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Filling The Void


Alright, so this is probably one of the darker stories you'll see on this site, so if you have spiritual problems with reading about demonic entities and so forth, do not go on.

A little background on me. I guess I've kind of always known psionics and other dimensions were real and so forth, but it took someone to verify it for me a little over a year ago for me to realize my actual potential and begin feeling energy. It wasn't anything too odd, at first. In my previous story, I discuss one such entity I encountered earlier on, the Lord of the Flies.

Probably a month or so after I posted that story, the entity I recognized as Beelzebub disappeared from my senses except remotely, and I dare not call it forth to my consciousness except in a strictly mental context for fear of it returning. But something else had taken its place. The winter brought about a fierce cold, rather than a putrid warmth, and it wasn't entirely empty, but it reminded a lot of my experiences with energy of the void, which is essentially an envelope of empty vacuum that encloses this universe from the next. I realized I was having an encounter with Belial, and that the Ba'al or Lords were the ones behind much of the evil and suffering in the world. For a time, about three weeks I believe, I think I was a bit possessed due to my compromised emotional state at the time. My body would emit an utter freezing cold that I could stand under any circumstance, but all others would feel it to the bone, and it didn't discriminate between how open they were or not. It was power I didn't really want to have in my hands, so I did what I could to cleanse myself and move onto whatever I would face next, at that point unaware that it could get much worse.

The void seemed like the only thing I could turn to to absolutely imprison and remove things from my paradigm of reality until I chose to free them in a limited frame of space from my own (basically I ignored their existence in that context), but that didn't help at all. The cold got worse. I didn't feel it of course, my skin had actually become very pale and dry, even though there was no nutritional reason for this change. I even went to a doctor, they said I was slightly anemic, but there was no way because my lab results were fine. They couldn't explain the coldness either. Recently I was told to fill my connection to the void, good and bad advice. It would shut me off to constantly shifting planes, but at the same time, it awakened a personal demon which I believe to be a self-expression of the anti-Christ.

Now be aware, for those who don't really understand metaphysics that well, these are only allegorical representations of yourself that exist on a level of reality in which time is constant. Any path that you choose is the way things are in the physical reality, a primary example being the choice between being good and Christ-like or incarnated as some form of Ba'al in your own sort of way. This would mostly be obvious in others and their perceptions of you, but self-perception is even more important. Being a good and generous person, or selfish and evil; lecherous and deceitful, rather than honest and genuine; I realized while these choices weren't really the ones I was making or were going to make, they suddenly became apparent in the way they would make me, and the true nature of my negative emotions were revealed to me in a visual way. I'm using these names for the sake of what they represent, they transcend belief structure in my opinion, just as a caveat on that.

Anyway, I feel as though others are embracing their darker halves more as I try to be better: greedy, hungry, lustful, angry and growing moreso by the day. It may be this place. Most of the people I speak of are just regular folks, who are messed up in a latent sort of way, but others are friends, and even I am being pressured by the negative spirits to be unconscious and less of myself. I read things on this site and all over that are similar. Accounts of good and evil personas that are denied or embraced, even balanced out, but my better half has developed as well.

I've started to have this connection with nature that is just uncanny. Most living things are unusually comfortable or compliant with me, even the things that could probably harm me, like stinging insects and wild animals. I realize being one with everything and trying to maintain a level of heightened awareness is ideal to the way I feel, helping to nourish the environment and allow it to thrive. I understand the creator/destroyer, day-and-night syndrome of duality behind everything, but my question is, what end does balance leave, does a lack of choice help or harm, how does lacking firm ground affect the way life flows? Does anyone have advice on being present in mind, relaxing or focusing, etc. I don't wish to make the wrong decision. Maybe me being good is the bad choice in the long run for humanity, or if I do evil, how much suffering will I experience subject to the state of my thoughts and how I perceive that right or wrong? I'm not trying to ignore karma. I'm just trying to understand it better. Because while I have a basic idea of both destinations, there are so many wrong turns I can take.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Sisyphus_Of_Comprehension, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Ladfyhawke (1 stories) (103 posts)
9 years ago (2012-03-12)
There is a small thought of under every responsibility fullfilled lies a treasure. In this duality the opposite is also true. But either way it is cause and effect. Your love of the wild is very good for you, the participation is wordless, the reactions learned are genuine, reaching deep inside you, your personal answers (the questions of the higher realities) reside there as well. You have read enough... Time to do, and be. Blessed be, Ladyhawke ❤
PathR (4 stories) (1247 posts)
9 years ago (2012-03-09)
Most western people will adhere to doing good.
That like attracts light. One does bad and it returns.

In indigenous people in the Amazon forest, kills and
Cuts off their enemies head, then shrinks the head
And wears it around their waist. Is a sign of great prestiage. One native american tribe the medicine man wears a belt and says to the Bad person this is going to come back at you and sort of shakes this hanging belt. One has to say is this
Wrong? It has been practiced in US before the Europeans came over. It is used as a device to bring the person back to the red path. So the intent is not malace but pushing and being their brothers keeper to come back to the true path. In many tribes if a
A man run wild in a sense they do
Not deem it bad but a way of understanding the human

I can only say for myself that learning and healing
There is shedding of the Shadow shelf. I only feel
You were lead to view to obtain your own healing as
We all must do. And this teaches us compassion of the human condition.

We all have choice of growth: that is the choice
Of light or dark. It is an amazing experience as
Humans learn healing old ways and
Give kindness and healing with experience to others.

Some of the areas you speak of dark and light.
Are as you mentioned a person choice.
So Yes what is in the head will reasonate to
Whatever plane they are working while living their
Daily lives.

The head is like an old engine and responds to conditing. Anger is not bad!
As primitive instinct people experience anger as fight or flight mechanism of survival. When we were hunters and gathers.

We can with positive thoughts and also understanding
Change our old conditing responses. Part is to embrace understanding that circumstances and the world is temporary.
Applying our breath and calming the body, help to
Train the mind and actions.
The book I enjoy is Zen
Book: How to become a buddah in 5 weeks by Giulo Cesare Giacobbe.
AnneV (4 stories) (1048 posts) mod
9 years ago (2012-03-08)
Being negative "is this place" and will continue to degrade which makes it hard for many people to chose positive. We are on a very coarsely vibrating plane of existence. That in itself is hard on the astral and mental beings inside these physical shells.

I personally do not believe in 'bad' decisions because every decision, good or bad (or as I prefer to say, positive or negative), teaches you something. You learn not from always doing right but by frequently doing wrong. You can lose yourself in a mind trap of wondering what to do next. I always say to do what you genuinely want to do if you think its end result is for the betterment of yourself and others. Some want to make that choice but simply cannot because they are not developed yet and their goal is service to self and not service to others. And in the end, that's okay because they will be in another life. None of us reach Christ consciousness in one lifetime. We are born over and over until we get it right and then we simply will no longer vibrate at this dimension and ascend to higher planes. This planet is a gift to us humans as a first grade classroom. The reason why I said in paragraph one that things are going to degrade is because too many humans lack the consciousness to take care of the earth and keep it preserved for the next generation so we're going to see more hate, wars, pollution and nuclear problems.

Things that don't resonate together fall apart. Now more than ever, I'm seeing long standing relationships fall apart, friendships, etc. If your friends (or whomever) take a dark path and you stick to a light one, you will eventually separate. This is neither good or bad, it's just the laws of physics.

As for relaxing and focusing, I love Byron Katie's thoughts about living in the moment and that asking yourself, "What is happening right now to me?" Most times it's nothing until we drag the past or present into it. The universe is kinder than we give it credit for if we focused on the moment but that is hard for most to do!

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