My story starts since childhood. I live in joint family but never I found anyone whom I can share. I remember when I was 14 years old, looking at the moon I feel some color. And then at very day may be I get a chocolate with yellow colored wrapper or something else. This way I realized there is something magical in me.
When I concentrate on something like in a class I wish the bottle should fell down, in a couple of minutes I found the bottle lying on ground. Many things like this I observed. Days went things increased. My doubt now had became faith. There is something mystic in me, but I was unable to find out what it is. The soar sky, tries to convey me something but I really don't understand what it is. With teary eyes I just went away always. I don't know why my heart always say there is something calling me. I want to go. Few days went I become 16 and still hoping someone will come and take me off. Leaves always tell me the direction where it will be. No response made be low hearted. Things became worst day by day. When I was 18 I fell in love first time. Then some how I was felling better. I am an artist and my beloved was also. We both were living in a trance where art lies. When I sit with him on bike I felt like may be I am close to find answers. Few months gone and he left him on the middle path where I don't even know where to move. The guy was ditching me made me heartless, my feelings become nil, now I was leaving with anger frustration and doubts. I hurt myself just to rid off. Questions were killing me day by day... What all things are calling me. My dreams pointing out something. I experience sleep paralysis, false awakening and things more. Now I am 22 I had another boyfriend. Don't know if I have feelings or not but I am living with my past still. It is not like I still love him. But I love my answers. At least at that time I was able to get answers. Now everything is just getting worst. My life condition is poor and doubts make me feel awwwk.
While sleeping I feel astral. I did lucid dreaming various times. I can feel my soul That magical or I must say sparkly thing moving in and out of my body. I feel still I am lacking somewhere. I can go there any time but I am resisting by my own. My soul moves out and experience the beauty lies the place calling me. I want to go there. Just don't want to live here in this world. This is not mine. That feelings are mine although yet they doesn't have any proof but definitely I will find it some day.
If any body have any suggestion then please tell me.