My life has been a whirlwind since, I believe, birth. I have done a lot of soul searching and considering different aspects of my life, and looking to find more information about some things on this site.
1. I had to be about 11 or 12 (I am 23, now). I lived one house away from train tracks. There were some trees in between the tracks and the dead end of the street but they were not "thick" but enough that you couldn't see the tracks clearly. I walked with my step-dad's best friend's step-son down to the candy store down the train tracks then came back and we sat on my steps and ate the candy. It was dark out.
This glowing ball came out from the train tracks moving not very fast, but not slow either then stopped in front of my face. I don't remember what color it was exactly, a variety of different colors. I want to say maybe blues and purples, not sure though. It had swirls in it, and the swirls were moving. I don't know how else to explain it. I'd say it stopped for about 30 seconds, maybe less then zoomed away really fast, down the street going away from the tracks. I'd say it was the size of a bowling ball.
2. My mother was a single mother and my babysitter, Ms. O, claimed to be psychic. My mother said she would have séances with me. (I don't know how true this is, because I don't remember it) I know for a fact that she did mention multiple times, though, before I died that I had "special abilities". I am more of a skeptic when it comes to this, though.
3. A friend of mine and I were vacationing on Point Pleasant, NJ. We were walking the boardwalk and this woman named Ms. Fatima was doing palm readings for $20. I don't remember a lot of what she said but she did also mention that I have psychic abilities. She said to write down my dreams because they were trying to tell me something (which makes sense because I do have really vivid dreams - abnormally vivid).
I guess I am just looking for some clarification on these experiences. I have always had a wanderers disposition and though I tend to be a extrovert, I still have confusing thought patterns and at times my thoughts can be deafening. Never really understand what I'm doing or where I am going. Never comfortable in my skin, though I do consider myself attractive and confident. It is very hard to explain, but I am attempting to elaborate as best I can. A lot of the reasons I listed in the paragraph, I believe are the reasons I turned to drug and alcohol abuse, the drugs "shut my head up". I have been clean 7 months last week on the 12th and I am beginning to do soul search and attempt to find balances in my head. I was diagnosed with mental illness since about 12 years old. Bipolar, Depression, Anxiety, Identity Disorders, Dissociative Disorders, you name it. The slew of medication have only caused me to numb up and not feel anything at all.
Thank you for your help, please let me know if you have any questions to help me decide if this is some sort of psychic connection that is not being nurtured in the correct ways that may be contributing to my dilemmas.
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Just a few comment. Orbs are a fairly common representation of spirit entities. I see them often, though usually smaller than what you described and usually of one color. But this did seem to be the energy of some discarnate spirit.
I have heard it said that train tracks (and water--rivers) are easy transmitters of soul energy, sometimes from from other locations.
I do think there can be other treatments for imbalances in the brain. Amino acids are available over the counter and can provide the nutrients to replenish what is depleted by improper brain function. There are inhibitory ones that quiet the brain traffic (but don't numb you) and others that are stimulatory--which increase activity. Certain ones cross the blood-brain barrier easily, so you can feel whether they are helping you almost immediately.
But each person is different and you will have to test them out and see exactly how your body responds. But there is help out there for you. You might look into l-histidine, l-lysine or a particular form of serine. They are all inhibitory, which, from your description, sounds like what you might need (?).
Can you describe more about what you mean by your thoughts being deafening?
And when you say you never know where you're going or what you're doing, do you mean that you aren't aware of consciously guiding where you go or what you do? Again, can you describe more about this? It is important that you understand all these things if you want to break patterns.
Spiritual gifts do increase or are a result of vibrational energy, and in the head it's presence will make any blockages you might have in your energy more striking. The physical things I pointed you to can help you to rebalance and replenish your body, but that alone won't fix the energy blockages. Those are dealt with the old fashioned way: One issue at a time. So you are right to begin that process now.
Good luck in your pursuit of peace and balance.
Isle - Lora