Back in '10 I had an urge to write, but it wasn't poetry. I wrote a paragraph and decided I was done. I had no idea of what I wrote meant until the summer of '11 after I had done most of my spiritual research. I have written 2 books since, both written without thinking. Claircognizance I believe? The first came from the random paragraph. I am now looking for an agent!
I've been working my way around it, but I'm finally going to talk about myself a little. The thing with talking about myself is that I think of it as vain, though I've been working on that. Talk about yourself too much and you're an egomaniac, too little and you're a ghost in the world. I'm a ghost lol and I feel like I need someone to know what I experience! Okay, so currently I'm 18 years old and I'm still a nooby with all the psychic abilities. I've read a lot of different stories on here, and commented where I thought I could help, but I've noticed that there hasn't been a single thing yet that I haven't experienced a little of. I'm not a master over any of my abilities yet, but everything I've read about I've experienced in some part. I'd like to know if everybody's like that? I know everybody has the potential to be and do anything, but potential is different than having done something to me.
When I used to talk to my friends I'd tell them some of the things about me, and they'd constantly tell me "people don't think like that" or "no, that's not something everybody experiences" so I've learned to ask about what people experience. When I first started getting a better grip over my power, which I know I haven't really explained, people would try to turn me into something I wasn't. I've had people call me everything from an angel, the anti-christ (not in an evil way, but you'll have to ask me if you want to know why), an alien, a ghost, and a god. I always talk them out of it because it makes me feel uncomfortable that even when I try to be normal people think to set me apart. People say I have an intense aura. I have one friend who can see auras well after meditation, and when I'm myself she says my aura is almost blinding, like a rainbow of colors merging into white light. Most of the time, from learning how to mimic energies, I just cloak myself in the energies around me. I end up having a lot of people looking at me in public when I don't. I don't mind the looking, but I want to figure out why I'm so different before I open up to everyone.
And lastly to my power: I'm old. I learned most of the important things about me when I was 16. We have spiritual ages and essentially there is no age, but in this realm of relativity I'm pretty old. It's hard to relay most of this through these words. It's impossible actually. There aren't enough of them, and the carelessness we use with them dilutes their effect. With my age comes a certain clarity, presence, and understanding about the way things are. I have a strong foundation in the basics of the universe. It allows me to have a general understanding of even things that I know nothing about. It's a wonderful gift that I enjoy. It helps me to connect with all kinds of people and creatures.
I guess that's about it. I just needed to get it out of me, to organize a synopsis of the last few years. I haven't included a lot. How could I? It'd take books for any of us to write about ourselves. It's hard for me to understand how people perceive me because I have a very abstract view of myself as is. Thank you very much for listening. I've needed an ear. And please comment! I'd love to talk to people about this. I still don't remember everything, and lately even knowing who I am, I can drift into a solemn state. It makes it better when you know what you're talking about and others do as well. Not that I need validation, I believe in myself completely. Some of the things I've experienced are a little far out there and I don't understand them quite well. Much love to you all! Thanks again for reading and commenting.
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Perhaps you might find it beneficial to read the works of Aleister Crowley. I would especially recommend:
Book 4 - a theory book on magick http://hermetic.com/crowley/book-4/
Liber 65 - inspired/received writing about relations with one's Holy Guradian Angel (what you described as your higher self) http://hermetic.com/crowley/libers/Liber65.pdf
Crowley has some of the most lucid, practical, and intelligent writing about the spiritual journey and spiritual abilities. After reading him, it's hard to go back to generic new-age books.
I think I've always been a bit more mature, but that may be just my upbringing. For example, I thought that the point of school was to learn (weird right?) and didn't realize that socializing was another purpose. I've been interested in psychic/esoteric stuff for quite some time, at least from age of 11 or so. I went through a lot of new-age books at my local library. Eventually, through my interest in tarot, I was drawn towards the writings of Crowley. The Thoth deck is so pretty and also very complex and full of symbolism. It's been a bit more than a year since I've gotten the deck, and I'm still figuring it out and finding out new things. Thoth deck really throws you off the deep end of occult studies. Waite deck doesn't make it as obvious, while many of the others are feeble copies.
Anyways, I hope you at least look at Liber 65.
Love is the law, love under will.