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Development: Something Inside Of Me Keeps Changing


A rather long time ago I worriedly wrote a post as I developed this sense of being different hoping for answers. I wasn't only feeling different in the sense of being different from everybody around me, but also being very different from the person I had once been. In my last recollection I explained how my temper had been off the wall and how there would be points where I would lose myself completely and when I came back to reality, things would be broken.

Lately, things have been getting MUCH worse.

Along with my horrible temper (which a lot of times plays a part in these things) I can physically feel something twisting and turning inside of me. Almost begging to be let out so that it can reek havoc on whatever poor object or soul that brought it about. The anger I feel has become worse in the sense that now it seems nearly uncontrollable. I end up biting holes in my forearms and clawing my body up and down just to keep from blowing up. Or more importantly, to keep someone else from seeing me blow up. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can feel my chest and stomach almost caving in on themselves to the point where I feel my ribs scrape against each other. (Pretty sure that's something pre dating these experiences.) Also my breathing gets extremely labored and comes out almost like a low grunt/growl.

There's also this sensation that comes over me even when I'm not angry. It's extremely hard to describe but I will try my absolute best. It usually accompanies this voice that sounds female saying anything along the lines of "let me out. " it can be cunning, calm, and sometimes even downright seductive. I can almost feel the touch of the person I hear on my body as she attempts to persuade me. When I look in the mirror after hearing it, (or anytime for that matter) it seems like it's not me I'm looking at but someone different and that the body I'm in is not my own.

Now here's the strange feeling that accompanies this. It's an extremely odd sensation in my chest, right near my heart. The best way to describe it is this tightness and tingling that hurts and is extremely uncomfortable but is strangely pleasureful. It causes me to breathe quicker and makes that disturbing sound come from the back of my throat. I dig my nails into my chest and create long lines that bleed slightly when it happens in an attempt to control myself. Lately when it happens I start these convulsions that seem to come as a wave from my chest. To sum it all up, it makes me feel like I want to rib myself from my body. That is the most disturbing part of this. That physical sensation that overcomes me.

If anyone can offer advice to a troubled 16 year old it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you


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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, The-Cellist, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Angel9090 (2 stories) (6 posts)
8 years ago (2015-01-02)
The Cellist

I don't know if you have read my response to the post Vibrations In The Hands. I have passed the ESP test with 90 of 100 which shocked and I have been told by other psychics that I am gifted and that I can help others if I want to. Through my vibrations and with the help of my spirit guide, I have learned that the movements in your body is not caused by an illness but by a spirit and to be more precise it is by a female family member whom have died between five to ten years ago so maybe talk to your family and make a list of all the female family members including cousins who have passed away five to ten years ago. Your spirit is earthbound and needs to be crossed over and once you know who she is you are to light a while candle, summon her to the candle then call upon all the high angels to take her in the light since she is so stubborn in not wanting to go in the light. She is the type of spirit who needs to be shamed and exposed to her families before sending her into the light.
Hecate0 (152 posts)
8 years ago (2015-01-02)
Have you investigated Kundalini energy and what happens in bodies when it is released? Google it. I have a terrific book called "Kundalini Rising" written by several people, each coming from a different perspective, and many sharing experiences much like your own. You are not alone.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2015-01-02)

Have you found any yet? Anything that could explain what's happening to us?
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
8 years ago (2014-12-02)
My spots have been more active, as well. They're spreading and it burns like crazy at random times, the sparks I feel at the ends of my hands are acting up, as well. For an hour I had to stay in my room to let them burn out... It hurt.
The same feelings I have sometimes. Just try and have a purpose: Someone or something to fight for. Focus on finding answers.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-12-01)
I really need help on this because the convulsions happen all the time now. I'll be in class or with my family trying not to let the feeling in my chest overtake me. I had to get on this site again to ask for help because I just spent an hour violently contorting my body in an attempt to let the convulsions pass. It didn't work and now I feel physically weak with the voice still trying to get me to let it out. I'm honestly terrified by this point because I don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like I'm barely holding onto my humanity and that I'm leaning towards something terrible.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-14)
Does anyone else have any information on what I'm going through?
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-05)
Well, past lives can affect kind of who you are in this life. I'm not too sure myself. Just don't jump to any conclusions. I think that the reason we don't remember our past lives is because we might be afraid of repeating our old mistakes. Just be careful. 😳
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-03)
Okay I have a serious question so please humor me.
Past Lives.

