I've posted here before and I thought I should share another experience.
Lately I've been trying to incorporate my shadow self by acceptance instead of rejection.
What I've been noticing is that when I take a shower and I have certain thoughts the water will change from being a regular heat to much colder or much hotter depending on what the thought is.
I've tested this extensively over the past week and there is nothing wrong with the boiler. It only happens when I let my mind flow and the thoughts come up and get rejected out of habit.
When the rejection occurs I snap back to the "now" and the heat of the water returns from being cold or hot back to the heat it had when I started showering.
Furthermore I'm noticing other things. For instance electrical appliances suddenly switching off, increasing or decreasing speed based on the same thoughts I have in the shower. When I have these thoughts I can sense my body physically contracting. In conjunction with this I've been feeling pressure on my third eye area and my crown chakra.
What I'm wondering about is how do I facilitate this process in a way that fosters acceptance instead of rejection. In other words how do I break the habit of rejecting those thoughts?
I've picked up meditation again which I dropped a few months ago due to time limitation as I was in the process of getting my Masters degree (still am but I have a lot more time on my hands).
For the record, I do not want it to go away, I want to see what I can learn from it and accept whatever it is.
Some other things I've been experiencing for some time now:
- Situations in which I realize I've dreamt that exact situation.
- An increased wonder about the world (specifically fractals, self-similarity).
- A growing will to confront and accept the things that have been happening (and have happened in the past).
- I've had a psychosis when I was 18 (telling me to go see a shrink will be met with a firm, no).
- I've stopped using my anti-psychosis medication (they were Dopamine blockers, I've researched Dopamine and from what I've read it seems to be tied to openness, enjoyment of life, rewards, things that have come back to me since I've stopped using it).
- I hear voices in situations where there is a lot of background noise. The voices are related to my psychosis and that situation (I've also been trying to accept the voices and what they are saying, they are as much a part of me as anything else and I need to accept that).
In case you're reading the above and have any doubts about my ability to function, think rationally or that I might present a danger to society. You should know that I've stopped seeing my shrink 2 years ago on their suggestion. Stating that I was highly functioning, no longer critical and not in need of treatment.
I'm hoping for feedback in any way shape or form. Thanks in advance.