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Is This A Gift At All, Or Am I Crazy?

 

My grandfather Allen passed away when I was around 1, or maybe even before that. But when I turned 4, I started to see him, and do ridiculous things like save seats for him in the car, talk to him before I went to bed, etc. Although I didn't actually "see" him, I knew he was there and felt his presence. When I was around 6 he disappeared, and I'll admit it, I forgot about him. As the years went by, things were pretty normal. But when I turned age 9, I started to get these bad feelings which would result in tornado warnings, floods, and other weather related disasters associated with a tropicalish climate. That gift dissipated as the year went by. My friends and I used to do a lot of séances when we were younger because we liked the thrill. On my 11th birthday I received an Ouija board from my mom's boyfriend. We lit some candles that night, and played it. It told us its name was Belial, and all of us had been unaware at that time what the name meant. It wasn't until just recently I discovered the true, scary story behind it. Anyway, we played the Ouija board. Everyone was really amazed by it and we were all having a good time. Then, my friend asked it, "Do you want to go outside?" to which every light in my mother's bedroom, directly across from the room we were in, turned on. We were freaked out and decided to call it a night. Two days later, my friends and I decided to try it again. It told us that once a month someone we knew would die, and you guessed it, the day after my best friend's brother got into a motorcycling accident and died on impact. The following months, I watched as people, family members and friends, were taken from my close friends. I was the only one untouched, no one I knew died. This kept up until the new year. The years went by, and I am now 15. A couple months ago, the same friends and I decided to do another séance, and I swear to you I was mediating. Pictures, overwhelming emotions, fragments of words, and little video clips repeatedly played over in my head, assembling a story. But before I knew it, a whole new set of video clips, and words, etc. Came flooding in. These stories stayed for a minimum of 2 minutes tops. They were stories of how a certain person was killed, or another's grief because their loved ones never got to say goodbye, etc. Ever since then, I've had this sense of wonder and amazement and power. I've had this feeling that I NEED to do something about this and strengthen this gift, if it's really a gift at all. It's always present. So what I want to know is whether or not I'm crazy and if this is the beginning of a gift, how can I strengthen it? I feel like maybe everyday things in life kept me from really experiencing something like this earlier on in life due to my abusive childhood, and self conflicted problems. Kinda like I blocked all of this out mentally. But I really have no idea. Help!

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, WillowTree, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Sisyphus_Of_Comprehension (2 stories) (69 posts)
 
6 years ago (2011-11-22)
Congratulations on your initial return to energy! Some people take a while to truly see, hear and feel accurately, requiring things to be broken down, but you seem familiar-enough to get it. As long as you're mentally healthy and one with yourself, you can progress to the point of physical interaction with the world.
WillowTree (2 stories) (12 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2011-11-22)
This has been incredibly helpful:) And it seems like my abilities are slowly coming back to me. I feel intense power and it's building up, and everything is just back! Like nothing ever happened, only now everything is heightened.

Is it weird to have violent/sexual urges? I can't help but let my mind wander... And well sometimes I'll catch myself day dreaming. This is so confusing.
Sisyphus_Of_Comprehension (2 stories) (69 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2011-11-16)
Unconsciousness (or subconsciousness, action without thought, etc.) is where we all start out as infants and in our early childhood, and it's almost difficult for our minds to close themselves off at first to things in the dark. It can then become even more difficult to open. You have so much brain-power and critical functions oriented on the real world that it becomes almost a math problem of reworking the variables so that they fit here as well. You must learn to relax yourself, your perceptions, your mind, and your energy, letting the physical boundaries of objects in the room start to slip and slide and for the details to become blurred. I've found this helps you see between the lines of the quantum-physical world, where an object may be in two places at once, but we only perceive the average of its essence. After a while, I started seeing blurs and forms that would appear in my peripheral vision, some of them almost trivial in nature but others too obvious to ignore. The key to truly seeing (and interacting with) metaphysical beings is to become childlike, excited in a relaxed state of mind, still in motion, awake but completely at ease with the energy around you. It's tricky for people who can't feel energy, but if you can focus on your relative position (an emotion of significance more than a location) within the atmosphere around you, the locations of where beings are will become apparent. They will be fleshed-out in the negative space of the room as motion-blurs, sudden ripples or frames, and if your mind is relaxed-enough to perceive that energy visually, you will be on another physical plane of existence and visually-able to see them as you would a person or an animal. This would be a predicament, so I'd advise you to rather astral-project (go to their plane) in order to prevent your physical body from becoming rended in the process of breaking your reality. While it may seem more difficult, the effort is better than the consequence!
WillowTree (2 stories) (12 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2011-11-16)
Thank you so much! But what I want to know is how do I let everything in? When I was younger, between 10 and 13 I was a bit more open to it all, if you will. Like I could feel the prescences of spirits, and I didn't have to do anything in order for them to communicate back. Now, however, I feel kind of like I've built a mental wall around myself to where they can't get in. And a part of me thinks that's probably due to my slight fear of it all. But, I want to let it in again. I know it's a part of who I am, and I kind of need it.

