I'm not one to sugar coat or draw things out so I'm going to cut straight to the point-- who is always with me? I've never put this down in writing before, or have even spoke of it. I feel like there is always someone or something with me. It's consistently in not able to grasp, whether it's good or bad. It's in settling and sometimes makes me feel anxious but I feel like it's not necessarily a bad energy but my sense could also be totally biased in hopes it's my mom and dad.
My mom and dad passed away when I was younger, (9&11) both in which were quite traumatic. My dads death happened first when I was 9. Him and my mother had serious drug problems and he ended up getting in a car crash that ultimately put him on a ventilator for two weeks, then took his life. My mom passed when I was 11, her death was very, very hard for me. Much harder than my dad's, who was actually my step dad. Her death was very abrupt and unseen and I feel like there might have been some negative energies or feelings trapped in us both at the end of her life that need to be released or communicated. Like I said, I'm probably biased but I also feel as if I've always sensed things other could not. My family has always told me about strange things I used to do when I was younger. I would scare my friends by telling them about their dead relatives that I had never met.
Unfortunately for me, or maybe it is fortunate, I can't hardly remember my childhood, probably blocked a lost out. I just need help.
It seems as tho I lost my sense in the trauma of my youth.
I thought as you grew older you were supposed to be less afraid of the dark? Seems like I'm finding myself laying awake being scared and almost frozen in my spot because the feeling of the presence behind me is so strong. It's never tried to hurt me or communicate in any way other than its sense of presence, but I can tell there's something there. It's been here for so long I am able to ignore it sometimes but other times it really gets to my nerves. I know energies feed off energies so it's partially my fault. Plus, it seems like I'm stuck under a constant grey cloud of luck and actual happiness it seems these days and I feel like this might be part of the reason. I just want to be at peace and any other spirits involved.
If you have any information to help me please share! It will be greatly appreciated.