I have a martial arts instructor who is a woman. 13 years ago she was a student in the same school and I was attracted to her so I would wait for her to flirt or show some interest. Back then she was a black belt and student of 10 years at the school. She treated everyone the same when giving instruction. I could never tell if she had an interest in me. Due to a car accident, I quit that first year.
I am married now and have reentered the same martial arts school with my kids. I have trained the past 2 years. The instructor seemed to be significantly flirtatious with me and extra-friendly. I was happy at first but that turned to frustration and disappointment. I decided to meditate one night after the first 6 months of training. I wanted some answers as to why my emotions were getting carried away and how she felt about our situation. That night I had a dream of her embracing a shadow of me. I shot up out of bed and couldn't go back to sleep. I looked this up in a dream symbology book by Carl Jung. A shadow symbolized the desire for someone.
A couple months later she invited some of the students out to have dinner at a local restaurant. While she was talking to one of the students, I had a vision of her as a man in possibly another life. As my feelings kept getting out of control, I finally decided to see a psychic I'd known for 10 years.
In that visit I was told that we both desired each other and that we had been guards at a temple and were quartered together for a long part of our lives. In this life we were very close like brothers. I was told in another life we were lovers. A couple months later I went to talk with the psychic again and I was told that my wife would divorce me and the instructor and I would be together.
I decided it was time to talk to the instructor about how I felt. I sent her a few emails and talked to her in person. At first she looked shocked but admitted that she wished she had been around more often 13 years ago to have gotten to know me better. Then she did a 180 and looked extremely upset.
Within a couple days I had another dream that I went to the martial arts school and was locked out. In the dream I went to her home and visited her. She said she couldn't teach me until she talked to the grand master. The instructor wouldn't talk to me for a couple weeks but I overheard the grand master telling her that she was in love with me and that was why it was difficult to teach me. I felt awkward as if I'd done something wrong. I said and did things to sabotage any future between us without ruining our teacher - student relationship. However, sometimes when she is near I feel a loving warm energy around me like an invisible hug or as if we are one. At other times she is very stand-offish.
She indicated once that she is very much afraid that I might quit due to the attraction I have.
I went back to the psychic again this year after the instructor started acting like she wasn't so interested in me anymore. The psychic told me that she and I have had 5 significant lives together and that most people would not have the focus and mental discipline to not touch each other (I'm married now). In one life we were sworn to protect something like being in the secret service. This involved a ceremony with lots of energy involved in our pledge to our duty to protect. Another involved being in the same family. Another we were soldiers and lovers which was acceptable within whatever culture it was. I was not given details of the other two except for that we were very intimate in all 5.
I'm also told an entity inside of me awakened and my martial arts instructor had become a lifeline for it. I was given instructions to rid myself of the entity and dissolve the influence of the ceremony of the previous life or move myself to another place to train. I succeeded in doing this and feel that my emotions are back under my control instead of running my life.
The psychic also told me that the instructor had realized that it wouldn't work out and I was told that it isn't her life to be married and have children. I don't think she is interested in having children (I have two). So this helps me realize the friendship is how it should be and I should value the way things are and not change them. I can't help but wonder if things would be far easier if we dated years ago and found that we weren't meant to be. As time goes by things have gotten better and easier. She is a very good person and excellent instructor.
I have been feeling itching in my hands when thinking about her lately.
Sometimes when thinking about this situation, I'll hear a song in my head with lyrics giving me advice. When I was single I'd utilize information from songs in my head quite often. I could find out if a woman had true feelings for me or was just having fun. Right now the song, "Workin' my way back to you, babe, with a burnin' love inside" is in my head and probably telling me what do in regards to my wife. She loves me and is hurt by my distraction. I have been trying to do the right thing.
It is interesting to note that an acquaintance married the daughter of a former instructor at this school, my cousin married a niece of a former instructor from this school, one of my best friends worked for and is friends with a close relative of the grand master, and that there are several other coincidences or synchronicities having occurred involving this school and my life path.
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