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Free Will Is A Lie


Ever since I was about 8 I've had a certain type of dreams. To be more precise, dreams that predict the future. I would be in a situation and I would remember that someone was going to say this or that, what thought I was going to have, how I would feel about it, where I was etc. Some call this Deja Reve, due to the similarities with Deja Vu.

During my teens all this basically disappeared. I didn't dream a lot (or I just didn't pay any attention to them) and I was not spiritually inclined at all.

At this point in my life I was picked on vigorously, as I was the youngest in class, I thought I had friends but they actually only used me as a doormat in order to make fun of me and be "popular".

I actively fought that both psychically and verbally, to little use unfortunately.

Skipping to my 18th life year, I was actively smoking weed (a lot) which is when something happened that destroyed my chances at being a "normal" 18 year old. Due to whatever reasons I had a psychosis. During which I was convinced the people around me where out to murder me.

I had therapy for 8 years in order to treat that.

There were times I was afraid to even leave my parents house, be outside, with other people or have social contact in general.

I contemplated killing myself so much I had lost count. Yet for some reason I didn't do it because I felt sorry for my parent if I did so.

Skip forward another 5 years. I met a girl, someone full of love and joy and vitality. Basically the complete opposite of me, yet in a lot of ways there were a lot of similarities, humor, type of movies we liked etc.

Unfortunately my trust issues started getting the better of me and I accused her of cheating. I just could not help myself. There was something in me, so insecure, so afraid of the world and losing the one thing which seemed to care about me that just couldn't bare to be without that.

Of course this led to a break up, which I did not see coming. Or so it would seem at the time. A few months before the relationship started to go down hill, I started having the Deja Reve's again. More intense then ever.

For someone who had a psychosis this tends to be quite the frightening experience. You already doubt reality and adding onto that you now seem to know things before they happen.

After the break-up the frequency of the Deja Reve's started to increase even more. Up to the point where I am now, having them about 2-3 times a month. Sometimes even 2-3 times a week.

This leads me up to where I am now. With a whole lot of questions, writing this "experience" down for others to read. I am doing this for a specific reason.

I no longer believe in free will. To me free will is an illusion, a grant illusion that causes more pain than happiness.

Why is it that I can dream of a future event and still have to pretend that I'm this being that is "in control". I'm not in control at all. I bet I even know what responses I'm going to get. But I'll only remember them when I read them. I probably already knew I would be writing all of this down as a cry for help.

I'm stuck. I'm stuck between these two belief systems. One which has the illusion of being in control and the other of being completely helpless.

I can't take this anymore. I've read about these kinds of abilites being a "gift from god" or whatever. It's not. It's a curse. Someone or something is insistent I driving me towards a buttload of pain.

Things I would never have chosen myself had I have had the "gift" of foresight.

Yet some part of me is steering me into these piles of cow dung quite happily it seems. Why? Why would anyone do that to themselves. I can't find any good reason for that at all. All of this is not making any sense what so ever.

I'm even contemplating ending it again. Why would I live at all if I'm don't have a shred of control over anything?

I mean if free will is obviously a lie, why do anything at all?

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, areNdee, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

laurencat (8 stories) (20 posts)
8 years ago (2016-08-09)
From what I have heard, the universe operates on the law of attraction. If you think certain thoughts over and over again, then the things in your life will reflect those thoughts. For example, if I worry about not having money all the time, then I will remain financially poor until I change my thoughts. In your case, if you worry about not being able to make choices in your life, then you will continue to be in situations where you feel that you have no control whatsoever. Try changing your attitude, and your experiences will also change.
creed1975 (1 stories) (2 posts)
8 years ago (2016-08-08)
You do have the choice to change how you react to things, which is a lesson in and of itself. If you are dreaming of situations, perhaps you should focus on remembering what the dreams are about and if you feel the need to alter the outcome, any slight difference in how you handle it will change the trajectory and the outcome will be different. Even if you normally don't remember that you dreamt the situation until after, if you practice journaling your dreams as you have them, you will be able to recall them and act or react as you see fit, thus enforcing your free will.
There are solutions to every problem, the problem then becomes how much effort is one willing to put forth to solve or rectify what he or she believes is a problem.
Luka-luci-fer (1 posts)
9 years ago (2015-11-06)
I don't believe in free will anymore
Just like you i've been dreaming
Of everything going to happen in my life, since I was kid and it was bothering me all the time and I thought that I was going crazy even Though I still a kid at the time so I decided that I want to take something that calms down, and I thought of alcohol and weed, but I started as smoker then a weed smoker and I thought things will get better but unfortunately I start seeing dreams with every simple details and it makes me mad and when ever I get really drunk I see a lot of dreams telling me about the future and voices talking to me, I even know how I will die, but even though that I don't believe in free will anymore some how I think that you and I choosed this things we hate by accident while we were dreaming I mean maybe we was thinking it is just a dreams but didn't know its a reality
What I want to tell you we are cursed and blessed at the same time...
vardogr (9 posts)
9 years ago (2015-11-03)
if you don't believe in free will you should look up " incarnate". I assure you, you're not alone. For some of us, there is not, and it is amazing. Shine on (=

