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I Don't Belong Here

 

I don't feel like a human being. I never have once in my entire life, and I barely have the words to explain what all this means because its just an indescribable feeling. Mix being constantly left out with the need to fulfill an undefined purpose. I don't understand why people do what they do. I'm always watching, listening, searching for an answer and I just don't GET IT. I feel like I'm on my last life and I haven't done what needs to be done, but I'll never figure out what it is. I feel like I'm important, just not in this time period, not in this place/planet. And of course I sound like a nut!

I was looking at old family photos and I was thinking, we all look alike. My greatgrandma, my grandpa, my mom, and me. Same face. But I can't relate to them at all, I don't feel included in this a bit. And then we're all going to die, we're going to be forgotten, and nobody will ever know or find significance in the fact that I or any of them lived. And I just burst into tears. All these feelings of dread and irrelevance have cumulated into a lifelong nightmare, and I can't convince anyone of the true effect its having on me.

I told my best friend, she says, "What do you mean you don't feel like a person? What do you feel like instead?". I do not have an answer to that question. Physically, yes, of course I am a human. And that's all she sees. I'm talking about my soul here, I feel like an alien.

Everyone disregards me or assumes I'm insane/attention seeking. I'm not trying to act better than people. I'm quiet and often ignored, I have few friends, nobody acknowledges my existence. It's quite obvious I'm not important where I am currently. But if I was where I'm supposed to be, where things made sense to me, I would be entirely different. If only I could get to that place, wherever it may be.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Ajr102, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

ganshmi (1 stories) (2 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-26)
Do not take this the wrong way, but it sounds like the deeper root of this problem is that you feel as if you should be doing something great and you're stuck in a rut. I think you feeling like an alien and achieving your greatness are actually two separate problems in general.
First, I would like you to make two separate lists. One listing all of your talents, interests, hobbies and good qualities about yourself. The second list I want you to list things you do not enjoy, subjects you dislike at school, and places where you think you wouldn't be happy (Earth as a whole does not count haha).
Second, I want you to make a third list. List the problems with our society/planet that you feel strongly about. Could be LGBTQ, the environment, bullying, etc. And can be as few/as much as you want.
Third, look at all three lists together. This should give you some direction as far as where to take yourself whether it be discovering a new hobby or even focusing on your career. Volunteer even if it's something that you feel passionate about.
I believe once you find out your interests, not only will you feel validated as a person, but you might even find direction to your purpose.
I actually did this for myself when I felt similar about not getting myself together and am now serving with my interests/hobbies/talents as much as possible.
Hope this helps.
cayce17 (6 stories) (189 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-23)
Ajr102, it's not unusual to feel that way, especially if you are spiritually connected or supernatural in any way. If you want, you can e-mail me and further talk about why you feel this way and I'm always available to listen. My e-mail is rainashea16 [at] gmail.com
Mom62 (2 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-21)
Check the pinnus of your ears for hematite or bumps of glass. If you can not feel inside the Pinnus then you have been tagged. This means that someone has tagged you. It could be a glass bead or hematite. It is not pleasant to hear everything around you and is used by gangs and Guardian Angels.
SkittyKittyCat12 (1 stories) (2 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-19)
Well...hmmm. I have a few questions.
1. When was the first time you felt like this?
2. What is your earliest childhood memory?
3. Is there anything you remember that seems like it takes place somewhere other than Earth?
4. What are your dreams like?
Greggb (4 stories) (19 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-15)
AJR102,

I noticed someone mentioned age as a potential cause of the alienation you feel. I'd say that's possible, though I detect something more from your story.

First it sounds to me like you're very mature for your age, and being surrounded by typical teenagers, I can understand how you might feel non-human, where teenagers are really kind of their own subgroup of "human". Their hormones, immaturity, and the fact that their brains aren't fully-developed (at the physical level) could make them seem pretty foreign to someone more grown up, like yourself.

But again, what you describe sounds like what I'm experiencing now, at over twice your age. My feeling of alienation didn't really set in until I was about 25, and has steadily intensified, and is now at an all-time high. I'm 40 now and have never felt more non-human.

I suppose it was about ten years ago that I started using the word "alien" to describe my experience. I didn't use it in the literal sense. It was just a feeling of being fundamentally different. And I don't mean in regard to basic tastes, preferences, etc. I mean, more in the way I see the world.

I've done a tremendous amount of research in the areas of psychology, philosophy, and spiritualism. I could go on and on about the things I've studied. But the topic of "consciousness" is what I've found most useful, in understanding my situation.

I'd recommend the book "Cosmic Consciousness" to you, and anyone else experiencing what you've described (by Richard Bucke). It was written in the early 1900s and is now in the public domain, so you can find a digital copy of it for free.

The book describes the development of consciousness, through the process of evolution, from animals to humans. Also through the development of of the human mind, from birth to adulthood.

