My book can be found on Amazon. Title "Needle In A Haystack" By Casey Jordan.
(Below is a sample from the book)
Addiction, Demons, and Sleep Paralysis
I felt that it was always up to me to hide and fix every problem that my husband had created while pretending to the world that everything was fine. I didn't want anyone to know about Hayden's addictions, when he was in jail, or what he did to get there. I didn't want my family to be looked down upon by society or judged based on my husband's actions and behaviors. I just wanted peace, happiness, and stability for our family.
Unfortunately, It seemed as if every time things were beginning to go well, Hayden would self-destruct and destroy it all. I was tired of starting over and over again from the bottom and being the only one putting forth any effort into our marriage. Hypothetically, I felt like I was drowning, as if I were being pulled under the current, with no hope of ever catching my breath.
Therefore, I gave my husband an ultimatum. I told him that he had until the coming January to be in recovery, doing better, and making better choices for himself and our family. If not, then I was going to file for divorce. He nodded his head in agreement and said that he would try.
The next few months were difficult as Hayden showed no signs of improvement. I was discouraged, sad and disappointed. And I soon began feeling surrounded by darkness, anger, hopelessness, grief, and fear. I had so much anxiety, and I felt defeated. Then as soon as I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, I was mistakenly very, very wrong.
One evening, while I was lying in my bed trying to fall asleep, I began hearing a loud noise. It sounded like the spinning of helicopter propellers or the whooshing of a large ceiling fan. I opened my eyes, but I couldn't tell what was making the noise. I then tried to move but quickly realized that I could not. I felt paralyzed.
I had no idea what was going on, but I can tell you that I was terrified. I couldn't scream, talk, move my head, wiggle my toes, nothing. I thought to myself for a minute, "am I being abducted by aliens?" but that wasn't the case. I wasn't even sure if I believed that there were other life forms in the universe.
Even though I could not turn my head, I could still move my eyes. When I tried to look over towards my sleeping spouse, it was then that I saw a shadow figure on his side of the bed. It almost looked cloaked with no face. I began praying and praying. I was shouting, "Jesus," "Jesus help me" in my head, and within just seconds, I could move, and the figure was gone and gone with it the propeller noise.
Once free, I frantically woke up Hayden by shaking him awake. I told him what had happened to me, and he tried to say that I probably just had a nightmare. He then tried to console me but was unsuccessful. I knew that it wasn't a nightmare because I was not asleep. I was very much awake.
I also knew that what I was saying sounded crazy, but it wasn't; it happened. I wasn't sure why or how, but it did. I had never had an experience like it before. And in return, I had a hard time going to sleep afterward, worrying that I would have a repeat experience. I was thankful that that was not the case.