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Elephant On My Chest

 

I've been having strange experiences since my grampa died when I was eight. I was too young to visit him in the ICU at the hospital, but he was dying, so they brought me in to say my goodbyes. He was holding my hand, and I saw the light go out. I had a tantrum immediately after. He came to visit me weeks later. And continues to do so when I'm feeling alone or scared.

For a long time my emotions were out of whack, so my experiences were frightening. I am still unsettled when I start to feel my mind, soul, whatever you want to call it going somewhere else.

My most memorable experiences as of late consist of being woken from a dream in paralysis, it feels like there's an immense pressure on my chest, like someone it pressing on it or sitting there. I'm conscious and terrified for a few seconds, seeing nothing but the room around me and then I am ripped into a completely different place, somewhere I've never been but that feels familiar. The one last night felt like an old family house, with many trinkets and lamps. An old piano, area rugs, it felt very loved and lived in. I wanted to move forward and explore, but instead of gliding forwards like I wanted to I was jerked violently many times. Then I came out of it, tried to go back in, same thing, got a few feet, but by being jerked forwards. Like a fish hook behind you navel, pulling everything you have forward.

I see things, I hear things, I know things, I dream things. I don't know why, but I know that it is a deep part of me and I must accept it to move beyond the fear. My question is, how can I deal with this in a way that doesn't scare the ever living out of me every time? I'm aware that I'll never be able to completely control it, but being able to feel safe and be in control of my own actions would be nice.

Another fun fact/question: I have a very strange cat. She has one blue eye, one green, and round pupils instead of the traditional diamond shaped cat pupils. She is with me in dreams and visions sometimes, is that my imagination, or does this happen often?

