I know anything, but I would surmise based on my own experience with dieties like this is that it's purpose is to make you stronger psychically, tearing you down to build you up later once you have faced your shadow. You have to face it fearlessly though. This is not done by trying to face it, it is grace, so you really just don't judge it, which means in essence do nothing with it. It will put on a front as some big scary thing vamping your soul away, but then take off it's mask and begin to teach you it's lesson, give your soul back and the light side. Face the daemon, defeat it. It may be a struggle to get the blessing though, a good Biblical reference for this is Genesis 32:22-32. I'm rooting for you, beat the darn thing, get your blessing! Do not judge it as good or evil at all, ever, and you will defeat it. If you judge it as good, it will prove you wrong because it was bad, if you judge it as bad, it will prove you wrong because it is good. It's both, so it's nothing really. Kinda like Zen or Buddha mind. Bring it's power polarity to equilibrium with non judgment and it transmutes into your power, instead of something other than you made from your power. Get your power back. Retrieve your soul. Eat it's soul in other words instead of it eating yours. It's soul is made out of digesting yours anyway, so it is really rightfully yours so to speak.
Despite all that I have said I still will proclaim, I don't know anything and never have.