I first started contacting spirits about a year ago through the ouija board. I have seen apparitions twice about four years ago with my boyfriend who did not see them. One was an angelic figure, the other was a farmer. I have not seen any since then. I have come to believe that those spirits were protective spirits who came to me because of the awful depressed mood I constantly picked up from him which seemed to transfer into my own mood.
Through the ouija board and automatic writing I talk with mainly four spirit guides and my cousin who passed away a few years ago. I see these figures in my head. Sometimes they change clothes and ages, one even changes gender. I often feel like spirits come to visit me. I feel their presence like someone is watching me. As a child I was afraid of windows, especially when it was dark outside. I could not have any posters in my room or pictures of people I didn't know because I couldn't sleep at night since it felt like they were staring at me. The image of skulls or eyeballs freak me out.
My father never let me watch scary movies, he told me I was too sensitive. It especially surprised me when I was about to turn on the movie Ghost and he freaked out telling me not to watch it because it would mess with my head. He didn't want to take me to graveyards. When my cousin died and I was 14 he didn't even ask if I wanted to go to the funeral.
He told me he heard voices as a child but after ignoring them they finally went away. He has told me to not mess with any spiritual stuff like this, because my cousin "got in with the devil" as he says and ended up committing suicide. My family is extremely baptist. I wonder if my dad knows something I don't about me and my cousin that he isn't telling me. He has never tried to keep my little sister from doing anything and insists that my sister and I are two different people. Although, I am 21 and she is 16 he has always been extremely protective over me. My father will tell me his dreams and ask me what I think they mean and talk about how our family members sometimes appear to him and talk with him. My mother and sister rarely have any dreams they remember. Basically they don't even have nightmares even though I have an active dream life and as a child couldn't even sleep with the light off until I was about ten because my nightmares would mix with my reality so bad that even after I woke up it took time for me to differentiate between the two worlds.
My cousin was like a son to my father. When I tried to talk to my cousin about it on the ouija board he told me that he was sorry I have the same abilities as he did. He said all he could do was see things, but I can see and hear things which he seemed to believe was much worse. He told me that he was my father's son in response to us all having the same issues. I don't know what that means exactly.
My most intense memory of my cousin was when I was with him at my grandma's and he was staring out the window, pointing, and hyperventilating and freaking out because we couldn't see the figure by the tree that he was so insistent was there. At this time he was about 16 and I was 8. I remember looking at my grandma's face and seeing how worried she was. My dad's response was that my cousin was probably doing some type of drugs. Apparently my cousin wrote a letter after he committed suicide which my name was in. Either I dreamed this, but I'm pretty sure I didn't but I was talking to my dad about the letter and telling him I wanted to see it. He said that I wasn't in the letter, and told me for about the twentieth time that he would try to find a good time to let my grandma show me the letter. It's been about 8 years since he died and I still haven't seen the letter, although my cousin has often insisted through our chats on the ouija board that I should read it.
When I first started the ouija board I would get a clammy feeling and my hands would start freezing I would feel a presence like someone was urging me to go get the ouija board. Then I would end up getting the board out and talking with someone who was just curious and wanted attention, but really had confused messages. I still get things coming to speak to me in my head, most of the time I ignore them if they aren't one of my spirit guides because usually they have nothing serious or relevant to say. Now it seems that the ouija board has become a spring board. I no longer look to see what it has to say I merely hear the voices in my head and feel the energy of teh planchette moving and use it to confirm yes or no if I get confused.
A few months ago I got on the ouija board with one of my close friends who I hadn't seen in a while. I had been doing some automatic writing earlier that day and my spirit guide seemed excited about knowing I would be on the ouija board and told me that she had a surprise for me tonight. As soon as I got on the ouija board that night I began intercepting pictures, voices, sounds, dreams, and stories which had never happened before. The planchette became more of an energy ball that just confirmed yes or no as words came spilling out of my mouth. My friend was sitting in the chair crying, because I just sat staring at the wall and telling him all of these intimate parts and stories of his life I had never even heard of. From what I gather the reason it was so intense was because his father was his spirit guide and he was trying to get his son to straighten up and follow a better life path. I spoke like I was someone else and I kept having to force myself to say, "the persons says this" because it seemed like I was tapping into some kind of collective consciousness and even though it was my voice speaking, the words belonged to someone else. It was like I had more than two eyes. I saw the wall I was staring at, but it felt like the other part of me was dreaming visions. A lot of times the words weren't straight like, "Your father says that you should do this..." It sounded more like, "there is a sailboat, the wind is blowing, and there is a little girl in a yellow dress, she looks at you and wants you to share your sandwich, but you won't do it."
Then the spirit would interpret the picture, saying that since my friend was going into the marine corps, he is leaving behind his niece and nephew. The sailboat shows his freedom, but also the consequences he will have to deal with to obtain this freedom. Then the spirit would say that my friend had a problem with sharing, he was constantly stingy. He only thought of himself rather than other people. Then the spirit would explain how his stinginess would inhibit future opportunities. Then I would find out that the vision connected to a dream my friend had or a song he used to listen to with his father or a favorite movie or animal from childhood. It was like his father was trying to speak through images that his son would understand, knowing that only the two of them would know. I even described a person to him that he had been hateful to in boot camp and how this person would one day maybe help to save his life, but would actually think twice about it because of how awful he had treated him. The voices had a humor and personality to them that did not belong to me.
I also had one girl visit me who saw me in the grave yard. She absorbed herself into me. I could feel her feelings. I felt if I asked her to go away she would be angry. After reading Edgar Cayce's book I realized I had picked her up through a common feeling of sympathy by looking at her baby brother and sister's grave. She watched me all the time I could feel that she was jealous that I was alive and she wasn't. She was around the same age as me. She became so oppressive that I asked for help from the ouija board and one of her brothers came to me to tell me her story and told me to tell her to go to the light that it was time to leave this world. When I told her that she got so angry I could feel her flaming inside of me. Finally I asked her to leave because she was frightening me and she let me see her leave my mind in a white ball of light and float away. I haven't felt her since. If that was what being a medium feels like I definitely was not prepared for it. When I work with tarot cards I feel the right set to lay down and my spirit guides allow me to see things I wouldn't normally see. They communicate with me through songs on the radio. My cd often skips to a numbered song and a certain place in the road and says two lines and then changes itself. I find that the place I'm at, street signs, other signs, words in the songs, all work together to contribute a meaning. I've found that they have given my life number 5 to me and the number 6 to my husband. Through numerology my husband and I have found that pretty much everything in our life from our birthdays, the time we have known each other, to our former addresses, and the number of our names have added up to these numbers.
I want to enhance these abilities, but I'm not sure what the purpose would be. I have a few friends who are receptive to the idea of speaking to the dead and all, but most of my family is totally against it. I would like to help other people in some way by doing these things. I felt that I did help my friend by speaking with his father, but I also felt that I tapped into a lot of private emotions and other stories he would have never wanted me to see. So, I've only tried reading my friends tarot cards and giving them spiritual advice. Whenever I have read the bible lately I have been led to the books of the prophets. Reading their language sounds just like my voice did that night with my friend on the board. I don't think I can bring this knowledge to myself. According to my spirit guides, it comes when someone is needing to hear it and their is a spirit ready to give the information to me. I feel like I have an advantage, because I already knew him pretty well even though I didn't know most of what I told him. So, I guess my question is, how can I enhance these abilities and use them to help others? Or should I even try to enhance them with the freaked out responses of my father and cousin?