Ready To Embrace It

Just recently I have started thinking again a lot about psychic abilities. I have been watching several different shows and I am starting to realize how much I have in common with these psychics, and I am starting to wonder if I can embrace this because I feel that I am ready to where when I was younger I definitely was not.

When I was 15 I started realizing that things where going on that nobody else would notice, and it very much scared me because I thought that I may be crazy. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and Sleeping disorder from a very young age.

A few years later on, he said I was bi-polar, however the medicine made me so sick apparently that was not what was wrong with me. I was put on medication for all these different things. I started thinking maybe something else may be wrong with me.

I started having a lot of weird experiences when I was 15. I told my mom and she completely did not believe me. My tv was changing channels on me in the middle of the night. She said I was somehow touching the remote. Although somehow even when she took my remote away from me and took the batteries out just to be sure, it kept happening. When my mother would be present in the room hardly nothing would ever happen and if it did she just dismissed it even though my grandma and many friends had experienced it with me. At different points in my life the frequency of how my channels change and the volume going up is different.

It hardly does it anymore but there where time where it would not stop going up. I would fight with it, with the remote and press in the opposite direction it was going to try and get it to stop. It wouldn't, sometimes it would do it the whole night but I was scared to sleep in the dark and with no noise. Funny thing is if my mom walked into the room, it would suddenly stop, but if it was my grandma it would keep going. I really thought at the time that I was haunted by ghosts and it was taunting and teasing me. I know that these things where actually physically happening, but I still questioned my sanity.

To make matters worse my mom told my psychologists, who was treating for my sleeping problem, and it started years of medication that progressively made me even more sick because in my belief there was never anything wrong with other that the paranormal stuff I would experience. It has been nearly 3 years since I have been off of it and I have never been better in my life. Towards the end the psychologist had told me that he believed that I was a sensitive, and that it may be too much for me to handle the emotions and feeling that I got, and I just wasn't prepared for it.

I have since then ignored everything that I have experienced, because it brought a lot of hardship between my family and I. Plus I just wanted to be normal, but now I feel that one way or another I am fully prepared to figure out what has happened to me if I am psychic or sensitive I want to embrace it and not be scared of it, and if I could get help learning what to do safely. Or if I am not then I'll deal with that too.

Other experiences I deal with on a daily basis: I believe I sense energy fields. I don't know if it's on a physical, emotional, or spiritual level because if a real person walks behind me, I'll get like goose bumps or a sharp spike through my body to where you have to shrug your shoulders, it such a strong feeling, if I don't know they are there. Also I get the same exact feeling when nobody is behind me. Then I wonder if I had just sensed something. I also will get parts of my body will just get so cold and I'll get goose bumps and sometimes my heart will flutter.

I had an experience yesterday where I was sitting down talking to my boyfriend's mom. It just got cold, I had goose bumps from the top of my thigh to about mid-way down the my lower part of my leg. Yet I was sweating everywhere else because I was so hot. Why is that? If they are trying to get my attention I'm not getting it. I don't hear words or see anything really.

Sometimes I get feelings but other than that not much I just sense them I think. In the past I have felt maybe they get upset because I cannot understand them. I will feel really sad or disappointed after and experience like that I will just feel really bad. I do tend to be overly emotional it's almost too much at times. The problem isn't my own emotions, I can handle, but if it's an emotion I get because of something, somebody else went through. I get ridiculously over emotional. I have to calm myself and it's all internal. I don't think it's something I show on the outside. I have however gotten better at controlling that. I truly feel 100% that I am not mentally ill now, but at the same time I am not sure what it is that I am experience I know it's real but am I reading to far into it.

A few other experiences that I have had: seeing a man when I was a little girl that used to stare at me when I would play alone. He very much frightened me but I have not seen him since I was probably 8 or 9. He had no face. The doctor had me draw him out and my mom thought it looked a lot like my dad and maybe I was imagining it, but I was never to sure of that. I also used to experience scratching in the walls in my room which also scared me. I would also hear my name being called out. I would go ask my mom what she wanted and she would say she never called me. Electrical equipment always breaks with me or acts up. I had already written another story about that.

When I was 16, I was in my boyfriends hallway and I had a cat run across my legs. It scared me because I didn't know he had any animals. So I said when did you get that cat. He laughed he asked what did it look like and I said black and white and he said oh that sounds like Oreo. Then I said well when did you get him, he said he passed away a couple years ago. I think that spooked everybody.

I also think that I experienced a message from my great-grandma. After she died the house was slightly remodeled, including our bathroom. Soon after that was done, paint started chipping away from the ceiling. And it started to me looking like letters, it said J, O, A, and N. Well my aunts name was joanne. She lived with me as well. I always used to think that it was cool it spelled part of her name and wondered why it didn't spell mine.

When I was 17 I heard someone mention my great-grandma name, it was Joan. Something clicked, I felt compelled to show my grandma what I had always looked at when I was a child laying down taking a bath and it really touched her deeply. But later the rest of the paint had fallen away and it was not legible anymore. Nobody else had ever seen it because they always took showers and you had to look at from laying on the ground to read it right. I always took baths, for me that was very comforting though. Like maybe she just

wanted to let us know that she was there, maybe thinking of us. At the same time it could have been coincidence, I don't know.

When I was younger, I also every so often would see weird colors around people. I had told my mom she took me to an eye doctor they said nothing was wrong with my eyes. I now believe maybe I was seeing auras, now I just see like this milky yet transparent, what I always considered energy, around people and animals but no color. Has anyone ever heard of that. It something on show called psychic kids it made me realize how similar I had been to them and I wasn't the only one that have had these experiences. That's what got me thinking about this all over again.

I get bad feeling or can't sleep all night, typically right before something bad happens. My dog that lives with my mom died about a month ago, the night that he got sick and die, the next day I could not sleep a wink, my mom never told me the dog was sick until like noon of the morning that I couldn't sleep.

I've experience bad feeling and have told the friends I was around and sure enough my friend have something bad happened to them they do not know about how I feel about psychic abilities and stuff like that, but they will say how weird it was. The one friend that did know used to test me with playing cards and I was very good at guessing the outcomes, she thought it was very cool.

I have also amazed people on road trips when we are bored and start playing guessing games about what people are thinking like animals. I'd say I was dead on probably 16 out of 20 times. I've also heard psychics often develop in homes that are broken or possibly abused I could say I fall in that category to a T.

There are other things to but I think I'll leave it at that right now. I really appreciate you guys reading my long story and any input you may have that could help me understand bettor of what is going on, because if my feelings about being sensitive or intuitive or psychic are correct I am ready to embrace it I'm not scared anymore.