areNdee (3 stories) (6 posts)
9 years ago (2015-11-03)
Thanks for the replies so far, I really appreciate it!

I have decided to quit my victim act. I've been doing this for way to long. Even if I am not in control and my actions are some how foreseen by myself.
I figured what's the point in being upset about it? Obviously it's not going away and only intensifying better to accept it than live in fear of it.
There is as you said also some comfort in it. That somehow there is a part of me or actually the "real" me, which stands above time. This means I will not die after this life.

I've also decided that I will try to understand it and maybe develop this power and try to help others if I can.

All I can say is that the version of me that is typing this only has the illusion of not knowing. When I actually do know. So I'll work with that as best as I can:).

Thanks again!
Lorelei (2 stories) (7 posts)
9 years ago (2015-11-02)
My twin flame and I were just speaking about this last night. About how our lives aren't guided by our own hands but some thread that we are tethered on. It can be very alarming to know that you have no control but perhaps find comfort in that? Learn to be vulnerable and let go of control, and know that you'll end up where you need to be. Even if its not what you feel you deserve. These are lessons to strengthen us. And in order to bloom the lotus needs to be planted in mud.
unnoticed-ankh (14 posts)
9 years ago (2015-10-31)
First of all, I don't know what therapy did for you and from where your fears come from. I only can say, it is only fear. Maybe disconnecting from What you fear and calming emotion itself life could get easier, but I'm not expert in it.

You smoked weed, which could weaken your field (just like alcohol does) and (unless it's some kind of physical brain malfunction-doubt it) you opened yourself for some kind of hostile entity which breeds on you until now. First of all cleanse yourself and your space with sandalwood or white sage incence, try to meditate (clear your mind) a little. Focus on feeling love (to yourself or somebody else that is easy for you to love). There is also prayer to Arch Michael on the NET (I used one by Ama Nazra) worked nice:)

There are also psychics, but IF you're affraid... And also there are differe t kinds.

Just in case: it could also be sth from past, that just resurfaced. Anyway clearing atmosphere will do well.

IF it comes to precognition, just know, that what you see isn't what's going to happen. It's energy of what will happen taking into account present state of energies involved. If you see sth, you may 'influence' outcome so to say. Just dissolve vision, or change it after in your mind
Don't press it too bad. It may be (in cases of big events) that many see things. Few do anything else than being scared. In such a case you can't work out for them, you could hurt yourself, but you always may think and pray for all involved. This is your free will however, your choose. If you feel you wish to do so, or not.

Another matter: that you haven't asked for this gift. I strongly oppose such statement. It's mistake. All human beings have so called 'psychic abilities' staying dormant. Some have more inclination to this some to that. Some are opened and run down the families. Most people don't work on themselves for various reasons, so they aren't what people call psychic*.You may have worked it out somehow during previous lifetimes. You may activated this, or agreed for activating this in some way in this or before this lifetime.

Yes, because for most things we must agree for such thing, but it doesn't have to be on our so called 'conscious' state on earth, which is (in fact) very unconscious one:)

And if it comes to fears and happenings in life in general:
some actions may be 'viewed' by some beings as agreement. See it like this: you go to dangerous part of the town (you don't wonna be robbed) but robber takes it as an invite. You may open your field (you don't wonna be used, troubled) but some kind of entity takes it as an invite, or some physical issue treats it as its chance to manifest itself.
Don't be down because of it, but work it out and be happy, please:)

And remember: it's not a gift, it's not a curse. You can with assistance make things right. I bet you are loving soul, that, by having this ability on Earth wonted to assist others. I also suffered many times (because of feeling others pain) and I learned that by accepting and loving them I overpower them. I also worked out many, and still wrong judgements about people along the way, so it helped me a lot.

You will see things different way, when you'll go through, trust me. You will be happy that you worked it out for yourself and for others.

I read such thing myself once and I laughed, and now I do agree and think, that together (as groups of souls) we'll make things (b) right (er) and it will be so.

Best wishes ❤

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