I know I have a gift but it scares me. I cannot control it. However, I'm sure there are plenty of other people in the world who have busy lives and jobs who are just as scared as me due to similar experiences, knowing that there are people out there who are the same might help.
This is only a tiny part of what happens to me on a daily basis. I am constantly scared of what might come in the night and I have been made aware that there is good and bad out there.
It all started when I was five years old. It was a Sunday, we had been shopping and I had collected the paint charts to play shops in my bedroom whilst my parents were cooking dinner. I was in my room happily playing, when I heard a voice which asked, "Are you sure you want this?" in my head I said "Yes". The voice then said "Ok, but your life will never be the same again".
I wasn't scared. I got up and walked down stairs, my hands burning. I sat at the dinner table, proceeded to touch a plate, which left a burnt finger mark on it and then I bent a fork just by holding it. I remembered my previous life, choosing a new life some where in the clouds and being in my mother's stomach. From that day on I never felt alone. I always felt someone was with me, watching me.
My past life...
I was male, mid teens to early twenties. I wasn't English, possibly American leaving with Quakers.
I was kicking something on the floor with my brothers / friends outside the small village (it was like a commune of brown wooden houses). I remember not being as clever as the others. The grass was thicker and longer than in England and it was yellow, green and brown due to the warm weather. Alongside the village was a long road (by which we were playing). A car with two men pulled up next to us and picked me out saying that I had an extraordinary talent. They took me to the commune to arrange for me to go somewhere. I didn't understand what was going on.
The next thing I remember was running down a football pitch, in a huge stadium full of people who were cheering. The football was passed to me and I scored the goal. It turned out to be the winning goal. I didn't really understand what I was doing. All I knew was that I had to get the football in the net.
When the game finished I was told to follow another member of my team, who would look after me. We walked through the crowd and queued. I was at the back of the queue, where I didn't want to be. I started to panic, so they moved me forward one.
We were queuing to meet a lady dressed in royal blue, and two men in suits. They gave a big silver cup to the man at the front of the queue and passed it back. I was told to hold the cup in the air and then pass it on.
Choosing my next life...
I was in a white cloud like room with lots of people that I knew. We were having a good time, but were a bit sad because we were going to have to leave each other for a while. I was called... "What lesson do you want to learn this time, love or money?" I said that I wanted fame again, because I loved it. I was strongly informed that that is not the purpose of this and did I want love or money. I chose money (which worries me).
In my mother's stomach...
It was black with white lights surrounding me, like stars. These were my friends. I could here my mother's voice and I was told that she was my mother. I heard other voices and became scared. I was told not to worry, that they loved my mother and they would love me.
Following the incident in my bedroom and recalling the above to my parents, nothing happened for a while, probably a few months.
I went to bed one night and had a very vivid dream. I was in the playground at school balancing on the kerbs when I girl ran across the playground, ran up to me and said "Hello, I'm Sally Smith, I'm new and would like to be your friend". She then shook my hand and ran off.
When I got up the next morning I told my mom about the dream and went to school. Sure enough, what I dreamt happened that very day.
One of my teeth had fallen out and I put it under my pillow before I went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a beautify woman standing in the door way of my bedroom. She looked like a princess in a white wedding dress and she sparkled and she radiated pure white light.
"Oh no, you weren't meant to see me" she said.
"Does that mean I won't get my £1 for my tooth" I asked.
She said "Pardon? I don't understand, I only came to check up on you".
"If I close my eyes and pretend I haven't seen you, do I still get my £1" I asked.
The lady said "Yes, pretend you haven't seen me".
I closed my eyes, waited a bit and then opened them again. The beautiful lady had gone. I often wonder who she was.
I went to a new hairdresser, because the last one I went to made such a mess of my hair I cried for a month.
I was welcomed by a friendly girl called Mary. When I'd had my hair washed and I sat in the chair in front of the mirror Mary said,
"Sorry Breacon, but I've got an urge to ask you something, can I?"
"Yes" I said.
"Ok, you may think I'm strange, but do you ever sense things around you?"
"Yes" I said
"Is there anything you want to tell me?" she asked.
At that point I started to feel like I was being accused of something, but then in my minds eye I saw a man, dressed in blue overalls. He told me his name was John and that he was a mechanic. He said that he loved his daughter very much and he was so proud that she was a hairdresser.
I told Mary. She went pale and dropped her scissors. I apologised, but she asked me to continue as it was her dad. She asked, "What did he buy me for my 10th birthday?" In my mind I was taken to a garage where there was a blue bike resting against the right hand side wall.
