My name is Kevin and I'm 42 years old. Until recently I have NEVER had any experiences with the paranormal, psychic ability, or medium-ship. I am adopted so I couldn't tell you if any one in my birth family has or has ever had any "Special Abilities". About 2 years ago I happened to overhear a coworker talking about being on a paranormal investigation team, and that set everything into motion that brought me to where I stand today. In some way I think I was "meant" to hear that conversation. I was able to join the fore-mentioned paranormal investigation group and I am still a member of that team today. On my very first investigation I was able to capture a Class A EVP giving an answer to a direct question. On my 2nd investigation (at the same location as my first investigation) I had a male voice whisper in my ear. As the investigations continued I continued to gather EVPs at a growing pace, out pacing others in the group. I then began to "feel" the energy of spirit on investigations if I was in close proximity; the hair would stand up on my arms, goose bumps would rise, and a slight chill would over take one side of my body. I couldn't discern between the different energies, only feel the presence of a spirit (s) if I was close to one. As time went on I started to feel unusual, just out of sorts, like my body was "out of balance." Very hard to describe the symptoms I was and still am feeling, but I can tell you that I am now quite clumsy when it comes to holding on to things; I drop stuff constantly. As I continued to do investigations I felt myself becoming more and more compelled to be more spiritually connected. I soon began to feel like I was supposed to be on a spiritual "path" of some sort, though I had no idea what that path was or where it would lead, or even how to get on such a path. I just felt like I NEEDED to find a Spiritual Path for a specific reason. With no help or guidance I soon began to feel like I was lost, wondering in a daze, not knowing where I should be or go (not literally; it was an inner feeling of being lost, looking for a way). What I felt I needed to do was find someone who could look deep inside me, see my True Spirit, guide me, and then continue to Guide me as a mentor.
For a short period of time in our paranormal group we had a Medium that worked on some of our investigations. She is becoming quite famous in my town and as such she is Very busy, so I have never had a chance to sit down with her for a personal reading, though I was able to get a text to her about what I had been feeling that was answered. She said that her Guides were saying that I needed to look up "Kundalini Rising" and "Spiritual Ascension". I did that and unfortunately only answered a few of my questions. I wanted more, Needed MORE!
A few months later a new Medium joined us on an investigation and I instantly felt drawn to this man and his abilities. So, after the investigation was over I asked him if he could do a reading on me ASAP, and also answer a great many?'s that I had. Mainly, do I possess ANY sort of psychic or medium abilities that may be suppressed? A few days later I had the reading with this Very Gifted Medium, who is now my Spiritual Medium Mentor. He did confirm that I in fact have buried deep inside me the Medium-ship gift! Though I would have to work very hard at bringing it back to the surface. He was committed to helping me get there if I was committed to doing the necessary work that he was told by his Guides that I needed to accomplish. Mainly, meditating every day 30-45 minutes for a minimum of 6 weeks without missing a day (or I would have to start over from the very beginning), and reading two specific books, that he was told by his Mother who has passed and "rarely speaks up", that were to be required reading on my part. Check and check, initial homework started!
The daily mediation helped me cut down dramatically the "noise" that had occupied my brain for quite some time, allowing me to open up my mind to a few vivid, though very short visions while in deep meditation. I had a vision of standing next to a school bus and their being a sense of urgency, panic, and some shock, surrounding the school bus. Two weeks later in my town a 12 y/o boy got off the bus at his house, quickly went inside, and then returned back to the bus with a 9mm and proceeded to place 3 shots into the bus (fortunately no one was hurt). I had told my Mentor that I think something might happen to a school bus, though I cannot tell you what or how or when. We both proceeded to wait and see what might arise. This could have been only coincidence that this school bus shooting incident happened. It was 2 weeks after my meditating vision.
The only other vision that I had while in deep meditation was after getting very frustrated that after a whole week and a half of meditation that I got nothing in the way of visions, communication with spirit, feelings, or messages, only a black screen behind my eyes. At wit's end I yelled out (at home mind you, not in public) "OK, SOMEONE, GODS, GUIDES, DEAD RELATIVES, SOMEHOW give me a Sign that what I am doing is not in vain, that I am actually accomplishing something in bringing this medium-ship ability to the surface!" The next day at the fire station where I work as a fireman I completed the first of the two books that I was assigned to read and the last chapter in the book was titled "The Last Signs". The author of the book, who is a very famous Medium, was telling the story of the sign that she received letting her know that she was truly a Medium able to fully proceed with her Medium-ship abilities. It was vision of a large rose floating at the foot of her bed one night that she woke up to that hung suspended mid-air for over an hour. After consoling with her mentor at the time, it was explained to her that a vision of a flower, especially a rose, floating in mid-air is a sign of impending medium-ship. From there this author has become a Very famous and trusted Medium. After finishing this chapter I meditated, and once again while in deep meditation I had another vision and this one was not to be mistaken: I was in the back of my truck (from my prospective) and it was in motion, and there in between the two front seats was a vase full of these beautiful, fresh, cream and red colored flowers, petals showing fully but not opened yet. Believe it or not, it didn't actually dawn on me after I finished up with the meditation what I had just witnessed in my vision and what it could mean. I also could not figure out why this vision took place in my moving truck with me in the back seat. Well, it only took about 10 minutes of me driving home that night from the fire station for it to sink in what that vision of the flowers truly meant! Spirit is sly. I was being shown this vision occurring in my truck because I was being told that it would all come to me while driving in my truck. But, there was something more to this vision that was Very profound to me, and I had just realized it! Just a week or so before all of this happened my Stepmother had given me a flower in an airtight container from my Grandmother's funeral from over a year ago. I had left it at her and my Dad's house after the funeral only to forget it there until it was given back to me on Easter. On the way home in my truck having the true meaning of this vision hit me, it occurred to me that the flower that I saw in my vision was the same exact flower that my Stepmother had given me from my Grandmother's funeral: A Creme and Red Rose. My Grandmother, who I loved dearly, was sending me the sign that I had asked for just a few days earlier. Now... Where to go on this Path?
