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What Is The Lie And Who Is The Liar?

 

I am normal. I am most certainly not different. Nothing is wrong with me. No matter how many times I repeat this over and over again, I can't help but know it's a lie. I'm a lie. Life itself is a lie. It's a liar. I'm a liar. We're all liars. The thing standing by my fourth bed post wasn't really there, the shadows on the walls aren't really shaped like the silhouettes of children, nothing is touching me. Lies. I can hear them, can hear snippets of conversations many summers past.

"It's because you don't listen to me anymore, Henry..."

"Shut up douche, Mel is in the room,"

"How do you know she can even hear..."

It's hard to block them out. They're everywhere - whoever they are.

"Alison I want you home by three,"

"Come here, come,"

"Are you listening to me?"

Too loud.

"Can you help me miss?"

I don't know if it's part of some age old chatter, or if they know I can hear them. If they are watching me while my fingers fly across the keyboard and type in these words. The truth is, I don't know if I can even help myself. I've always been a spunky child, always ready to learn, eager to please and makeup games. I don't recall too many strange things happening to me in my early years, nothing major. I was rather clumsy, but I do remember this one time, when I was around seven or so, that our old house was being renovated so the staircase railing was taken out.

It was after dinner and my two year old brother, Jacob, was standing by the stairs. Just standing there, staring into nothing. It wasn't until I had made an advance on him and had my hands on his shoulders that I realized what I was doing, but it was too late. Jacob was rolling down the stairs like a slinky - chink, chink, chink. I stared horrified as he barreled into the stone elephant statue we had close to the bottom landing. I don't know what happened, it was like my body wasn't mine anymore, like I couldn't control it if I wanted to.

It was a deja vu moment, like it had happened once before. My brother was fine and unscathed and remains nice and healthy to this day - although the more I watch him, the more I'm finding he is like me (I will elaborate in a different story). I made rules from that day on, rules to live by. Rule one, don't hurt yourself and others. Rule two, help make your existence easier on the world, carry your own burden. Rule three, keep the facade up, build upon what you already have. Make the wall thicker.

I've been building on the wall for sometime but now that I'm thirteen, I feel raw. Hallow. Like all my insides have crumbled and burned to the ground. Ash. For nearly six years - six sweet, sweet calm and peaceful years - things have been alright. I was the happy-go-lucky, smart, courteous black haired black eyed loud girl. The one who made friends easily and made people gravitate towards without trying because of her wholesome, positive yellow aura.

It's not like that anymore. At least, I know and feel it's not like that anymore. I don't want to make my parents or friends worry, don't want my chocolate covered coat to peel away to reveal the raisin inside. Lately I've been feeling drained, like the positive energy has gone, and what has come with the tired days has come long nights and the headaches. And the voices.

"Shut up and get into the car Mig,"

"You can't stay like this forever, it'll end soon,"

"How could you, Beth?! Why would you..."

"Listen to me."

"Watch."

I don't want to, but I can't help it. I have to listen, have to watch. Sometimes the voices are quiet, little whispers in the back of my cranium, at other times it's more than just static feedback - its deafening and is the equivalent of the roaring rapids and whitecaps of Niagara Falls. It gives me headaches. Its not only while I'm conscious that these occurrences happen, I dream of them as well. Day after day, night after night. I dreamed of the end, of the beginning...of strangers. Just the other night I woke to lights similar to a miniature Aurora borealis. Yellows, light oranges, cerulean blues and violets. Surrounding my bed and room, swirling, dancing, laughing.

I don't know what I am. What I can be labeled as or what I can be labeled as not. Its confusing and disorienting, the stories posted by all of you are so...other worldly. I don't know anymore if I'm going insane - if its all in my head - or if what's happening is really real. I've tried convincing myself that whatever wasn't true. That it was all a lie like most things should be, but I know that that is just another lie. My gut says; yes! You are seeing this, it's all true! Logic says; you're insane! This sort of thing isn't possible, you've been reading too many horror and supernatural novels and watching one film too many lately. Your a crazy little squid. My head says I need a kit kat. That I need a break. That everyone just needs to shut up and quiet down for a while.

I know a little bit about the art of divination - a bit of each subcategory - and what not. Don't get me wrong, I'd fail a pop quiz about the subject if you pulled one on me, but I understand most PSI and ESP things related. I know about the third eye. I've never seen a real psychic, although there is a psychic fair that takes place in my town in the Holiday Inn every now and then every year. I've always had a pull towards the paranormal, but try not to be too absorbed. I don't want to lose sight of reality, but the more I think about it, what is reality? How do we know we are or aren't alive? Do the voices mean I'm psychic, or mentally unstable? I need help with this whole... acceptance thing. I don't want to believe, but I do.

