I See Things I Don't Always Want To See

I'm 22 years old and have had quite and eventful life with things I can't always seem to explain or worse just tell anyone about. While I was growing up reaching my teen years, I used to have strange dreams of places I have never been to and people I didn't know very well that had a bad judgment of me, people protecting me and even seeing my fathers death. It scared me a little back then but not to the point that I ever thought it would actually happen.

Since then over the years I have become very sensitive of peoples thoughts, guilt and pain.

When I meet people for the first time I see things I don't always want to see, I can see if they've done something evil or if they are a good person.

When I was 17, I was with one of my first proper boyfriends and at the time he was in prison and I happened to be staying with his mother and grandmother.

His grandmother wasn't right, she wouldn't do anything for herself even though she was capable, she had to have everything done for her and I always sensed she was extremely troubled by something. She was haunted by something and was messing with things she had no power over.

Over time I came to realize I couldn't sit in the same room as her if I did id become very tired and fall asleep being in the same room as her was exhausting.

One night when I was asleep, I dreamt she was sat at the end of my bed staring at me, doing something with her hands, she was trying to kill me. I woke up thinking she was really there still but I was alone.

I don't know how exactly but I learned she was responsible for her husbands death, she killed him, she stood over his bed like she did mine and poisoned him. She'd also been messing with spells she didn't understand.

Since then she'd become frightened of the evil that haunted her she used to talk to something next to her all the time, there was nothing there but I could see a little boy, he was dead, stood next to her. It was like he had some kind of control over her, she was frightened of him, the little boy was mischievous and had a bad energy and was full of hatred.

He always used to sit under the table she sat next to and kick her and make her choke on her food.

It frightened me at times to know that I was living in the same house as someone who killed there husband and to shock me more, she began to try talking to me. She never spoke to anyone but she tried to talk to me when I left that house for good, she didn't want me to go.

I don't know if she'd shown me what she felt and had done, but it was like she found some comfort in knowing I was there.

That's the best I can explain about that situation as I still don't really fully understand it myself and find it hard to think about.

But I have had a lot of similar experiences throughout my life and now its getting to the point where it gets me in trouble.

I sense people that don't like me or have a problem with me and see their motive of what they want to do and I have taken action before its happened and my partner or family think I'm deliberately causing trouble through jealousy or something.

I've recently got a new lodger, the third one for this year, and I have never had a problem with them, only if they were messy or anything of that nature.

I've never been one for causing trouble or arguments, I hate negativity.

But my latest one had turned out to be quite shy to start with, but speaks to me on a level now but I sensed she had a problem with me, if I sit in the same room as her I feel anxious that she wants me out.

I can see why she doesn't like me as well, I know she has taken a liking to my boyfriend and its her first love/crush and she hates it when I'm around. When I leave the room and my boyfriend and her are alone, she completely changes, I feel awkward around her as its such a personal thing to know how and what someone thinks especially when its sexual about a person.

But now sensing these things is almost like its already happened but it hasn't yet. I wanted to tell my boyfriend what she's thinking or what will happen but how do I prevent it when I can't show someone what I see.

These are just a few instances of things I can sense from people I could go on and on.

I mentioned that I saw my father die in my dream, he did later die the same way a few years later. I didn't happen to be there at the precise point he died but he made me give a message to my mother after the funeral.

He kept calling for her but I had to be very careful how I told her the message as she refused to hear it, as it made her sad.

But the more I kept it to myself the more I hurt, I felt the love and heartbreak my father felt for her.

When I moved into my first home a year ago I chose the home because it was peaceful and felt like home.

But when I moved in it was chaos, the house felt so negative and bad things kept happening like id been hit with bad luck.

Then I remembered that my boyfriend had been looking after one of his friends tarot cards as they were giving the person nightmares.

When we moved into the house, he'd brought them with him but because he'd moved them, it had somehow upset the balance or energy in are new home and I begged him to give them back to the person.

At first he thought I was just being funny with him but it got to the point where we were getting into arguments, I shouted at him and told him to get rid of them and I knew that just throwing them away wouldn't solve the problem.

While all this was happening I could constantly feel my father's presence next to me he was trying to make me feel safe.

When we drove to the owner of the cards, even just sitting in the car felt negative, it was like my father was escorting me making sure I got them back safely, it felt so strong it was overwhelming.

After I gave the cards back to the rightful owner, everything went back to normal.

It was such a huge relief it felt like a huge black cloud had been lifted from above my home and it was finally peaceful again.

I find it very tiring picking up on these senses and they always turn out to be true, I only wish I could control them, I often question myself am I really seeing these things? Or is it just in my head?

There are days when I just don't want to talk because I'm so fed up from hearing peoples thoughts, its almost like I have had a conversation with someone for hours and I just want a break.

I find it very hard to fit in with people or groups of friends at times, I feel so different from everyone and get so frustrated when I see something so beautiful but I can't show it or share it with someone.

I often think I have a wild imagination or think I'm crazy.