Ever since I can remember, I've always been able to sense spirits or entities around me. For a while (my early 20s) I felt that I was starting to accept my talent, rather than being afraid of what I was experiencing. I had a number of close family members pass away throughout my adolescents and, during this time, I felt I was beginning develop a sense of communication with them, especially my grandmother. I also feel like the spirits I have encountered throughout my life have guided, protected, and/or educated me on things in ways that I am not sure I can articulate.
However, this all began to change after I experienced a strange sleep paralysis-like state one night when I was 26 years-old. (I've tried explaining this to other people and most think I'm being over dramatic.) I was laying with the lower half of my body laying on its side, while my torso was laying flat on my back. I was woken up by the feeling of my body being pushed down into my bed by two points of pressure on both shoulders. My body was paralyzed and I couldn't move. Although I couldn't see anything, I could sense that there was something standing approximately 10 ft. Away just watching me. Eventually I decided I was going to mentally "fight back" at whatever was pushing me down by thinking to myself, "Leave me alone." Within seconds I could move my elbow at the joint and made a sweeping motion like I was pushing something off me. Then I was able to move. I was royally freaked out but knew I couldn't let my fear get out of control. For some reason I always just felt growing up that I needed to stand my ground because fear made whatever was around me worse. The next day I smudged my apartment, heard some crazy banging on my walls during the process, and then called my spirit guides in to help (my deceased relatives). I asked for their protection and tried to mentally block out what happened. Since this experience I feel like I've lost all connection to my spirit guides or other entities completely. It's been almost a year and I feel like I haven't been visited by any spirits or gotten any messages. I'm nervous to "invite" or ask for connections with the spirit world (I'll just call it that) for fear of inviting bad energies or spirits in.
Anyone have an ideas of what's going on? It sounds lame but I miss my grandma and I would really like to start feeling her presence again. Am I losing or growing out of this ability? Any help/ideas would be appreciated!