Can any of the things going on with me have something to do with past lives at all? I feel like this may have something to do with one of mine.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-02)
I'm learning that there are many people that have had the same experiences as me. If there is anyone who has lived through these experiences and knows what causes them out there please help. Someone on this thread said that we are cursed. That has me worried and now I desperately want to know what's going on with me.
The last conclusion that someone came to seems highly unlikely due to reasons concerning myself that will not be discussed. Anyone that has any sort of ideas as to WHAT I am then please come forward.
Angelchick123 (1 stories) (24 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-01)
The one on your profile I'm not sure uuwant that one lol just go to my profile my email is there. If not my email is anolasco8285 [at]
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-01)
Which email did you send the information to?
Angelchick123 (1 stories) (24 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-01)
Cellist I emailed you hope I can help you solve thithis. And its alraight I know people aare not on 24/7 just want to help lol.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-11-01)
I apologize I haven't been on for a while.
And yes it does, or something like "You want to be free of this don't you?" Like it's trying to get me to let it out.
Angelchick123 (1 stories) (24 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-31)
Please cellist answer the question I asked you I think I know what's going on with you.
GeorgiaMOM (guest)
8 years ago (2014-10-31)
I recently came to this site and have had wonderful results with help from others. I remember as a teen all the conflict within myself and suffered similar situations as you have. The gripping sting of a sharp pain in my chest and feeling as though my insides were twisting and turning to the point that I would scream in pain. These things just came out of no where for no reason. From 13 up to 16 years of age and a doctor even told me I had the first stages of colitis at one point and gave me some little blue pill to take when the pains started in my stomach. Which later I found out was not the case.
I think that as we develop into women and our bodies change so much it is as if we have two separate people within us. One the child that sees the happiness in all things. And one the young woman that has seen the shameful behavior of others in our development into womanhood. Depending on your circumstances (mine were pretty ugly) you might want to keep the child and lose the lady. Unfortunately that is not possible, the two have to become one. The only thing that helped me though these dark times was my faith. Do you believe in a higher power? If so I think you should pray and meditate. Ask Him/Her to help you accept yourself and love yourself and understand that the actions of others are not your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of, you've done nothing wrong! Ask for the shame to be lifted from you and allow you to be at peace with who you truly are. Then clean house, mentally and physically and remove all that unwanted energy. Mentally you have to believe that all negativity is being removed or it will not work. Say it out loud if you need to, "I am removing all negative energy in my space and within myself TODAY!" Once you feel everything lift inside and out, bless your space in protection." Once again this will only work if you believe! With the gifts you have, you do have the power to do these things! Until you understand that, you will always be opened to negativity. The power is within you! You control what is happening and you can stop all of this with faith in yourself! I will continue to pray until your situation is resolved. Sending you all the blessings of the world and strength to deal with what has been gifted to you. You are not cursed you are blessed. And God/who ever you might believe in has big plans for you! That's why the enemy is at your door! Stay strong and fight with love! Love for yourself and love for others. May God be with you through this struggle and see you through this! And give you a new insight on yourself and the world around you.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-29)
Joni-luv that post was beautiful... I really wish I was on here earlier in my life...
*cough* Anyway, meditation, light, peace, etc.
T w T So beautiful...
Joni-luv (2 stories) (39 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-29)

I will help you, first through love's power of protection and sincerity, no harm is to come or go to anyone with what I intend for you/others.

