Misunderstanding Myself

I have had enough spiritual encounters throughout my life to understand what it 'feels' like when you're alone versus when you're not. I think I'm sensitive to energy. Lately however, I have been trying to understand an entirely different side of my energy.

Reflecting on my adolescence and years throughout my early 20's, I started to connect some experiences that I would like to share in hopes that others may be able to confirm like occurrences.

The first and most significant would be my intuitions. Depending on the situation; (they appear to be completely random), I physically see something and inside I feel a "shift" of some sort. The best way I can describe this is comparing the sensation to playing a game of Tetris where things move into place- and they fit. I feel it.

This sensation could be deep seeded; influencing a long-term relationship, or as shallow as directing me to the car that after six years, still sits in my driveway. I have no control, but it almost speaks and seems to say, "this now," and "next."

Second would be the strange amount of lights that burn out around me. This happens on the road, in my office and at home. It's gotten to be at least once a week. I have tried to find a correlation between how deeply I am thinking and when these experiences occur.

And last, my dreams. I have sleep paralysis. I struggle with this everyday. It is often so intense I try to wake up only to fall back- plummeting into deep, sometimes frightening feverish dreams. I fight with my mind knowing I am trapped, pleading for my body to wake itself up.

In the last dream I had I was visiting my mother who was watching a client's little girl. She explained to me that their family was Russian and that the little girl would be enrolled in language courses when she was old enough. When the little girl's father came to pick her up I remember saying, "Good Bye!" and as they were walking away I asked, "Hey! How do you say 'love' in Russian?" He replied and I woke up. I immediately grabbed my computer and found a verbal recording of 'love' in Russian and about fainted. I don't speak Russian, I've rarely heard it, but it was the same word.

I feel like I should have control over these things but I don't know where to start. I want to know how to control the energy and feelings I have. Help!