I've been having strange experiences since my grampa died when I was eight. I was too young to visit him in the ICU at the hospital, but he was dying, so they brought me in to say my goodbyes. He was holding my hand, and I saw the light go out. I had a tantrum immediately after. He came to visit me weeks later. And continues to do so when I'm feeling alone or scared.
For a long time my emotions were out of whack, so my experiences were frightening. I am still unsettled when I start to feel my mind, soul, whatever you want to call it going somewhere else.
My most memorable experiences as of late consist of being woken from a dream in paralysis, it feels like there's an immense pressure on my chest, like someone it pressing on it or sitting there. I'm conscious and terrified for a few seconds, seeing nothing but the room around me and then I am ripped into a completely different place, somewhere I've never been but that feels familiar. The one last night felt like an old family house, with many trinkets and lamps. An old piano, area rugs, it felt very loved and lived in. I wanted to move forward and explore, but instead of gliding forwards like I wanted to I was jerked violently many times. Then I came out of it, tried to go back in, same thing, got a few feet, but by being jerked forwards. Like a fish hook behind you navel, pulling everything you have forward.
I see things, I hear things, I know things, I dream things. I don't know why, but I know that it is a deep part of me and I must accept it to move beyond the fear. My question is, how can I deal with this in a way that doesn't scare the ever living out of me every time? I'm aware that I'll never be able to completely control it, but being able to feel safe and be in control of my own actions would be nice.
Another fun fact/question: I have a very strange cat. She has one blue eye, one green, and round pupils instead of the traditional diamond shaped cat pupils. She is with me in dreams and visions sometimes, is that my imagination, or does this happen often?