Hello all you knowledgeable people of the world and its doings. I am trapped in a circle of odd doubt and self worry. I am trapped in this hole that I truly do not know what to do. But, a lot of my doubt comes from something that has been brewing inside me for a long time. I am a very scientifically minded person with a knack for getting wrapped up in the supernatural for no reason other than right time right place. Well, probably not the right time nor the right place because some of these times have ended or started off badly. This Story has two parts and have to do with something deeply personal to myself.
My uncle died when I was very young. I do not know if I witnessed him killing himself but I can see it in my head. I do not know how this affected my mind, soul, or essence but it did, profoundly. Since then I have had a weird feeling throughout my body that has ravaged it. I have medical problems that I will not discuss but are not major any more. Since I was young I have had this "feeling", it is hard to explain but think about your arm, you know how far it can reach and its limits, but for me it is different. Every part of my body feels like it is not exactly a part of my own body I guess I would say. It feels more like the cage for which my inner self is set into. That is what I felt it was like for a long time, an endless feeling of trapped. But just recently that changed. It made me realize something very basic. It wasn't my body that was the cage, but my mind.
Just recently my roommate came home depressed and sick. She asked me to sit in front of her and let her put her hands on my back. I obliged and I felt her siphoning some of my energy I guess is what I would call it. But it was replaced with a warm feeling and a boon of energy came back through her other hand. She immediately calmed down and was cheerful. She was inquisitive though, she asked me numerous questions that where uncharacteristic of her. Most were about energy. She didn't believe in what she could do at all. She just knew it worked and helped her from being emotionally destroyed. But what she asked me about were things that were easily right on the spot with me. She then asked me to hold her hands.
This was the first time I have ever felt someone take energy from me. She siphoned away lot of my negative energy and replaced it with a good feeling nectar that caused me to believe that what she was talking about was real. So when I was holding her hand I tried something that I had down by my own a lot. I pushed my own energy out of my hands and into hers. I did not mention I was going to do this but it surprised her. Had she felt what I was doing? She talked to me about what it was I was doing and we were both baffled. So I pushed my... Tendril is the best I can describe it as. Deeper into her arm, up her chest and into her head. I did not explain what I was doing but this made her pass out. Much to my surprise and I woke her up scared. What had I done? I have been gifted at psychology and understanding people and there motives, but making someone sleep though non-scientific or therapeutic but rather energy based means is not possible... Is it? She said that I had built a barrier around my core where my energy comes from. She said that I had a normal amount of energy in my body, and that was just the amount leaked from the barrier. She said that I had more energy inside my core than she had ever felt besides a couple whom had trained themselves in spiritual ways.
Since my uncle's death, I have had these things that I call teeth. They are why I had built (not knowingly) barrier around my core. All I can say is that they lurk in the shadows when I am depressed. I have talked to psychologists and therapists about them and they are stumped. They take many forms but when ever I look at them I get the vision of teeth and torn flesh. I have had spiritual healers tell me to leave because I "brought them in" -- emphasis on the Them. All I know is that they are hungry and I do not know what for. When there are more than three of them, something that I call a Mouth comes. And those have actually caused physical harm to me and some of my friends, they say it and they know that it hurt them. So I do not know, it is yours to believe. Personally I wouldn't believe a word of it had it not happened to me.
If anyone has any knowledge on anything in this, please respond. I need everything I can get to better understand me, my world, and my safety.