Strings, Doors, And Existence

I'm not a remarkable person, nor have I done anything to give myself that title. I am a lone programmer, who has found love in his life. Again, I'm nothing special. I don't know who I am, or what I am for that matter. When I am alone in my bedroom, I feel a presence in my space. It isn't frightening. Oh no. Not at all! It's a beloved thing. It sits by my side lightly while I sleep. I feel like there is something watching over me, and because of it I'm never scared. But there are times when I am scared.

I have a cretin ability to ramp down my brainwaves into a state that I can't describe. It's like being stuck in a world that's beyond our own. Time exists as a dimension, rather than a liner constant that exists on our plane. I hear things as they are one thing on one special section opposed to event driven occurrences. But in all of that something does scare me. Sometimes when I'm in this state odd things happen to me. My door makes sounds. It sounds like someone is knocking, but really there isn't anyone there. It's hard to tell if anyone is really messing with me or not but if they are it's mean.

I've had things on my headset screaming like a child. I was on the phone with my love and it sounded like a child screaming their heart out. When I asked her who it was, it was nothing. There was no screaming child, nor was there here. Physical things happen as well. I was sleeping and I opened my eyes. I saw a glowing string, vibrating and spinning in the air. I wasn't scared of it, though I did chuck a pillow at it. It was actually delightful to see the universe open up to me like that. I wish it would happen again, just more when I'm prepared so I don't throw things:)

A few other times my door swung open a few inches. We have no air pressure changes here, nor any loose hinges of such. Nobody did it, nor animal or wind. I honestly can't explain these things, but they're happening more and more often. The more I figure out the universe the more it seems to open around me. I don't know if you can feel anything from this letter but if you do- say something. There has to be something around me; some force, some reason why I'm able to see and here these things. God has a plan for me, I realize that. But for someone who sits in their room all day writing code, I'm muscular. It may be genetics, or my job, but for some reason I'm fast. I can think on my feet, and for some reason I can throw a knife into a wall with ease.

This has nothing to do with my happenings, but I am lead to believe that my body is being synced with my mind somehow. If it is, I fear what I may become. I don't see this universe like other people. I see everything as a constant called "be" which is everything at once, in a single point on an infinite expanding plane. There are many of these dots which for three dimensional objects, and from that you can create the world around you. It's a continuous loop, which is in its self "be". The only way for me to explain this is (I'm a programmer)

int be;

for (be = 0; be < be; be++)

be = be + 1;

That's the only way for me to describe it. I think in the end, I'm just crazy. I don't know who I'm sending this to, or why for that matter. I just need some help that won't shove pills down my throat.