1. Get daily sun, sit outside exposing most of your body for at least 30 minutes a day.
2. Do fun things, things that make you laugh, raise your thoughts to thought of joy & love.
3. Sincerely help anyone/don't judge them though.
4. Clean your mirrors with anything as simple as windex because it has ammonia, cover the mirrors for now if you feel you need to.
5. Create for yourself a bright colored room to sleep in, open the windows, put some chimes up, to catch the breeze from the windows or a fan.
6. Should have been number one, say aloud 'I (your full name) with the power of my higher-self, release any and all anger towards myself or others, I claim the right to my body and my own life experience. I am most happy in doing so and no one or no entity may harm, not no one, not me, not ever. I release the episodes of anything that causes me uneasiness. I allow only love, joy, and happiness in all its wonderful forms to become a permanent part of my life. I love everyone, unconditionally. Everyone is allowed to live their own life, I am only here to love them through it, as I would only want the same for my life in return.'
7. You must also create any form of relaxation that keeps guilt/shame/fear off of you and out of your mind... Take epsom salt baths for relaxation, get in nature, stay away from anything that gets you thinking negative, you are only looking to be in peace.
8. Learn to live again, from the full onset of what children experience, that freedom where everything good you can possibly write about, speak about or think about may enter your life in even greater terms in which you could think for yourself.


11. Understand and breathe in daily that love is truly the greatest gift in this world, with it no harm comes to anyone, and those that experience other thngs, we can pray-deem for them to experience a better insight to living.

Thru love, with love, in love, we are all in this world together, your life is experiencing a release of any vibration or energy less than love... And turning opening that vibration for immense love & joy to take hold of everything around you and within you.

Angelchick123 (1 stories) (24 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-27)
I think why you feel all this is because hhhhmmmm I think I have an answer but I need you to answer something first. Does the voice ever tell you that you are dumb for living a human life iir try and push you todo more like unatruall stuff?
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-25)
Also to Nephilim,
Please give me a way to contact you to speak more in depth about this because I can't seem to figure out how to comment directly to your profile.
Thank you.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-25)
To Nephilim

Reading your account caused chills to form all over my body because you described things that I've never told anyone about. The dreams. I have them every once in a while. They could not be considered as frequent as yours and almost seem random. It causes the pain in my chest and even though I try to tell myself I'm just dreaming, but the feeling always transfers to the real world.
It always starts out the same way. There's someone there but I can never get a good look at their face, their shrouded in something just like the person you were describing. I can't tell if it's a man or woman but I can tell it's someone familiar. It feels like I know them well even though I'm sure I've never encountered them prior to the dream. Like you it will touch me although it seems the one that stays with me in my sleep is different in the sense that it doesn't lick, it kisses. The kisses always start that pain in my chest and when I wake up it's like it's reached a new intensity that makes it difficult to breathe. Sometimes I can feel the touch in the real world at any given moment. Even though I can't see the person I can suddenly feel their presence and not a second after I notice them I feel a kiss on my lips.
It sounds ridiculous I know. Writing it made me feel ridiculous, but if I may be cursed with something like you said then I need to know all there is about it. If I can't be free of it then I at least need to know how to cope with it. Your suggestions are great and hopefully I can stop hurting myself.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-23)
Cellist, huh? Hello.
Your experience seems similar to my own. I know the feeling that you can't control yourself. Try not to hurt yourself or anyone else, though. Doing so will only make the problem worse.
I don't know what can help since I'm new here but just remember this:
You are human. Someone, somewhere cares about you. You are never, EVER alone in this world.
Remember that and keep fighting.
Peace and ❤,
need-You (11 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-23)
Hi Cellist,

Hope you are well. I hope I'm wrong but sounds like you may be possessed.

Try listening to this audio, and tell me if any reactions afterwards:
Nephilim (1 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-22)
Hi "Cellist",
I have to say that your story has struck a deep chord within me, and that, while I may not have an answer to your plea, I can offer you my experience going through something eerily similar.

First of all, make a list of all medications, supplements, or stimulants that you are taking on a daily basis. If you're not taking anything, skip to the next paragraph. Pharmaceutical drugs (ambien, psychotropic drugs, and pain medications can cause vivid dreams and disturb your emotional equilibrium.). While I'm not advising you to stop taking them, talk to your doctor to see if they will consider whether or not a particular medication is causing your gradual and intense behavioral shifts.

