Please do not overlook this story as the ranting of a 15 year old girl. This is an issue that has been affecting my life for about four years now, and to me it is a very serious subject. To the dismay of many reading, this is a 'Help Me!' article, and I apologize in advance to the people that get annoyed by such stories.
I discovered this site maybe two months ago while googling 'I don't feel human anymore.' I'm sure to a lot if people reading right now are expecting me to say something Twilight related or something about how I can control the wind at this point like many other people my age on this site do. However, that is simply not the case. I'm not some twilight fan girl that just so happens to think she's a vampire or some crazy theory like that. I'm just a girl looking for help who, at this point, has seemingly run out of places to turn.
I can't exactly pinpoint a specific date when all of these strange thoughts and feeling started popping into my head. My best estimation was during my seventh grade year so I must have been around 12 years old. That's when I started feeling so different from everyone else, but I also started having psychic experiences. I would randomly think about certain things that would suddenly pop up in my life. It started with little things. I would think of a Cartoon episode and the exact episode I thought about would come on. I wrote these off as lucky guesses. Soon I began having moments of dreaming about things and them happening in full detail the next day. An example of this would be an instance where I was volunteering at a children's hospital and the night before my work day I dreamed that my supervisor in the administration wing wasn't going to be there. I usually don't remember my dreams but that next morning I kept thinking about it. At lunch that day before I went to my administration shift I started daydreaming a bit and I randomly thought about my other supervisor saying to me, "She's not here today, she's in the ICU." When I got to the administration office, the supervisor that I had been thinking about wasn't there. Then to make things even more unusual, my other supervisor said the exact thing I imagined her saying before explaining more in depth.
That was this previous summer but the most alarming incident was about four days ago. I was sleeping and I kept getting a horrible feeling about my cousin/god brother. I just couldn't get his name out my head and I woke up in a slight panic. I went to my mom's room and woke her up. I don't know why but I just kept asking her "where's your phone? Where's your phone?" Her phone was dead on her bed and after she plugged it up and turned it on, it blew up with messages and missed calls from my aunt/ her best friend. It turned out my cousin had been at a party and was shot twice and was currently being treated for a shattered rib.
Personally I'm glad I started with those incidents because even though they baffle me, I've grown so used to occurrences such as these that they don't bother me anymore. I've taken the tests on this site and I'm anything but amazing at choosing a card from a deck.
I would love to get any info on what I explained above but there's something else that has been more, impactful on my life.
Everything I'm about to mention started a little bit more recently, perhaps two or three months ago. Reading over my recollections of everything even I find myself going "this sounds really ridiculous." I've been feeling that something inside of me has changed which initially sparked the 'I don't feel human anymore' google search. That really sums up how I'm feeling. I've looked up just about anything I could and I've been up and down this site for answers, but no accounts fit my experience well enough.
The most mild part of what I'm feeling is just the feeling of being a complete outsider. Even when I'm with a group of friends something inside of me just doesn't want to let me be there peacefully. A daydream for me can turn into an almost catatonic state just pushing me out farther as I think of being someplace else. Not in a sense that I want to get away from people, but more as I feel that there is something out there just waiting for me to figure out that it's there. Over the past few months my attitude and behavior have been completely different. I'm known for being energetic and an extrovert but lately people have been describing me as distant and even my mom has began to get concerned. I used to be able to enjoy myself in large crowds but at this point I can be in a space with a maximum six people before I start to shut down and my mind starts to drift. My daydreams have become my brain going to another world for a moment and I can almost hear something in the back of my brain saying something along the lines of 'she's completely gone.'
However, the worst thing about this new attitude change has to be my temper. I used to be very passive and laughed just about everything off. Now, my phone playing the wrong song has made me punch a hole in my wall. Next to that is my sleeping habits which has just turned into me sitting in my bed daydreaming for hours. My mom home diagnosed it as teenage insomnia, but I knew it was something different. On some nights I would daydream for hours then somehow manage to drift off but I'd always wake up turned around in my bed with ripped up sheets.
I've read up on many things but most of them have just sounded so crazy that I wrote them off. Others got closer to how I was feeling saying things like 'feeling of being alone' or 'feeling almost animalistic' but I wrote those off as well not wanting to feel any crazier than I already was. The one that that caught my attention most out of all of them was the term 'StarChild' mainly due to the feelings of feeling more than human and a strong urge to be free. But even that doesn't completely describe how I'm feeling.
I would hope that if you've taken the time to read this article, then you would take the time to give me a serious answer about both of my issues. I feel so lost at this moment that I've almost given up on myself. I don't think I'm very strong of a psychic so I apologize if you were looking for something more along those lines. To anyone that has any knowledge on the subject, please comment on what you may think is going on with me.
Thank you for looking at my story.
The-cellist
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Http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4YYEObxhAE