Astray

Lately I feel unplugged from something more meaningful. I have had a lot of experiences I have been enlightened in many ways. But something's missing.

It use to be, I would have an experience say a premonition and it would leave me with these strong feelings of wonder, amazement and depending on the outcome, sadness and defeat. Then I would start to feel mostly defeat and guilt of not being able to do anything more than see or feel someone's pain.

For a long time it seems like different types of psychic gifts are popping up and the other steps down for a bit. Almost like I'm trying different ones out.

I'm a empath, lately it's not just emotions I feel from others, its physical pain.

A little awhile ago I was sitting in my bed, out of nowhere I had a pain in my chest and a feeling of panic and dread consumed me. I felt like I was about to die. I was in my room with my girlfriend and even though she knows of some of my gifts. Something's just can't be understood unless you experience it yourself and I didn't want to freak out in front of her or scare her. So I left the room and acted like I was going to the bathroom. As I stood there trying to breathe, the feelings melted away. So I returned to the room, a couple minutes later I heard the ambulance stop close by. I felt the dread come back, I got up to look and it stopped just across the street. I saw them bring out a woman, she was unconscious. I don't know if she died.

Sometimes life feels way to mundane. Though I know even the small things in life have meaning and purpose. I guess I just feel lost, stuck. I want to be able to understand and use my gifts in a better way, to help others.

I hate the feeling of not being connected to something bigger. Its hard sometimes not having others who can relate to you. In something that is such a big part of you.

I have even gone to psychic readers, the ones I go to I know there good. But I don't just go for the reading, I mostly go for the connection, understanding of something more that we share. Its funny sometimes I feel old and other times like a kid asking for more, I'm very grateful for what I am given but Why is it lately I feel unplugged? I want to help, I just don't know how too.