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, amymarie, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-02)
Hey again. I was reading past and found your question, I don't visit here unless I feel drawn to. The difference is feeling fearful. One experience is based more on the practice of astral projection (whether you wish to or not) and the other is being taken (much easier). To rid yourself of fear will help you realize it is natural to travel, it should help. Try to work on your guiding skills and be sure to ask before bed for guidance and protection from your devine parent (or God as some prefer). Remember the paralisis is just before the tuning up of the frequency to separate from your body imagine it climbing higher and higher until itfeels like you are floating up... Just relax the rest will come as I had said before. Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
amymarie (2 stories) (19 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-27)
PEMe: Thanks for the advice, its been working for the most part. But I'm slightly confused, the first couple times, I felt the negative energy around me, and was fearful. But I've had a similar feeling of sleep paralysis where I am blasted somewhere else entirely, and I feel no fear, only great excitement. Its hard for me to stay focused but I'm learning. How do I tell the difference, when I wake up terrified and groggy. I enjoy and am thankful for my experiences, but its hard to distinguish what is what
PEMe (2 stories) (60 posts)
+1
7 years ago (2012-03-27)
The first time I read about sleep paralysis I laughed myself to tears! Clearly no one that has suffered a spiritual attack has endorsed this 'explanation'. All I know is my "sleep paralysis" has manifested in different forms... And I can feel them enter my room/space before the attack even starts! Sometimes before I'm fully asleep! Ha! I thought science could consistently reproduced the same affect? Huh? Well, Blah. Whatever. I think I read earlier what I learned trough "seeking" that my best defense was having NO FEAR. They simply didn't have any fear to feed off of FROM ME to continue the attack and the attack ended almost instantly. They just caught me on a tired, fed up day. I was like 'whatever' and they left. Yes, that simple. The time before that I fought back because I thought I was protecting my babies in the other room. This was a pretty cool experience because I physically put the attack on pause and mentally went to check my babies crib to see that they were at peace then turned back to fight and during this fighting back I had a vision. This was the first time I fought back. I just got sick of their crap. Opposite of fear is love; love of my true self which is a god being. We are ALL made from this love. So it wasn't "brave" so to speak but awareness of who I am and the power I have inside of me. But, I digress as usual... And the attack before that was different as well again NO consistency. I don't have them often, I'd say every other year or annually. Usually when 'I'm on' track spiritually or have really helped someone or made a big growth spurt spiritually. It's like I piss them off or something. Sleep paralysis my ass.:) Refuse to be bullied by low-life imps. Tell them to leave OR acknowledge and THANK your protectors (who have always been there) and ask for help and meditate a shield around you. Look inside to your personal light for answers. They will come.
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-16)
Mubashir, hahaha every chance I get I go to high places. Facing fear is the only way to rid yourself of it. So I have been to the edge of the grand canyon (I crept with my eyes closed until I sat at the edge and then opened them) HA! As soon as I opened them I felt the wind trying to pull me in. I fought it for two hours... And saw some of the most breathtaking beauty. I love to fly and have dreamed of seeing the earth from outer space. I had no fear then. Yet as a commercial painter I crawled up a twenty foot ladder to paint windows on a hotel and froze. Couldnt even move the brush a foot out from either side to finish the job. I can tell you I dreamed once that I took my own life by jumping from cliffs some where in Great Britain. What better way to keep me here than to give me an unreasonable fear from time to time. So I don't worry over it, face it whenever I can, and try not to think of leaving just yet. Theres really much to do still. Its just part of the human I am.I,am proof,living... That our devine creator has a sense of humor. I know your country is beautiful as mine is. My prayers are for the pure land. Look it up in the old teachings... It is what I would choose to believe in if that were still an option for me. Blessed be, be safe out there... Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-15)
When I think about my dreams of people fighting and killing each other, I think the eagles were showing me the future of my country. Everyday people fight and kill each other, bombings and complete turmoil everywhere. Now when I compare my dream and reality, both look same. I told my mother about this dream and she laughed it off. Wow I had no idea you were afraid of heights not when you have a name of ladyhawk. I love heights, the more high I am the more strong wind I can feel. Sometimes I get too excited when there is a strong wind, to enjoy it I go to the roof.
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-15)
Mubashir,some one poked me to wake up at 3:20 or so this am. It doesn't happen often, but it did wake me so I came here for a visit. I don't know if it is related, it just strikes me as interesting for now,but...a long time ago when I was first studying native cultures I found a reference of totem animals for my birthday. If you can imagine a shield, the top totem is a golden eagle, at three is a white buffalo, at six is a great bear, and at nine is a tiny mouse. This is to represent all the stages of my life. A full circle of experiences. The totem of the golden eagle is my helper spirit, I am called Ladyhawke because I have not yet earned the name Eaglesheart yet. When I do, pain will no longer reach me, and I will be able to view from great heights...haha,Im terrified of heights, and being a member of the beaver clan makes me very rooted to the earth...lol...so it could be a while. But your dream of eagles intrigues me to tell you of that. And this: In a dream not too many years ago I met people from a wonderful clan of waterbirds. They stood, (and one in a wheelchair, a man) before me and asked me to come with them. Then they simply turned into great white egrets and herons and flew above me... I ran behind, still on the ground shouting please, teach me that...However,if eagles are watching you, you are in very good hands... Er talons. Should they come again ask who they are, I read that together they are going to carry you somewhere youve never been, and protect you as well. People fighting... And this isn't based on a feeling, can be prophetic or the inner conflict you were involved with at the time. My feeling says these eagles guard you as one of thier own, like parents over a child. Eagles often bear warriors to heights to speak with the great mystery... So fasten your seatbelt, could be a lofty ride... Unless you grow your own wings and bear your own weight,hahahaha.Back to sleep for me. Blessed be young warrior, Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-15)
Thats great ladfyhawk. I was thinking about my spirit guide and I guess I have some idea about it, in my dreams there are two golden eagles sitting on my shoulders. Recently I had a dream that I was waling on the road and these two eagles came to me and were leading me to somewhere, when I followed them. I see that people were fighting and killing each other. A guy tried to attack me but those eagles protected me from him. It was really a strange dream and had another dream like this few years ago.
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-15)
Mubashir,this is an open window for those who can see. I am glad devine light has been opened even more to you, I am blessed to be witness of something so much greater than all of us. Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-15)
