This is my first post...
I always thought there was a spiritual side to us that, as humanity marched ever forward into the future, has so often been turned away from, discounted, even forgotten. It's the part of us that can connect to others on an incredibly deep level, the part that - I'm sure - used to be able to connect to the bigger picture. To the energy and spirit that runs through all of life.
As a teen, I actively tried to cultivate these connections - what I considered should be a natural part of being human. Until I had what was, for me, a harrowing and life-changing experience.
For a few weeks, I had been working my way through a book (title long forgotten) that told of psychic experiences and outlined meditating exercises supposedly designed to help open up that side of you. I was meditating, just trying to connect with a deeper part of myself, when I felt as though I was being contacted by something outside of myself. It was a very strong presence. It seemed that there were promises being made of more knowledge and more ability to "see", if only I would consent, and take just one more step. But it scared me. I had such a strong feeling that it was somehow an evil force, and although the promises were very seductive, and although I hesitated somewhat - toying with the idea of just going there - I finally pulled myself out of my meditation. It was a whole-being struggle just to do so. When I sat up, I realized I was sweating & when I looked in a mirror, there was absolutely no color in my face. I was so scared, and afraid to sleep for a long time afterward.
Needless to say, I closed that book and never looked at it again. I turned my back on the whole concept and went through life discounting things as merely coincidences or luck. But now, 40 years later, as so much in my life is changing and I find that I must reinvent myself - I wonder if instead, what I need to do is to re-find myself. Listen to who I am, reconnect with all the various parts of me that I left behind along the way.
So, I'm becoming aware of little things again, two of which I'll mention now...
Last summer I vacationed briefly in Russia. My last night, I was up way too late getting ready for an early flight in the morning. When my alarm went off, just a few hours later - I groggily went through, in my mind, what else remained to be done and made the decision I could sleep another 15 minutes. Resetting the alarm, I snuggled back down under the covers. As I quickly started to nod off, a loud, distinct voice (which I believe belonged to my deceased brother) said, "You don't want to do this!" I sat bolt upright, and looking at the clock realized that instead of moving the alarm hand just one line further, I had reset it from 6am to 9am... 15 minutes... But only If you're watching the sweep of the minute hand! I'm so sure that it was my brother watching out for me!
And last night (2.23.10), I was suddenly consumed by thoughts of a killer whale at a marine park being upset, confused, or ill - and a trainer being killed in the process. I couldn't understand how - I just knew that the whale didn't do a turn against the tank's wall, crushing the person in the process. It was somehow more violent, a thrashing about. I couldn't really "see" - but I also couldn't stop the thoughts. I kept wondering why I was thinking about this, but I couldn't figure out a train of thought or feelings that would have lead me to this scenario. The thoughts seemed to come out of nowhere, from somewhere outside of myself.
And then, today, when I heard about a trainer being killed at SeaWorld in Orlando... What's going on? These accidents don't happen very often at all. Could this be merely a coincidence?
There is something more, isn't there? I just don't know if I really want to "go there" again. There's a part of me that's still a bit scared of losing control.
The thoughts of this community would be greatly appreciated.
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