I lie to myself to make the rest of the world see me as who I want the rest of the world to see me as. My facade is wavering and I'm not so sure of my state of mind anymore. Any suggestions as to how to make the volume of the voices to lower would be welcome. I don't know if I'd want them to disappear, though, I've grown fond to the non-silence. Maybe there's something I can carry around, like a crystal or symbol of some sort? An incantation? Harry Potter hocus pocus aside, I would like to learn more. How to...grow -sort of (?) - and expand my horizons. How to tell the 'lie' and the 'liar' apart. Is it wrong to lie, to tell myself that this is just a phase and I'm just experiencing extreme amounts of paranoia? Or is it wrong to feel the need to accept the 'normal' for those who hear and see the same as a living breathing community separate from the rest of the world?

Feel free to comment.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, echopraxia, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

echopraxia (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-20)
thanks all, I'll keep your advice in mind as I go through the day😳
Sunspotter (6 stories) (109 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-05)
I personally sometimes hear my name being called. Normally by...children. Anyways, you aren't crazy. What you have is called clairaudience.

Yes, it's alright if you pretend like it's not real. You're in denial. We all go through it. We tell ourselves everyday that doesn't exist no matter how much you do or don't want it to happen.

You're still that positive yellow aura on the inside, you just have to look for it. Think positive. Meditate. There is no physical object that can protect you from these voices. You could try something you love dearly or something that you believe will work, but in reality it comes down to your own mind.

Best wishes and good luck,

-Sun
epoy1984 (14 stories) (644 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-04)
WanderingWayne
I also heard strange voices telling me to keep away from accidents and disasters.In other words the strange voices are keeping me safe and telling me the right thing to do but whenever I heard them I always am trying to find them but I can't.Good day😊
WanderingWayne (4 stories) (107 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-03)
I have occasionally in my life heard people yelling at each other in anger. I have also had a mans voice wake me up one time saying "Don't do drugs". The other morning I heard a woman's voice very clearly pronounce my name. Usually when I was half asleep, once when I was watching TV. I'm am only putting this in your comments as one more person who has heard voices. Hope it gives you some small comfort to know that there is one more who knows it's possible.
spiritualmom (3 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-03)
You are not crazy! You seem to be extra sensitive in hearing these voices, past imprints maybe? I also am claraudient. The interuptions and noise can be intrusive at times, but as you grow and develop you will be able to tone them down and tune into the ones that are important. Please surround yourself with the white light of the Holy Spirit. (just say those words and see the light surround you) then when you are meditating picture the voices coming from a radio in your head and turn down the volume. Also pay attn to the feelings associated with the voice and the mood that you are in. You will start to notice a pattern, like they are louder when I am tired or it happens more frequently in the evening. I really think that all of this comes from God and is part of the plan for us. Seek out assistance and read everything you can. Eventually you will be able to control your reaction to this. Pray and meditate daily for guidance. You need to focus on just being a kid and having fun, keep that bright yellow aura glowing, the purpose and plan God has for you will be revealed when you are ready!
echopraxia (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-02)
thanks for the inputs, I really do appreaciate them. I'm thinking about seeing a trained psychic or someone who knows more, but I really don't know many people in my area that are...paranormal accepting so I'm going incognito for now. I do have religious a few items such as a bible and rosaries in my room, and do a little bit of meditation to cleanse my mind and stuff before I go to bed which helps with sleeping (sort of). I'm still getting headaches and light headed though. I don't know if this is linked with anything, but I have a simian line on my right palm...
epoy1984 (14 stories) (644 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-02)
You are right just pray to god for your safety so that evil spirits cannot harm you.Good day 😊
StarryNight (1 stories) (2 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-01)
I'm new to all of this, but what I do know is that I would get so scared as a child of the "orbs" and "shadows" (I've never heard the voices) that I would try and block out everything. I am just now at 27 and after several other experiences being honest with myself and others. Mostly because my father wanted to stamp out whatever was "different" about me. Please, protect yourself through prayer. I am a Christian and find great comfort in sleeping with my Bible when things get heavy. Protect yourself but be aware of what's around. The Bible teaches us to watch and be armed while always being aware of what is going on around us. Maybe if you carried a New Testament pocket size around that would help. Stay strong and know you aren't alone kiddo. I hope I haven't offend you with my faith or with my suggestion. I respect others beliefs, and please respect mine. ❤
peotic555 (18 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-01)
Pray and ask for the voices to stop and believe and they will. Good Luck! And be strong.
phoenixboo (2 stories) (12 posts)
 
10 years ago (2009-10-01)
wow, where to begin...for a thirteen year old you have the weight of the world on your shoulders...you should be thinking about the boy down the road...or how to style your hair for the day...this is HEAVY stuff here and I feel for you...i sank in my chair reading your story...i only hear voices when I am half asleep- they wake me up and I have spirits physically touching me every day.I really know how you feel when you think you are going insane...i have asked myself the same questions...is it real? Am I going crazy? Why is this happening...i have no answers for you honey, but I want you to know that you are NOt alone and you are certainly NOT crazy...i hope someone with more experience can help you with this...maybe you can go and see a gifted psychic or someone you trust that you can talk to...the burden is always halved if you have a true friend to share with... Phoenixboo

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