shapeshifter78,Folks who dwell in the darker arts often mistake an outside force as the heart of thier power,... Using that, they draw upon others sensitivities to 'feed' on. The drawing you felt was from the spell cast over the literature to draw pure hearted energy. You were very wise to recognize the ploy and move the book... Having said this,remember... There is no greater enemy than fear. If you trully knew how reality was designed, or formed, or allowed to be, you would understand this is still children playing with psychic toys. Some helpful, some harmful. And the darkest ploy, the one most successful is fear. The tremendous power that they think they have, they trully do... But not from the source they choose to call master. It is the same tremendous power available to all... What is done with it is the true choosing.You,and all of us, are sacred, precious and most of all belonging to the most high, most powerful devine presence. Those who sell thier souls don't understand the soul is not thiers to sell and so the great and powerful bargain they think they've struck, is only to allow thier own fear to rule them... No more. Of course, strong vibration/emotion can be emitted from written words in books or dark artifacts. But even more strong, and with better clarity, is the vibrations from a trully enlightened being, whos living frequencies are 'higher' than one who is stuck temporarily in the denser, more mondane exsistence of fear. Good job, Blessed be, Ladthawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-14)
Yeah shapeshifter its possible. When you are writing something personal, you are writing with all your heart. When you are happy and write happy things, the readed can feel the happiness of the words. Just like that when you have evil feeling inside you and you write evil things, sure it will scare the reader. I think empaths can feel such things much more than normal people can do.
shapeshifter78 (2 stories) (169 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-14)
Ladyfhawke and Mubashir, Can books have emotions sown into them by the author even if it is just a printed one? One day I was in a bookplace with my friend and we were in the "certain area" What I am talking about is the area where all the books about ghosts spirits and religion are. I saw this one book that had a obscure title and looked like a ordinary paperback book. My friend picked it up and opened it to a random page. He immediately dropped it. He picked it up and after a while showed me the page he landed on. It was a black an white drawing of the devil with a head of a goat and cloven hooves. You know the one. After I saw it I instantly got pressure of a headache and I had a very bad feeling all over me. After turning a few pages I found out it was some kind of satanist and demonic book. I put it behind some books so it would be a little harder for a innocent onwalker to just pick up. So is it possible for a author to sow feelings into a paperback book that was just a printing? It took me about half an hour to fully lose that feeling.
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-14)
Oh I see. I don't know but there are some texts that are attracting my attention unusually, one of them was taoism just like you said and others like it and thanks a lot for the help ladfyhawk. 😁 ❤
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-13)
Heavy reading is a term used to describe material that has to be read slowly. Alot of older texts use a form of speaking/writing that is from the time it was written. It resembles the difference of eating thin broth vs thick stew, more chewing... To understand what is being said the reader moves more carefully while reading from the old scriptures. You are right there are a billion words. Yet the truth is as simple as a leaf comming out in the spring. The Tao Te Ching (look under Taoism) Teaches about the duality of oneness here. Pretty cool. Edgar Caycee is in there also, he has some reasonable insights about colors and the layers of our reality. Just poke around and listen to the inner truths. I think you are ready for such a journey. Blessed be little brother, Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-13)
Hey ladfyhawk can you tell me what's this heavy reading? There is so much material and I have no idea what to read and where and thanks for telling me about the site.
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-13)
Mubashir,Whether or not you are into heavy reading, I used to go to this site to see if there were others like me. You will need a lifetime to cover all the material offered but if you wish to search, this site makes for a good pilgrimige. Sacred-texts.com It may be one of the largest on line collections of sacred materials you could find. These are among some of the oldest teachings. Your colors are there somewhere. I haven't been in a while but I will also nose around on your behalf. Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-13)
Wow that's great ladfyhawk. When I meditate my vision turns completely blue, sometimes red or gray. I can see particles of different colors around me, if there is an animal around I can see a color surrounding it. There are lots of other things I see while meditating like a figure with long hair, a huge white,golden,red mixed fire and sometimes it feels like I am looking in the mirror but instead of my relfection I see strong colors. Although I am not confused about these visions while meditation but still I am telling because I want to hear some views from others.
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
+1
7 years ago (2012-03-12)
Interesting that you should bring this up Mubashir. Its been a few weeks ago, I was on this site. It was twighlight outside... I had been in a relaxed and intuitive state while writing here, I had just finished a thought and got up to get a drink. As I entered the dining area I looked out through the window and saw all the outdoors bathed in a beautiful blue light. I walked closer and said to my companion 'how wonderful, I wonder what has created such a reflection.'He looked out and said 'youve lost your mind, its twighlight grey.'We disagreed for a moment and I called his daughter in to verify... She said it was grey too...So,I looked around the room wondering if any other color was changed and the coral colored paper roses on the table seemed to glow almost in contrast to the beautiful blue that flooded the outdoors. I have seen the wilderness take on a richness in color at times, and I have seen shifts in brightness (most unusual and surprising because I was in traffic focused on being safe). It could be that a symptom of enlightenment, (or the process of becomming enlightened), is a real change in how we 'see' the world around us. Just a thought. I used to set aside moments for meditation and then feel sad when I left it to participate in the day to day. So over time I stopped ending it and kept the same state all the time. Now its like 'elevater music 'in the background of all my thoughts, and prayers are now conversation between me and my most high constant companion. No one sees me meditating, yet it is there in every casual act and choice.Hahaha...if you saw me you would recognize devine humor at work, my own fierce heart is desguised as a fuzzy white haired old cowgirl,biker...scaaarrie...Hahahaha... You could always try meditating while running... I'm sorry your family doesn't understand, one day, they will... Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-12)
Thanks a lot for advice ladfyhawk. I don't know why but my family makes fun of me when I am meditating and this breaks my focus completly and sometimes I want to leave these things but I keep hearing these voices that tell me to become strong and ignore what people say. When you mentioned fierce divine fire inside, I had a feeling that its one of the reason I choose to make a new path of my own despite what others say instead of choosing a path of an ignorant person. My judgement is clouded sometimes but it clears my vision. When I listen to my heart, it tells me that I am not suppose to give up no matter how hard things are. I have one question, when you meditate did your vision color changed. Like normally we see colorful things, after meditation your vision color changes to complete blue or any other color. I was meditating for sometime and when I opened my eyes I could see everything in blue except there multicolored particles floating in the air like red,blue,green etc. Have you ever experienced this before and thanks again for advice ladfyhawk. 😁 ❤