I just don't understand... I used to be so in tune. But, I've pushed it all away subconciously. I didn't even notice until recently.
Sisyphus_Of_Comprehension (2 stories) (69 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2011-11-14)
It sounds like you had a close run-in with the calm businessman and lecherous keeper of souls. Belial is a powerful devil but his possession usually is quite docile, save for when he is confronted or insulted. You should be careful in the future, because I know this first-hand (I was possessed by him not too long ago, during a cold front when I ignored the fact that my body was telling me I needed to close myself off). It was by complete accident, but subconsious knowledge activated by a mere sentence caused the entire room to start shifting and moving, my energy to become ice-cold, and my voice to become two sympathetic tones. My friend caught onto this, and we had a brief contest outside, but in the end there was no contest! I felt like I could freeze a highway with my breath, or a regular person for that matter, and that anything evil I wanted could come true. I purged him by liasion within the week, but it took a lot out of me, and whille my willpower was strong, I still feel like he could come into town at any time (and freeze the coast, unfortunately).

You, however, do have a great propensity of spiritual power that has occured without coaxing it out. I'd first ask if you haven't looked up channeling before that you examine the many texts all across the Internet, as well as this definition I will provide below.

"Channeling: The conscious or unconscious manipulation of energy by local or extralocal means."

That's basically a bunch of ridiculousness, and yes, channeling can be anything. When you do anything, even thinking, you are channeling energy. Your body channels energy doing things like pumping blood or moving fluids. Right now, you are respirating and channeling body energy that is a natural byproduct of your physical being, and in some ways, an extension of your nervous system by means of the self and the soul. There are a multitude of different diagrams and ways of breaking this down, but they can all be right -- even chakras, which are abstract to some people, are physical parts of the body, and once activated for the first time, become tangible entities that transmit/receive information. You are free to look at your self in any way you wish, be it as your spirit animal, as your spirit guide, or as an all-encompassing spiritual being with latticed energy across your chakras (as seen in some of Tool's album art, or in ancient scrolls regarding the chakras in many eastern religions).

I'm going to detract from this being considered 'magic', because while at first it does seem really magical, you'll be disappointed from that mindset/rhetoric without proper fundamentals in sensing; gathering; filtering, or cleansing; storing; visualizing; focusing; flowing; and finally, controlling. When you are able to bring yourself to the disciplined level of thought, which may require a day or so of thoughtless meditation, you would be ready to consider the aspects of forcing ideas, transmitted as emotions, into words (magic spells), or summoning things to do your bidding. The only thing is, I have no advice for seeing astral beings up-close and personal, besides just relaxing your eyes, relaxing your energy, and relaxing your mind while tuning into other frequencies. Be careful -- I wouldn't advise you to try seeing anything unless you have an unusual lack of fear of things that go bump in the night. They will draw inspiration from the things that scare you to make themselves more intimidating, but sometimes what they really are isn't so bad, and it's a gamble as to which ones actually want to talk to you. Most of the time when I'm by myself, I can hear them take a breath like they're about to say something, but only a few times have they actually formed words. It's much easier to communicate with them while dreaming, or better yet, in the astral.

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