It's been a long time since I've written anything. But, to be honest it's been a while since anything substantial has happened.
Months ago, I felt like things were constantly happening. When I wasn't actually seeing things appearing I would almost always sense them. I could always see people's energy around them and I could get a pretty good feel for their emotions especially if they touched me. For the past couple months I've felt. I don't really know how to describe it. Maybe lost, just going through the motions, empty.
When I first realized things were slowing down I was relieved. I thought I would be happy I wasn't seeing things, and feeling things, and hearing things that sometimes scared me constantly. But as time goes on I feel so alone. I'm starting to doubt everything that I have ever experienced and it makes me wonder who I am and if I even know who I ever was.
I used to almost always be able to see people's energy around them. Now, I can only see it if my eyes are very tired, and I concentrate on the space just past them for a long time. The only thing that is keeping my faith in me is the nightmares. I know there's something more to them, I used to wake up from them and whatever was trying to communicate with me in my dream I could usually feel their presence afterwards. Now I wake up, and I feel nothing. I know they must still be trying to communicate, how else would I be having these dreams of people and places that I have never seen before?
Please, does anybody know how I can try to sharpen my senses again? I'm getting desperate, I feel anxious not being able to sense as much as before. I feel blind, even when having conversations with people; it's harder to read their emotions than ever. Has anyone else gone through a long break like this, seeming like all your senses are numbed? I just want to go back to the way I felt before. I doubt even the small feelings left that I have.
For example: I was at a family party and I looked into the driveway and just got this dull worried feeling. It was very specific and about my nephew. I was worrying about him hitting his head on the pavement. But I just thought it was no big deal; anyone would have that worry, right? A few minutes later he arrived and ended falling and smacking his head on the driveway in the very spot I'd just been staring at. Is it merely coincidence, or had I predicted it?
I know sharpening my senses will mean coming back in contact with the things that scare me most. But I also know it will be easier to communicate with the people who I've lost who I love most. I feel like this major piece of me is gone and that I desperately need it back. Does anybody know how, or any exercises I could do to help bring them back? Or maybe it's just an extended break and they will slowly pick back up? Or does this mean that my gifts are withering into nothing? Please, any knowledge would mean the world. I have no one else to go to talk about this. Thank you so much.
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