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How Do I Cope?


For as long as I can remember, my life was never normal. My parents, wannabe hippies from the 80s that followed the Grateful Dead around the country were as weird as they got. I spent the majority of my young life denying that they had lived the life they did. As I got older, however, I realized that they were more than weird. I remember clearly the time that Mama declared that she'd seen Dad make a crystal glow just by closing it in his fist for a few seconds. Even though I knew such a thing must be impossible, I believed her. After she found the Lord, she began to tell me crazy things about making all manner of electronics short-circuit (which we all now know for a fact), how she tried to throw her tarot cards away and they kept coming back to her (I watched her throw them away one day and an hour later found the same pack under the bed) and when she burned them in our burn barrel they spit sparks at her no matter where she ran around the barrel to get away from them, and how she remembered events from what must have been her past life. She'd tell me about seeing and hearing things that she knew weren't there and how, even as kid, she'd have the strangest, most realistic dreams.

After she passed away, all heck broke loose in our family. Cars got into accidents, basements flooded, snow fell in sunny South Carolina, and every imaginable hardship befell us. Less than a month after she died, I heard that my father, whom I hadn't spoken to in years, had also died.

At 17, I should have a normal social life, with lots of friends, right? Wrong. I guess something about me keeps everyone but the warmest of adults at arm's length. I feel uncomfortable in large crowds, and sometimes even get sick to my stomach when I know I have to be in one. It's not normal. Neither are the things I see out of the corner of my eye on a daily basis, either. I see outlines of cats in the shadows of my room at night, flashes of shapes as I turn quickly from one place to another, one time, I thought I saw my Grandmother on the patio outside of her room. I thought nothing of it until I left the room, went to the kitchen, and she was immersed in making dinner and hadn't been outside in twenty minutes.

I hear things. I know that sounds as corny as "I see dead people", but it's true. I've heard everything from people calling me who know haven't called me, to music playing that isn't playing, to my stuffed dog barking at me. I used to hear footsteps and animals in the house we used to live in, in the middle of the night, when my mother left for work. We didn't have animals, and only my brother (who was much too young to be making the mature masculine laughter I'd heard) and I were in the house.

I suppose I should mention the ringing in my ears, the strange gut feelings about people that I get. Some people just give me the heebie-jeebies, even if someone I know says that they're a good person. Also, in certain places, at certain times, I get this uncontrollable urge to shiver my shoulders hard, like I'm trying to shake something off them. I got it once standing on the shore of a lake, by a lake house, and I even once got it in the middle of our Walmart. The only other thing worth mentioning is the De Ja Vu. I've gotten it a lot recently, sometimes just from hearing a particular song I'd never heard before, as I surfed an unknown website.

I know that I'm far from normal, but it's just so hard to cope with. I'm sure that, if I had any idea what was happening in my life, I could probably get some semblance of control over it, but I don't know. If anyone has any ideas about anything I've mentioned, could you help? Thank you!

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, smacleod16, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Kaavs (2 posts)
12 years ago (2011-12-01)
Thanks to your parents, you have received something very powerful... Meaning, if you want to live a relatively (VERY relatively) normal life, you will have to learn to control your thoughts and emotions, which, by the way, are creating those weird things.
As you know, most people are thinking all the time, even without noticing it, and, in your case, thoughts tend to become reality, or, at least, physically influence the surrounding world. Meaning, your energy is far stronger than normal human's. And try not to be angry at someone, because consequences of that are very serious. You can try meditating, and you could check out Franz Bordon's Introduction into Hermetics book, which can be downloaded from internet for free, it's first part of exercises would be pretty much what you need. It's not going to be easy, but it's at least effective.
smacleod16 (3 stories) (4 posts)
12 years ago (2011-11-29)
I would just like to add that I noticed a while ago that, if I stare into space for a while, without really seeing, I start to see these things in the air. They're kind of like worms, wriggling about, but transparent. I can only see them outside, during the day. I don't know if this is pertinent, but it sure is strange.
smacleod16 (3 stories) (4 posts)
12 years ago (2011-11-29)
Cool, Aqua! I always thought my imagination was overactive. In fact, that's people used to tell me. It didn't help that I was a teller of tall tales growing up, either.
It's nice to know that someone else is experiencing or has experienced the stuff that I experience and understands it.
aqua- (1 posts)
12 years ago (2011-11-29)
wow, id just like to say, your story is so much like mine it gives me the shivers!
My parents arn't normal by any means.
When I was a kid I would hear strange animals in the house and when we went camping I would see strange shapes in the bush at night.
I would see shadows of people walking the halls of our house. And cat ghosts or whatever they were...
I get shivers all the time! Its like there is something between my shoulders I have to shake off. I don't really know how else to explain it. Sometimes when I go to certain places I get really sick or I know something bad has happened there.
I can tell a person just by looking at them.
And lots of other little things...
Becky666 (124 posts)
12 years ago (2011-11-29)
I am thinking that in your family the ability is hereditary. It sounds like you may have psychic vampirism and I would suggest regular meditation
smacleod16 (3 stories) (4 posts)
12 years ago (2011-11-29)
I forgot to mention the times that I've gotten a very strong feeling that I'm being watched, and a particular story that my mother told me, once. One day, when I was an infant, she was downstairs fixing a meal in the kitchen, while my dad and my great grandparents were conversing in the next room. Suddenly, she heard a strong female voice next to her say,"Go check on your daughter! Now!" She ran upstairs to my crib and she found me on my belly, with my face pressed into the pillow. I was still unable to move around a lot, because I was born weak and oxygen deprived, so I would have smothered if she hadn't found me when she did. When she asked my family if they had heard the voice, too, they said they hadn't. She was the only one who heard it!

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