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-12)
Mubashir, now looking back, not making some decisions meant they were made for me... So I couldn't complain about where I found my self, sometimes unhappily. If I took the time and thought to myself 'if I do this, then what will happen?'I could at least get an idea where it could go. But actually, life is what's happening while you are making other plans. And it is rare that someones life goes exactly how they plan.So,the only thing I could actually have control with, to some extent was, what kind of person do I wish to grow to be. And starting with me, what kind of world do I want to live in... Then I found my paths were easier to choose... Not walk on...choose.Your heart and your heart of hearts will tell you, your fierce devine fire inside will strengthen your steps. And if you can learn to listen with spiritual ears, see with spiritual eyes, and speak from the truth of what you will learn, you might find yourself capable to travel whatever path you wish. Having said all this, becomming is a muscle only you can build, no one can do it for you, you wouldn't like thier choices anyway. Learn to live from the river beneath the river. Its not easier, its better. Blessed Be little brother, Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-12)
Well my definition of being normal is me without any abilties and living an ignorant life but I doubt I can do that. What can I say when I was meditating yesterday and I was thinking about living a normal and ignorant life, I didn't get a very pleasent feeling about this. I get this feeling everytime that there is something important I have to do in my life and I will know what is it once its time and I hear this voice in my head that keeps telling me to stay on the path I am walking on. I think its pretty annoying when I say won't worry about my abilities, then I say will become strong and I keep on saying that all the time. This only means I am not strong enough to take a decision. If you have any advices for me that would be appreciated and thanks ladfyhawk. 😁 ❤
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-11)
Mubashir,normal is one of those words... It has to be compared to another state to have relevance. I have never met normal,or... Everyone is a little 'teched' (slang for touched). We are all busy with our lives and it takes a lot of energy to hold up greater purpose as well as daily responsibilities. The cool part of being who you are comes through, whatever you do... Chores to prayers for others. You will shine through no matter and so will the unique ability. Blessed be little old brother... Hahahaha Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-11)
Very awesome and touching story ladfyhawk. Guess you were pretty strong empath from the start. I think my spritual balance is unstable again. It feels like my abilities are going away. Maybe I should try to live a normal life without worrying about my spiritual abilities.
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
+3
7 years ago (2012-03-11)
amymarie,my story about speaking to animals comes from a darkness once in my heart. When I was very young, as far back as I can remember, animals came to me without fear. Wild squirrels,chipmonks,birds...they all were at peace around me. But as I grew older and was influenced by other children I turned that trust into unkindness. My stepfather was a drinking man and it caused a lot of anger and anguish in my mother, I was her only child... Somehow the anger caught hold of me and I became cruel at times to the animals that showed me love. They never forsook me... They always came back and showed me the warmest considerations. When I was fourteen someone abandoned two horses at the barn I hung out in. I took one and a friend took the other... In those days the treatment of horses was different to how it is done today. My horse was an older gentleman, very accomplished in the world of rodeo and cattle working. I was a tom girl,wirey,strong,stubborn,and still angry at life. What started as love, became a battle of wills... Everyday I would jump up on him and want to run endlessly like a person possessed. And he would bear me on to his exhaustion... But if I gave him one chance, he would throw me or run me into something. Furious I would jump back on and ride even harder. This went on for months... One day I came with the bridle when it was time to feed... I said we are going riding now, you can eat when we get back. I put the bridle on but Arizona would not move. He looked at me and his eyes said"enough".I took the loose end of the reins and hit him... He just stood there... I was furious and started to hit him with the reins and my hands..."You will go!" I was shouting at the top of my lungs!"you will move now!"I was so furious... And Arizona looked at me, with old tired, wise eyes... And I saw him speak to me with those eyes"Do you feel strong now? Should I be afraid of you now? Do you think I have not seen worse than this or scarier than you? I have forgotten more... Than you will ever know." And my heart broke. His eyes tore me completely and I began to sob... I cried and cried as I took off his bridle and walked out the corral. I brought him hay and cried as I brushed him down. There was no more anger in me and on that day I became an open and blank page to my God. Empathy, and compassion filled me, never again could I look into the eyes of any animal and not know what they are saying. Arizona and I reconciled, found love again and I gave him to my mother who cherished him all the days of his life. I didn't return to horses until fory five years later, and having cared for many types of other creatures, wounded and wild, scared and alone... Babies abandoned, all eyes asking for mercy not expecting any, so many teachers that I had to listen no matter what... Arizonas eyes are still before me... Only within the last ten years did I fully realize I was looking into the eyes of my God all this time. I was given eventually the gift of a job at a barn as a second job. I mucked and fed and fixed fences without thinking of riding... I still felt I hadnt earned that right. But one day they needed my help on a big trail ride. I had been talking to the horses for months, as I cleaned,brushed,took care of wounds... I got up into the saddle and magic happened. It wasn't really pretty because I hadnt ridden in a long time, but it was there, a communication. I could call it the hayloo, the bond. Now I am considered a horse and animal whisperer. I train the young horses and teach humans how to understand and communicate effectively while they ride. Two horses were abandonned to the barn, one had been beaten severely. She and I worked together for two years and grew to care for each other. Her name is China and she has become my companion in work and freedom on the trail. She was my gift and I hers. We talk all the time...She, and her kind have taught me more than I will ever teach them... Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-11)
I don't think cosulting a doctor for psychic matters is very good because when you tell them your experiences they will say that you are mentally ill. So a person should consult a strong psychic for help. Hey amymarie that's great that you have strong affinity to animals. I used to attract animals a lot but I think I lost this attraction. I think its not a big deal losing abilities.
amymarie (2 stories) (19 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-10)
Ladyhawke: Milk is a she, I do feel very connected to her, though we've never spoken. I have an affinity for many animals, cats only just recently. She often knows when something is wrong or when I'm calling her without having me communicate that in any way. You said that you speak to animals? I'd love to hear about it ❤
Ruth (4 stories) (156 posts)
+1
7 years ago (2012-03-10)
Hey Mav
I have researched heavily the scientific explanation for sleep paralysis & have found it to be very unhelpful especially for those of you who are suffering from it. I know my theory is correct because I have helped countless of people who have sought assistance from doctors & specialists from sleep clinics with absolutely no positive result. Such a huge amount of time & money wasted on these clinics it's almost a joke.

