Where to begin? My first psychic experience was when I was about 10. I had used telekinesis but didn't realize it at the time. I had made a flag pole hit another student. The way it was positioned should have not made it possible for it to happen but it did. I forgot about this ability.
When I was about 12-13 I had started to get interested in psychic abilities. So I started meditating. It helped me relax. But the thing is I have something called Aphantasia, which means I can not voluntarily see images in my minds eye. So I can't see images if I try to visualize it but I can still have dreams when I'm asleep. So when I first started to meditate it would just be darkness I see no images, its more thoughts than pictures. With the aphantasia I do not experience daydreams fully with all five senses. I'm lucky just to see a color now and then. So when I started meditating I did start to see images but it was more just a speck or small section of my minds eye not like a full view. I would just see random images, it did get to where I started to see stuff where it happened later on. It would be something I would see on tv or read. Then one day I saw a murder. I didn't know when it would happen or how to stop it. I didn't find out until months later that it actually happened. This scared me so I stopped meditating for a while. So I focused on trying to develop other abilities. During this time I started to hear spirits, and see orbs. The hearing spirits would be when I'm alone they would be footsteps and things creaking and bangs. I wasn't afraid. Id occasionally see orbs. When I would wake up from sleeping I could see orbs but after fully waking up I couldn't see them. I also had empathy, I could send thoughts to people and a couple other things I don't remember off the top of my head.
When I started becoming aware of my abilities it made me question god and why I can do these things when I was taught that its something that the devil does and that I'm possessed or something. That my abilities are evil. I believed my abilities came from god it was during this time that my experiences took a turn to the worst when I renounced my belief in god. I had attracted a demon and was being haunted. My abilities to hear and see spirits made being haunted terrifying. I started to see shadows and I even heard hell. The screams and the sounds I can't even describe it. There's no words for it. I saw a shadow man with a top hat. I hated being alone. I couldn't stand the quiet because I would hear the sounds. I became terrified of everything. I told my parents about it and they thought I was crazy I was sent to see a shrink and put on medication for schizophrenia I was recently able to get off the medication on my own.
Now I want to be able to use my abilities without being terrified.
What do I do?