Another early 1900s Russian psychologist named PD Ouspensky discusses consciousness, though he's quite a bit harder to read.

The idea is that consciousness can vary in degree from species to species, and even among members of the same species. The majority of animals are considered to have "simple consciousness". Humans are probably the only species to have "self-consciousness" (some studies suggest some of the more advanced primates do, to a lesser extent). Self-consciousness in this sense is described as an awareness of oneself as an autonomous entity, separate from our environments.

PD Ouspensky describes "self-consciousness" not only as an awareness of ourselves, as individual entities, but as an awareness of our conscious processes. Someone in possession of self-consciousness, according to PD, would be able to observe their conscious processes, almost like a separate person, observing from the outside. PD describes this type of consciousness as being rare, and I agree.

That said, and I think that most of the people who describe a feeling of being alien, or non-human, have this form of self-consciousness. It causes them to see the world very differently from ordinary people, and makes them feel very different themselves.

Not only do a lot of such people possess this form of self-consciousness, but I think they're also beginning to develop a more "global consciousness". I'd describe this as an awareness of oneself as a mere part of the bigger picture. It completely changes the way you see the world.

For a while I believed it would be vain for me to think I might be in possession of such higher forms of consciousness. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I was, and it helped me to accept this.

What's the significance in this? I mean, what's the significance in having a higher form of consciousness? I really don't know, though I believe these higher forms of consciousness are evolutionary traits and are just now starting to emerge, as a means of helping life move closer to perfection.

I think these forms of higher consciousness have developed to counter-balance the effects of greed and egotism in the human race, which are threatening the survival of the human race and many other species. I think they're good things, though they seem to cause their possessors a lot of suffering.

Honestly, there's so much to be said on this topic that I could write a book about it.

If you, or anyone else is interested in hearing more of my thoughts on the topic of consciousness and corresponding feelings of alienation let me know, and I'll write an essay and see if I can get it published here.

I actually just finished an essay where I discuss compassion, and the way I see it as being an evolutionary trait meant to assist in the "Divine Effort" (as Ralph Waldo Emerson calls it).
Berellic (50 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-12)
A lot of people in this world need to understand that many of us are here to pursue a bigger purpose in this world. Sitting at home doing your homework, playing video games, or just socializing with your friends are only momentary things in our lives as we need to seek deeper within ourselves to truly find the guidance of what many of us are meant to pursue in this world.

I yearn in passion and ambition for a Grand Adventure in life that will change everything of what I accept of reality and myself as a person to be better for what's to come in the end. A true life change is completely necessary to truly move forward in the ways that are needed and I feel that many people in this world approach the bigger change like putting their toes slowly in the water first until they feel comfortable and when they feel like engulfing the rest of their body in the water slowly. Sometimes when we see true value in something that can change our lives forever, we need to delve completely into it where before hand we come to understand what our purpose is and where this new path will bring you.
Mise (1 stories) (4 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-10)
It may be easy to feel this way if you are young, as in high school.

You don't really get to blossom until you get past that stage. My advice is for 2 things: 1) to start writing, and 2) get into education. Both these things can open up your mind and perspective, which can be so limiting in your youth. Expression is a great thing to have, and to find you.
PraveenNewman (3 stories) (34 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-10)
Hey I can be your friend if you wish. I think you are looking for someone who can understand you. I am a psychic I can see people from afterlife the interesting thing is I collected some message from them may be I can get answers you are looking for. 😁
kyclie (2 stories) (20 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-10)
Hello~!

The same thing happened to me as well! You're not the only one. Everyday, I'm surrounded by teenagers like me at school. They're all chatting, gossiping, playing around, fooling around, and sometimes I just stare and I feel like I don't fit it. I feel alien. I feel like I'm from another galaxy. I don't understand others, or more specifically, "normal humans." I don't usually care about the girls at my school who recommend me to wear makeup, the girls that invite me to sleepovers, and more. I feel like I'm trapped in this tiny bubble that nobody understands. Others try and act like they understand (they think I'm bipolar which I'm not lol).

I feel the same way as you do. But I don't question it because I know I'm different and I'm not afraid to show it. I'm not letting fear wrap up who I want to be on earth, I'm me, alien, human, star child, whatever it be.

I hope this helps! ❤
Redd24 (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
6 months ago (2017-04-09)
Hmmm... Well first off I'll start by saying that you're by far not the only one who has ever felt that way about life and existence. I, for one, felt a lot like that at times when I was growing up. I guess you could say that in some ways I'm the black sheep of the family, but at the same time I have many things in common with very... Errr specific members of the family.

Maybe you should look into starseeds. It could very well be that your soul isn't originally "human". I think if you start there you might find what you're looking for with a little digging.

Good luck! And remember that you're not alone, sooooooo many of us feel that way at some point.

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