I apologize if this is long. I've been experiencing things since I was a small child. It continues to get stronger (Or worse, in my opinion) the older I grow. I would really like to find out what it is I'm dealing with and how to control it. Since I was little I have had pretty bad night terrors. They were always linked to seeing things I never wanted to see. Things that threatened me. Along with that, I could also tell someones movement. For example: My aunt called my mother once, they had asked me what exactly I thought my aunt was doing. I answered that she had been drinking coffee and doing something else (I don't remember what the other thing was, I was only 2/3). My mother had laughed it off, saying those were things my aunt would never do. It turned out she had been doing exactly what I said. Another example was once my sister had been thinking about getting the hair brush. I got up, knowing she wanted it without speaking, and handed it to her. My mother said she had freaked out about that.
When my mother was pregnant with me, she almost miscarried. Her, and her doctors apparently were sure she was going to lose me. Obviously, they did not. I believe when I was two, I told my mom that I had ripped out the baby that was in her stomach, and jumped in because I wanted to be born to them. My mom had never mentioned the almost miscarriage to me until I was much older, so she found that an extremely peculiar and detailed thing for a toddler to say, out of the blue. I was always a very scared child due to the fact I was constantly seeing things. I had seen several apparitions walk into my closet as a toddler. Some of which that scared me to no end, and others of which I found comfort in. I used to have these dreams, where I was talking to my grandpa. Who died before I was born. I had never seen a photo of him. Not until a few months ago when I explained this to my parents. I told them what he looked like, and my dad pulled out a photo of him. IT was the same man. It would start as any call to my grandma, but she would direct the phone to him, and we would talk. I could see him. Eventually one day he told me it was time to go, and we could no longer speak. This was the last time I had seen or heard anything. I stopped seeing the weird figures, I wasn't scared, I felt normal.
A few years ago it all popped back up again. We moved into an apartment that I did not like. In there I had began to develop feelings that I wasn't actually feeling. For example at times I could feel anger, so much of it, but I knew it wasn't my own. (I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense. I don't know how to explain it very well, the feeling that is.) I just knew these feelings didn't come from my own body. I could always here footsteps on the ceilining (We lived on the top floor.) My parents brushed it off as birds on the roof. I tried to believe it, but I couldn't. Around this time was when my dreams started striking up. I noticed I'd have these realistic dreams, and sometime later they would somewhat come true. Just bits and pieces. There were some off things that happened. I heard my name being called several times. I would ignore it. Once, I heard it so loud, so clear that it startled me and I ended up breaking/jamming my thumb in the process of trying to get away. I was 12. A little after I turned 13 my parents left me home alone while they went to work. I had begged and pleaded hat I didn't want to be there. Not alone that is. Of course I was told to get over it. Later that day I had been going to sit down with hot chocolate and the blinds/bathroom door began to shake rapidly. I ran to my neighbors in tears. That was, of course, blamed on wind and left alone. We moved again, and things stopped. For a good year I didn't experience anything. Not dreams or ghosts, or feelings. I felt so safe in my house. I got in a relationship with this guy when I was 15. Things started again. Someone was hit and killed outside my house. I could feel this energy that I couldn't explain. But it went away hours later, as the body had finally been picked up. I told my mom, and I remember her saying she could feel it too. My mom has had some of the experiences I've had. With seeing and feeling things. I feel like she refuses to speak about it, out of fear. She still to this day tries to brush everything off. Anyway some new things started up too. I knew when my ex, and others where lying. I wasn't given the truth, but I had a dead gut feeling that they were lying. Even if it was something as small as "I don't like peanuts" I just knew. Of course, they were indeed lies. The dreams happened too. More frequent than ever. I would dream of something, and it would happen. Extremely soon, too. Deja-vu had become an everyday feeling. Eventually these things got so strong I was vividly hearing and seeing things in my sleep that were happening that day, or that night. For example, I had a dream my Ex had come to my city (Long distance) but didn't tell me, and never intended on. A few days later he had lied about where he was going, and did in fact come to my city. I also had several very detailed dreams on him cheating. Which in fact, happened exactly like it did in my dreams. Right down to the clothes, decor, place, etc. I never had any suspicions that he was cheating. I was under the impression I was his everything. Which was why I always ignored the countless dreams about being told to leave him. I feel like all of these were warnings. We eventually broke up, but things didn't stop. I was still having vivid dreams of things about to happen. While awake, I would have "gut feelings" about things about to happen. They always did. It was like I just imagined it, it was just a thought. Not a picture. For example, knowing when I'm about to get a text. If i'm not too distracted, I always get a feeling to look at it my phone. It's why I keep my phone on silent. My head is my own ringtone. I found this to be coincidences until once night a friend texted me in the middle of the night. I had been passed out. I woke up out of no where and grabbed my phone just as I got a text. It was from a friend in need. I remember being asleep and feeling a pull in my sleep. It's like when your parents try to pull you up and out of bed to wake you. Like I was being told to get up and answer. That I had to. That still occurs to this day. Now, some things very recently have been happening. I'm not entirely sure, but I think I can feel peoples emotions. When someone is happy, I feel it too. When someone is angry or annoyed I just feel it radiate off of them. It's like smelling someones perfume radiate near you. Except with feelings, not smells. Does that make any sense? I'm getting good at judging people. (I know how horrible that sounds but I don't mean it as in judging what they look like.) I get these good and bad feelings around other people. Almost instantly I know. Like I know if it's good to be around them, or if they're not good news. Same with places, and things. These past few months I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety. I don't know what it's coming from. I'm usually never too stressed about school or boys, specially because the person I'm currently with is very understanding, and I know is a good person. I always get it extremely bad in my shower. I'll be standing there washing my hair singing, or something, and suddenly it will hit me like a brick. I feel very ill, unable to breathe, extremely weak and shaky. This only happens in the shower. It stops when I get out and away from my bathroom. Another thing is, now this is very hard to explain, but I understand things before people tell me. Like, about their past and relations. I don't have proof, I just kind of know? I just become really weirded out when they finally speak of what I already know, and confirm my "guesses" I suppose you can call them. I've spoken with a couple people about this, and they don't seem to think it's quite normal. If anyone has any suggestions about what's going on, if it's just coincidence or something more I'd appreciate it. I don't mean to sounds silly or insane. I'm sorry if I haven't explained things quite right, either. If it is something, are there ways to just shut it all off? It all gets so over whelming that I can't handle it most times. I feel drained a lot due to all of this. Thank you.
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