Lately I have been trying to figure out how to control my "abilities" or whatever you want to call them. I guess you could say I'm still kind of skeptical on what exactly I can do and whether it means anything. I read a few stories on here and decided to go meditate. So I went outside. Well, it was really calm and peaceful because it is drizzling outside. I went out there but just could not seem to concentrate enough to go into a "trance" of any sort. Then my mom and sister got home. My mom won't believe anything I tell her about this sort of stuff so I just came on in and told her I was standing out there because it felt good. She told me to go out on the front porch so I wouldn't get all wet and have to have another shower.
So I go into my room and get a pillow to sit on and a blanket to wrap up in. I go outside and start concentrating on things to get into a trance mode. I finally do but when I try to do things or "control" things nothing happens. I get upset with myself because nothing is happening and the wind picks up along with the rain and the door starts blowing back and forth. I am not sure if it was coincidence or not because I couldn't seem to do anything. I tried manipulating water with no luck. I tried manipulating wind with no luck. I try to make lights flicker so on so forth, no luck. I don't understand what is wrong.
I know plenty of people here can use all sorts of manipulation techniques and so on, but when I try, nothing happens. So I'm still in my "trance" mode and I start hearing noises coming from everywhere. Cars, dogs, birds, kids and someone talking really quietly, but I can't make out what they are saying. It sounded like a couple arguing. Then my mom comes outside and starts talking to me. I try to respond, but I'm so zoned out I can't say anything immediately. So she walks over to me and shakes me and I snap out of it.
I answered her question and then could not go back into a trance mode. I walked inside and sarcastically told her thanks for waking me out of my trance and she tells me that I am weird for calling it a trance. I told her that that's what I called it because when I do that I can hear all sorts of things and it is kind of like euphoria of sorts. She still tells me I am weird and leaves. So end of story.
I don't know how to control anything except going into a trance and as far as astrology and things like that. I don't really think I believe in tarot cards and such. To me that is just a form of magic, which I do believe exists, but is extremely rare to find someone who can really do any type of magic/shamanism/ ect. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have no control over any so called abilities I have and need help.