About a week later I sat down with my Mentor and talked about this vision while meditating of the flowers and how they came to be in this vision. We talked about other things as well and in the middle of the discussion he said to me "Read me." "What?", I replied. "Read me, you are ready." "Ok, but I doubt this is going to work out the way you planned. I don't feel anything, I don't see anything, I don't feel connected to anything. I have only had a few things appear to me very quickly while in deep meditation." "Don't worry about it", he said, "take my hands initially to make a connection and then just say what comes to mind." So I did, not knowing what to expect. I didn't communicate with any spirit, I didn't feel connected to any spirit, I didn't hear any spirit, I just saw pictures or thoughts (I can't explain the process yet) of his life and felt some feelings that he may have had at those times in his life. At the end of about 10-15 minutes of this he leaned over and said emotionally, "Thank you, Kevin. You just read me and brought up memories and feelings that I haven't thought about in a very, very long time." Encouraged, I then tried to read his wife and I ended up hitting on some things with her as well. Again, pictures or thoughts of moments in her life. No direct communication with any spirit that I felt. My Medium Mentor left me that evening with a few words of easy wisdom; he said the only way to now do this and do it right is to just begin doing it. Don't worry about getting things correct, just go out and do it, that's the only way it will really come to you. So, I did just that. I set up a reading with some friends from my paranormal investigation group who are married and they invited a friend who was a stranger to me. It was more of an experiment to me to see if I really had any abilities. I still didn't trust myself, even though my Mentor said that I read him like no other Medium has. He could just be telling me that to boost my confidence. I tried to read the stranger first and I hit on some things with her passed Mother, like her Mother's favorite movie "Gone With the Wind". My friends were about impossible to read. I got most of their readings dead wrong! The whole night I felt like I was guessing on everything, even when I hit on some things with the stranger.
Finally my? To anyone with words of wisdom or advice that could help me build on these, as of yet, very very immature skills. I don't, I repeat, "DON'T" feel like I have any medium skills as of yet. I have only had the two visions while in deep meditation and the correct reading of my Medium Mentor and the mostly correct reading of his wife. At no time have I ever felt like I was connected to any Spirit, even while reading. At no time have I ever been able to connect with my Spirit Guides, something I desperately want to do (I know of Mediums who have daily conversations with their Spirit Guides). At no time have I ever seen a Spirit. At no time have I ever seen someone's aura, including mine. I can't, as of yet, even tell what type of Spirit or how many Spirits are in a house during investigations. I just am able to feel the generic energy of a spirit when I'm close. I don't have dreams that are prophetic, like most Mediums claim to have. In fact, I can hardly remember any of my dreams. Yet my Mentor tells me that I am a very Gifted Medium (his Guides words he says, not his). I just don't feel like it yet, if I truly am one. Am I just at the very beginning stages, a child? How do I open up the door? Do I just sit back and let it happen, hope that it happens, play the waiting game? Do I try harder and harder every day during meditation to "feel" something?
Just this past weekend on an investigation my Mentor was communicating with a child spirit in the house. He asked if I sensed that spirit, to which I said "No". I asked the child spirit aloud if he had any recommendations for me on how to see him, feel him, communicate directly with him, etc. His answer, through my Mentor Medium, was that I had the shade pulled halfway down. I need to open the shade fully. It's frustrating because as I mentioned earlier, I feel the need to be on a spiritual path for a very specific reason (to help people who have lost loved ones), but that path is not defined. There are hints of a path that is close, but still blind to the eye.
Where do I go? What do I do? How do I feel? How do I think? To open up this gift that I am told I have. It's funny, I read stories on this site all the time of "natural" mediums and psychics asking advice on how to cope with their gifts and abilities, sometimes asking how to stop letting it interfere with their life. They are looking for ways out sometimes, and I am looking for a door to let me in. Am I the crazy one?