Blessings
Ruth
Ravenula (3 stories) (115 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-09)
Hey again Mubashir - well swords have something to do with the Holy Spirit and a Source of Higher Light guiding you... Almost like by embracing the Higher self after choosing the way of Light. As it Guides you by being open to it, so you carve ways open for others using light in their darkness (ignorance) enabling them to better view and see spiritual things which are difficult to interpret.
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-09)
[at] spirited-away.I usually don't take my dreams seriously but sometimes if I don't take them seriously something bad happens to me. Well everyone has different dreams with different meanings. So let's just be ready for anything which is coming and thanks for the recommendation Ladfyhawk. 😁
Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-08)
Just a thought on the OB experience. Youve probably heard me say it before, there's a frequency to the spiritual and the material. The lighter spiritual has to reach the high frequency to lightly 'pass'between the 'molecules' of the heavier physical being. It is often explained as the feeling of death or tremendous pressure to the chest if the vibrations arent fully realized.Mubashir,it sounds like you may be a total natural like my father was, and haven't the need of 'excercising and practice of the steps'.I still recommend Robert Monroes first book as a pragmatic guide to how. I do believe that our minds get in the way a lot when we view the alternative realms. Its the biggest reason I find a prayer of protection adds to the clarity of purpose and thus aligns the spiritual voyage.Amymarie,your companion sounds most interesting, I have many animal teachers, and it feels like she (?) has much to share. I would be interested to hear about that, do you speake with her? Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
amymarie (2 stories) (19 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-03-08)
Thanks for the words and advice, I really appreciate it! Best wishes to everyone

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