It has been several years since I last posted on this site. Ever since my first story I submitted three years ago I have been trying to use and developing my atmokinesis ability off and on. Since then I have been in this cycle of trying really hard to develop my ability, getting very limited results, becoming frustrated and then giving up only to restart a couple months later. Now in this cycle of frustration I have had a couple of extremely awesome (but rare) successes. So I'll give you background on me and how far I have been able to push my abilities.
For awhile I had some triumph controlling the wind when I was outside over a period of a couple months. In fact one time during a warm spring day when there was virtually no wind at all I was able to get a really sizable breeze going that registered on my backyard wind gage at around 25mph. Sadly I have seemingly lost this ability as of late.
Probably my most intense experience was this past summer. We had a band of thunderstorm lift from the south in the late evening over my house. I was able to predict (or maybe cause I don't know) around 8 out of 10 lighting strikes and the rate at which the rain fell out of the sky. I don't know how I did it but I was able to connect to the storm while clearing my mind. It was interesting because the whole time I was doing this I was in an emotional state that I can only describe as a mixture of arrogance, and anger. After the storm passed I felt dirty and unclean almost like I did something wrong. I don't know whether connecting with that thunderstorm was the best idea but it was pretty spectacular. To bad I live in an area which hardly ever sees thunderstorms because I'd like to try repeating that experimentation.
Normally I'm a very modest person who doesn't display much emotion. As I've gotten older I feel as though I have become more numb to my own emotions. A good example of this is when my Grandmother died about a year ago. I felt sad but it was no where to the degree of grief that siblings or parents went through. Don't get me wrong, I was very close to my grandmother but my family was absolutely devastated and I just sorta wrote it off. Many people say that atmokinesis can be triggered by emotions but maybe my slow progression toward emotional numbness could be playing a role in my failures to consistently use this ability.
So what am I trying to get at? Well I have hit a wall. I can, every so often, control the "local" weather with ease but then the ability seems to leave me for long periods of time and I can't do anything. In retrospect when I was younger around the time I wrote my first story I could use my ability very consistently but anymore that consistency in controlling and using my ability keeps sitting just out of reach. It's incredibly frustrating sometimes when I'm sitting there trying to muster up a small gust of wind and I just can't seem to get to that threshold of actually making it happen. I mean I can FEEL it beginning to happen but then it just doesn't manifest. Is there anyone who has struggled with the same problem and has been able to overcome it? Any help would be awesome!