Mary said yes that was true.
Then I was taken in the house, and up the stairs. At this point my throat started to go tight and I was struggling to breath. I saw a man, Mary's Dad, hanging from the loft opening on the landing. I started to panic in the hairdressers, but then my throat started to loosen.
Mary then told me how her dad hung himself from the loft on the landing.
I was so scared.
Most of the things that happen to me happen at night when I'm woken up. This happens every night, so I'll just describe a few.
I was woken up by the quilt covers being lifted up and down and flapping around me. I thought it was my boyfriend so I asked him what he was doing. There was no reply. I asked again, more firmly, what are you doing? The covers fell back down on the bed and I saw a blond girl standing next to the bed. She looked about 17. She had light blue jeans on, a blue sweatshirt and her hair was in a pony tail. I looked down and saw my boyfriend lying next to me. I started to scream.
The girl looked really sad and turned around. When she turned around her hair was a mess from behind and her back was a bit dirty. Had had a feeling that she'd been killed in some woods somewhere and she'd been left there and nobody had found her. When she got to the door she turned around and looked at me, then faded.
I was petrified.
I was staying at one of the UK's theme parks with my friend. We had a great day going around the park and then went for a meal in the restaurant in the evening.
I woke up in the night and saw someone walking across the room; the person then stood looking out of the window. I thought it was my friend. So I said "Suzzie, what are you doing?" there was no reply. I went to get up and said "Suzzie!" From the other bed, Suzzie said "yes?" I looked back at the person, who did not seem aware that I was there and they faded. I screamed and was petrified.
During the same night I managed to get back to sleep. I was woken up by a man standing over my bed staring at me. I tried to push him away with my hands but they went straight through him. He could not understand why I was there. The room was uneasy that night. He kept waking me up - he didn't want me there.
The second night was fine.
I was woken up by someone rubbing my arm. I wasn't scared; it felt like it was someone I knew. My mom I thought. The hand moved down my arm and down my leg to my ankles. My ankles were tapped like the person wanted me to move them. I moved them to the side and I felt someone sit at the bottom of my bed. I opened my eyes and saw my dad, but he was see through. I said "Dad, what are you doing here? Go back to bed! I'm asleep".
He said "No Brecon, you don't understand. I'm not your Dad. I've only come as your dad because I know that if I came as myself you would be scared". I said "Dad, stop being an idiot and go back to bed!" The figment said "Please Brecon you don't understand. I need to know how your mom is. Is she ok?". "Ask her yourself!"
Then there was another voice to my left who got angry and said "Tell us how your mother is. We need to know!" I refused and said "LEAVE ME ALONE". The female voice said "Ok Brecon. We will never bother you again".
The next morning when I got up I ask my mom why my dad had been in my room last night.
She said that my dad had only got up once to go to the toilet. He went in their ensuite and was in bed the rest of the night. There was no way he had been in my room.
I think it was my Nan and granddad.
I have also been taken somewhere in my dreams.
I was met by a woman that was in the body of my sister. I knew it wasn't my sister. She said "Brecon, I've come as your sister so I don't scare you". "I know" I said. I felt at home and not scared but happy.
The lady told me that I was here to be a visitor, just for a while. I could go anywhere except for over to the right field / area.
I walked up a path, which was surrounded by green grass and lovely flowers.
I went into a building where there were a few people resting. "Here she is" a few said. They all knew me and had been expecting me. I didn't know them. I wasn't really interested either. I was there to relax. I spend some time there and got a bit bored so I started to walk over to the right area. Before the fence was a little Japanese type garden. It was beautiful.
While I was looking at the garden and over it (trying to see what was in the right area where I wasn't allowed to go) the lady came by my side and told me that I couldn't get any closer and that it was time to go.
I thanked her.
When I woke up the next morning I felt so happy and rejuvenated.
I get voices in my dreams. Giving me instructions and explaining things to me. I know I'm asleep when I'm being told and I remember thinking to myself "I must remember this". I know it is high level stuff about the world, universe etc. When I wake up I can't remember what I was told.
One thing I do remember being told in one of my dreams was to look at the alphabet. Apparently, if you break the alphabet down it is made of set shapes, rotated in different ways and put on top of one another to make other letters. The voice said "Look, they weren't very inventive were they. If you take the set shapes you will get a message". I haven't done this yet, so I'll do it now... I get vilcoj. Wonder what that means?
Another thing I have been told is to surround myself in an egg when I'm scared. The egg will protect me.
I would like not to be scared and be able to develop. I don't want to join a church or a group; I don't know what to do next.