I don't feel like a human being. I never have once in my entire life, and I barely have the words to explain what all this means because its just an indescribable feeling. Mix being constantly left out with the need to fulfill an undefined purpose. I don't understand why people do what they do. I'm always watching, listening, searching for an answer and I just don't GET IT. I feel like I'm on my last life and I haven't done what needs to be done, but I'll never figure out what it is. I feel like I'm important, just not in this time period, not in this place/planet. And of course I sound like a nut!
I was looking at old family photos and I was thinking, we all look alike. My greatgrandma, my grandpa, my mom, and me. Same face. But I can't relate to them at all, I don't feel included in this a bit. And then we're all going to die, we're going to be forgotten, and nobody will ever know or find significance in the fact that I or any of them lived. And I just burst into tears. All these feelings of dread and irrelevance have cumulated into a lifelong nightmare, and I can't convince anyone of the true effect its having on me.
I told my best friend, she says, "What do you mean you don't feel like a person? What do you feel like instead?". I do not have an answer to that question. Physically, yes, of course I am a human. And that's all she sees. I'm talking about my soul here, I feel like an alien.
Everyone disregards me or assumes I'm insane/attention seeking. I'm not trying to act better than people. I'm quiet and often ignored, I have few friends, nobody acknowledges my existence. It's quite obvious I'm not important where I am currently. But if I was where I'm supposed to be, where things made sense to me, I would be entirely different. If only I could get to that place, wherever it may be.