I Feel Energies

Since very young, I have always felt energies. I went through stuff that has traumatized me. I don't know if this fact has any relevancy to my experiences, but it is something I feel attached to. I will begin with minor events or experiences. As a younger child I have always felt the need to be aware of the people around me and my surroundings. Today I would say it is more that I feel "energies" from people and the atmosphere I'm around. About the age where we are a bit more mature, perhaps 10-15, I would talk or think about stuff and those events would occur. I would begin singing a song out loud and my sister would gasp beside me saying "I was just thinking about that song!" I would finally speak up about something to my mom and her response would be "You took the words right out of my mouth," meaning she was about to mention it. Those previous experiences happens countless amounts of times. Now I will explain some experiences that are more of actions than thoughts. My mom cleans houses as a side hustle. I had a dream that my mom cleaned a house that was infested with bed bugs. That morning my mom went to clean the house and she returned later that afternoon. The first thing my mom said to me was "You will not believe the luck I have?! The house I cleaned was infested with bedbugs!" I was caught off guard and I blabbed on to her that I just dreamed that. Having that she never said anything else over it, I don't think she believed me. I had another dream, and in that dream I kept having the vision of a pregnant woman. I woke up confused asking myself why would I think about a pregnancy without any form of context. Later that afternoon, my brother called and he told us his wife had been pregnant for months. Another experiment, I was outside on the porch reading a book to my brother. One of the main characters of the book was a bird. Unknowingly I told my brother jokingly "Just imagine a flock of birds swoop over us." I have no reason to tell this untruthfully, but a huge flock of birds swarmed over us about a minute later. My brother looked up at me and opened his mouth as if it was something incredible. I was dazed and confused, so I just told him to ignore it. My mom used to play the lottery, and when I was 14, as a joke, my mom told me to accompany her to purchase a ticket as good luck. Being a jokester and all I went with her. I was not involved in any physical work, I just stood there waiting for her. She turns around laughing saying "We got $500!" About a week later she decides to purchase another ticket but she wanted to "experiment." I did not go with her and she received nothing. Another week passes by and she decides to experiment again. I accompanied her and she won another $200. I've accompanied her on and off and each time I go she wins something. I have this thing where I create scenarios in my head and they occur. I might jokingly ask the universe for a sign, demand it to give me something, or create silly scenarios in my head that physically occur. I don't think anything of it as I do this stuff. I realize it's more serious when it actually happens. Recently, about 2 months ago, my family was out of town. I was home alone by choice because I felt unwanted. It was about 1:30 am and I was speaking out loud to myself. I only did this because I was home alone. I am very shy and quiet and I would never speak out loud unless I am asked to. It was dark and I said out loud in these words "I just need a fresh start. I just need it to rain. I want it to rain for about 5 minutes. I want some harsh winds, thunder, and lightning." In the next hour... The events I asked for occurred in the exact same order for the exact same time. If I had timed the time it had rained, I know it would have been for 5 minutes. I am a very spiritual person. I feel connected to Earth and the universe and I feel that they correlate. I was so scared when this happened. At 2 in the morning I figured everyone was asleep so I couldn't call anyone. My family was on vacation and I didn't want to bother them. I vented all of this to someone I closely trusted and felt I would not be judged by or seen as crazy. They weren't awake of course and I decided to fall asleep. The United States of America is unfortunately recognized for its school shootings. I believe they were happening quite often either in the year 2017 or 2018. I don't recall which year but there was a point in time where the shootings were quiet. There hadn't been one some time. I remember thinking to myself "It's been some time we haven't heard of a school shooting. I wonder how they are. I couldn't imagine how the scene of a school shooting is." I was just repeating over and over again these thoughts about a school shooting. I don't have any bad intentions but when the mind is aware of something negative, the minds also tends to overthink and create scenarios. The next day as I'm in class my teacher sadly says there's been a school shooting. I remember feeling so light headed. I walked away and sat alone in the computer lab. I felt guilty that I was thinking about it in such depth the day prior only for it to happen the next day. Recently, I was talking to my friend about someone. I never usually spoke about this someone and seconds later my friend receives a message from this person. She says "that's so weird... I haven't even spoken to him in weeks," and I just laughed it off. I always go through this stuff. It happens too often. I never speak about my experiences for the fear that people don't believe in psychic stories. For the longest I also refused to believe in this stuff and to be honest I'm still heavily confused on what to believe. I have dozens of other experiences but it would just be a waste of time. I also can't remember each one word by word. There are more events that I have spoken into existence. The only reason why I chose to create this account and share my honest experiences is because of a recent event that happened that has scared me and made cry. Recently I made the biggest mistake. I am big on "things happen for a reason," and "don't stress, there's a solution to everything but death," but this mistake will haunt me for the rest of my life. I didn't harm anyone or myself but it has a lot to do with reality which is why it hurts so much. I felt and still feel so guilty that I began thinking about death as a solution. They were not suicidal thoughts but more "what if" thoughts. I was thinking if I just died, this problem would not affect me. I know it's impractical but the mind has the freedom to create suggestions. I began thinking "what if this happened to someone at school. If they died this mistake would just vanish. What if this. What if that." I was creating scenarios that could just make me feel better. A bunch of the previous experiences I had always began with "what if." This was no different. The thought of death kept rewinding in my head and I wasn't just imagining myself. The thought of death and school kept playing in my head. I woke up the next day and naturally I checked my phone. A classmate of mine died. Everyone was posting RIP and I just began crying. Typing this out had made me cry. I've been crying all day. Something in me knew he was going to die but I didn't know how to decipher it. I constantly have thought both good and bad and they occur. I'm scared to think of anything. Everything I think or say happens. I feel when someone is sad. I feel when something bad is about to happen. I can't explain this to anyone because I know it sounds insane. I would never tell my mom about this stuff either because I know she would just reject it. I know this is way too much to read. If anyone hears me out. Please help me understand.