Although I am not very new to things happening to me or to the psychic world, I am rediscovering it after a very long dormant time of my life. I am trying to believe in myself again and finding my way back to learning the way of the light, as I like to call it. Its definitely why I am reaching out to get some support and answers through my journey. Since I was a child, I had always been interested in the supernatural, paranormal, or psychic worlds. I was so curious and intrigued to the point that I would beg my parents for money to buy books on the subject. When I was ten, I had read that it is possible to cultivate your psychic abilities. So I tried an exercise that was one of many to follow in the years to come.
I had been in my parents van with my little brother. We were on our routine trek to the grocery store. I new the route and the place, it was like clockwork. What I had done was closed my eyes and placed my head down into my hands, so that I could not physically see where we were going. I kept quiet and didn't tell anyone what I was up to. When my mother asked what I was doing, I just said, "nothing, I'm trying something" and left it at that. I was remote viewing - I saw that my dad would be parking his van next to a red/maroon car with a black hard top on it. The image came to me - I did not extend that thought to my dad. As we pulled into the parking space, before I got up, I asked are we parked yet? My mother said yes and I slowly lifted my head and noticed that to my left was a blue car and I said ah shucks, then I looked out to the right side - opposite to where I was sitting and there it was. A maroon car with a black top. In my mind I had a much clearer picture and as soon as I saw it, I knew that was the car. With that being said, I thought it was fun and it gave me something to wonder about. I also wanted to know how I could protect myself from negative people and other things...
I have always been "too sensitive" to other people's feelings. My emotions were very deep, especially for a 10 year old and even younger than that. I would go to church and begin to tear up almost immediately - I had an overwhelming feeling of pressure that I really couldn't explain it. My mom used to ask if I was crying and I would say no and look away. She would then say what are you crying for? I told her I don't know what was happening. This happened EVERY time I went to mass. If there was music and singing, forget it - I would completely loose it for no reason, just because of the flood of emotions. When people or animals were hurt, I cried for them, when people were nervous I felt the anticipation with them. I always knew that I could pick up on the energies around me. I had the mindset that I can send out strong and powerful energies surrounding myself and it would rub off on other people. So I did attract a whole world of people, I connected effortlessly with all kinds of people. In high school, I had a lot of friends - I didn't belong to any particular clique, but I could and did fit in everywhere. High school years were very hard for me (I had many problems at home) and there are still complete gaps in my memory from that time that I have blocked out, but I am working on that. I do remember a recurring dream that surrounded my car. I was having these dreams for about a week or so. I would wake up with the sensation that I was choking on my car keys, it was so bad that I had to get up out of bed and reassure myself that I didn't swallow my keys, that they were in the same place that I had left them. During that time, I would often wake up from a dream and found myself sitting on the edge of my bed, as if I was sitting in the driver's seat and I was frantically feeling around on the floor for the brake pedal. The anxiety I felt from that had woken me up from this night terror. As I said, I had these dreams for about 2 weeks or so. The dreams stopped the night that my master cylinder in my car ruptured and left me with out brakes. I had just left my driveway and was slowly going down the street and began to approach the stop sign and then the brake pedal hit the floor - no stopping. Thank goodness I was "prepared" by these dreams and I did not panic, I just applied my emergency brake and ever so slowly went around the block and got back home - safely. Needless to say - I was stunned.
There were so many more examples of dream premonitions that I became so overwhelmed and confused about the symbolism and the differences between prophetic and psychological meanings that my mind shut down to protect myself. I could no longer "dream" where I could remember any details. So this ability was blocked for many years.
I can also "see" things. I have seen on more than one occasion mists or ghosts. Many years ago, I was completely involved with a man, heart and soul, and we were always on an emotional rollercoaster. We would occasionally take a break from each other, during one of those times that we were not speaking to each other I had seen a ghost in my room. I was in my living room and through the doorway into my dark bedroom I saw a white mist hovering in the corner, it was like trying to get my attention or something. I watched for a couple of minutes and didn't really understand what I was looking at. What I did understand was that I felt an overwhelming feeling of urgency to call my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend and offer my support to him. I had a lot of complex feelings at that time and my stubbornness kept me from calling him right away. I didn't know until weeks later that his grandfather had passed away and he was devastated especially because he was so close to him.
I also had picked up on my brother's anxiety the night he drove his car through a building. I was staying over at some friends' house after being out all night with them. As I was getting ready to go to sleep, I felt what was like an anxiety attack and I had to sit up in bed for a while until the feelings of tingling and stopped in my fingers and toes. I felt awful and completely drained. Early the next morning, I called home and spoke with my mother, before I could ask how things were; she told me that my brother was involved in an accident with his car. Luckily, no one was hurt, they were all able to walk away with out as much as a scratch on them. The car was completely mangled and the store was destroyed. Someone was certainly watching over him. Later I found out that he raced his sports car down a stretch of road that was popular for that sort of stuff and his engine choked out and he was panicked but something managed to keep him together long enough to direct the car into the building, just inches away from hitting a support beam that would have seriously injured them all.
Now many years later I am dreaming again. I am also feeling the call to go back to using tools such as the tarot cards. Just this past October, I had done some readings for friends at a Halloween party. I used to get my cards read by a friend when I was in college and I was essentially trained by her, so I was familiar with the meanings, but not solid on them. I remembered that the cards would "speak" to me, all I had to do was say it like I saw it, in whatever way I was interpreting them. Since then, many of my friends that were read, had experienced the coincidences that were foretold to them during their readings. During those readings, I would focus mainly on the positives and give strong suggestions in what to watch out for. I did see discord in one of the readings that was cause for alarm and I did advise her in that, unfortunately it is now playing out as predicted. I went to Salem MA to get my cards read, shortly afterward. I was in conflict of what I wanted to do with this ability that I had. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the possibility that I could do this. As I was with the reader, she saw that I was a pure channel and that eventually I would not need the cards and I could receive and give messages from my guides directly. I am not sure what this really is for me. I am confused. I am afraid to embrace it because of the ridicule that I would face from skeptics in my own family and friend circles. I often explain that I have a skill in "reading" people because of the work that I used to do (investigations) and that skill was useful in playing poker with them (I am very good at playing the people, not the cards per se). I know that there are genetic components i.e., my father used to call my mother a witch because she too could predict some events. But because I have been dormant for so long and living with the attitude of "show me the proof" that I am my own worse skeptic. I don't know what to believe and when it becomes overwhelming, I become "numb". I should also add that I do have fibromyalgia and have been disabled with this disease for a few years now. I wonder if this is the turning point that can help me with my disease. As I have read that empaths may have symptoms of fibromyalgia. I am looking for signs that I am on the right path. Can anyone relate? Have any advice on what I should be doing? I really need to convince myself - as I am having a hard time with this.
I send light, love, and peace to all