I'm going to outline what I went through, and then what I would do to combat it.
It started with a deep rage internal and heavy rage in my pre-tween years that clenched at my insides. I would try to hide my rage and lock myself in my room, and try to purge myself of the animal anger inside- and it would leave me crying and sobbing on the floor in protest and fear while my body was clenched in the throes of some sort of other-wordly rage. I rolled on the floor, arched the back (so intensely and frequently that now in my mid-twenties I have a sensitive back prone to pain and 'catching'-regardless of exercise tailored to the issue and my youthful fitness level). I could only hold out and deny the rage in the midst of a "throe" for seconds, before it built up inside of me, gathered in my chest, and felt like it split out through my eyes and mouth- growling like a rabid dog, gritting my teeth, tears flying. I would bite my arms and leave purplish green bruises the width of my mouth all across my arms in order to stifle the raging entity, stretching forward- doubling over my legs- streching this way and that to feel the pain of a tight stretch hard enough to ebb the flow of rage.
This is how it began, and it culminated in my early teens into nightmares, and the rage stopped. I won't go too deeply into the nightmares, since this is not what you're experiencing, but this is how it all ended for me.
The nightmare was always the same, and always vividly detailed- down to the individual carpet fibers, to the silky, cool, feeling of covers being slowly slid off of my legs. It would begin with me lying in bed, asleep- suddenly awoken by a tight,painful, clenching feeling encompassing my lower torso. It's impossible to describe, but it felt almost as if some being had grabbed a hard and cruel hold of each side of my torso while simultaneously pushing either side of my torso inwards towards each other (clenching and crushing) -WHILE sitting the majority of their weight into their two arms. This pain. The thought of it, to this day brings waves of anxiety, that they might one day reappear. As a teenager, I would wake from these dreams feeling the pain, and having trouble moving for several minutes after waking.
In the dreams (as vivid in detail, sensation, pain, and smell as reality), the thing (faceless, black being with the hazy black body- not in terms of race-of a human) the crushing pain would begin, I was paralyzed, the covers would slowly begin to slide off of my body onto the floor near the foot of my bed. Something would grab me by the ankles and toss me onto the floor. I could feel the individual wooly carpet fibers scratch against my calves, the cool bedroom air against my arms and neck. The pain always there. The being would proceed to lick me-never rape or fondle- but lick in nonsexual places, and at other times just stand over me and stare face-lessly while I was paralyzed on the floor. I could feel the warm we tongue across my spine, and the tingling scratch of a 5'oclock shadow across my back. Sometimes it would grab me again by the ankles, and drag me down the carpeted scratchy stairs while my body hung passively, limply- and it would leave me dumped by the door in the middle of the living room.

How I fought the nightly dreams, when only the rage had subsided- apparently switched for the nightly torments.
What do you believe in? What do you truly, thoroughly, heart and mind believe in? Love, your lover, religion, music? You'll need it.
For me, I believed (but don't any longer) in the bible. I slept with one on the bookcase near my bed, ad would bring it out every night to read before bed. I would memorize relevant scriptures, and think them through paralyzed lips while I sat powerlessly being crushed under the weight of the being. Although, I am no longer religious, I can remember a few passages- though not all. Here is one you probably know.
(Psalm 23:4) "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

Use these things to comfort you and give you strength over whatever it is that you feel is haunting you, be it emotional or spiritual.
Don't forget that these emotions your feeling are not taboo, nothing in your mind is. Be aware in the moment, and taste your anger- don't try to stifle it- taste it. Relish in it, remove yourself from the presence of others and ride it out. Surround yourself with pillows and cardboard boxes to throw in a 'safe room', where you remove anything too easy to pick up and smash.
STRETCH. When you feel those convulsions of anger, hang on tightly to what you believe in and feel strongest for - think of someone you love crying and in pain because of your rage. Force yourself to feel a sliver of guilt and empathy, and hold onto it.

Go back to that sliver when the rage takes hold again, taste the anger (it's not taboo) and remember the 'knowing' of pain you may cause, and then ride out the anger alone in a room until it passes.
TALK sense to yourself continuously. It will never come to you naturally, so talk yourself through the anger. Why you're angry, how it physically feels. Then the real reason you're angry. Force yourself, FORCE yourself to remember your love for someone you may hurt. Then, say the thing you hate hearing. Say it. Over and over, until you begin to realize it."So-and-so may have done x,y,z, but it doesn't mean that I get yell at them for it", then picture them very emotionally hurt- like the last time you lost control. Drag up that feeling of guilt, of knowing that you hurt the one that you love. Then taste the anger, and it should slowly ebb.
We are cursed, this sort of thing requires our constant vigilance, and people in our lives who truly love us. This needs to be a process done every.single.time. Rage is felt. And you neeed to apologize every, single. Time. You hurt someone. If you allow pride to grow and get int he way of apologizing and your personal growth- it feeds the demon. This demon feeds on pride and arrogance, apologies, empathy, guilt, love- those emotions kill it. They starve it, and it grows weaker each time. It's a battle of internal wills, you will lose if the goodness and willfulness inside of you, or inside of someone you love is not strong enough.
Eventually, your anger lessen, but it will be there ready to rear up and flare out- and you must be ready to go through this process in order to attempt at taming the beast each time.
Also, consider your living situation. If it is emotionally volatile in general, and full of angy and hateful people- LEAVE, or you will never get a grip on the beast. The moment you are in a peaceful environment and surrounded by genuine people, it becomes so, so, so much easier to cope with.

While I never heard a voice, or saw en entity outside of a dream I can still understand where your coming from. It's been over 6 years since I last felt that gripping, painful, ethereal and animal rage- or since I've had an 'entity' nightmare- so much had to do with the aforementioned process, and moving out on my own away from my crazy family. My own "exorcism" lol process could not have been completed without finally giving myself a peaceful place to live, where my family has limited to none visiting hours inside my home (bi/weekly lunches at restaurants instead), and my roommates are shy girls who love peace and quiet just like me. You can do it.
joanne1012 (1 stories) (4 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-20)
hi the cellist just been reading your comments I wouldn't take any notice of the psychiatrist as how many people have they said they are insane and are sane and just have a psychic ability I don't think you are paranoid either you could always go to a spiritualist church and ask for advice there, there will be people there who can help you. Take care joanne1012 (remember you are not going crazy or paranoid)
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-19)
I have been going to a psychiatrist for about a month now and anything like schizophrenia or disorders that could cause voices like that has long been ruled out. As of now all he has said about me is being paranoid. But who wouldn't be paranoid with something like this?
Hecate0 (152 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-19)
Not to be disrespectful in any way, but this could be something physical or a mental health issue. You might want to see your physician and explain your symptoms. They can rule out the physical and also troubleshoot possible psychological sources. I would do it soon given your concerns, though. I wish you the very best in handling this.
Aggers (2 stories) (27 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-18)
I wouldn't try spells if you're not familiar with them (sorry matrix)

Try to get baptised.
Try meditation.
Try the meridian tap.
Bless your home.
Charge crystals and put them underneath your bed in the order of your chakras.
If you'd like elaborations email me at agnekontrimaite [at]
Matrix_Wolf_Spirit (2 stories) (60 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-18)
Since one else wants to comment here Ill try to help you.:3

Sounds like something inside wants your body for what, I don't know. All I can say is use protection for whatever religion you believe in. Like if your christian do some prayers that deal with Arch Angel Gabriel, or if your into magick do some protection spells. There are a lot of them out there.
The-Cellist (3 stories) (17 posts)
8 years ago (2014-10-18)
Can someone please help me because this is progressively getting worse. I feel if something isn't done soon then something bad will happen, like i'll be lost to whatever is doing this to me. Even as I write this comment it feels as though I'm having to push past some unseen force to get my body to do what I want it to do and not what something else does.
Please help me.

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