Five years ago, at the tender age of 49, I was drawn to other forms of healing, when awful repressed childhood memories flooded me. I was functioning less and dissociating more. While learning about energy work, I met and 'studied' with a wonderful woman who was a much needed support and resource. She quickly brought out my ability to open up and see things, including past life work, a spirit guide, etc. I began doing Reiki on myself and fiance with surprising results. I passed through Reiki I but was pinching pennies by level II and then stopped going to see this woman. Fortunately, during that year I grew so much. And today I enjoy the gift of almost total clarity.
I am a therapist and try to pass this on to my clients. I have a few clients who want energy work. One client, 'Lee" came in a week ago. I prepared myself and room as always but as soon as I started, I felt something very different. Her energy was amped and there was this vortex of energy, like a whirlpool, opening from her heart chakra upward. She was very blocked everywhere else and could only see blue no matter where I was working. I started joking, 'telling' her throat chakra that HE'D get his turn, etc.
Then I wondered why I said 'HE and HIS' and gave myself a mental smack in the forehead. In that moment I knew her dad was trying to connect, but after a few more mental smacks, I could fight these thoughts. Until 7 seconds later. I started seeing a man's foggy featureless head in front of my right shoulder and had the urge to tell Lee... what? I don't know, something!
I was really having a brain battle, and the words 'crazy' and 'fraud' were hurled back and forth. I kept trying to block all of this. Then out of the dust I sensed there was a judging worried part of me attacking from my right shoulder.
I thought, maybe I was just reading her energy. 'It' reminded me that. Yes, Lee's dad died last year and she's still grieving, and yes, she and her family have supposedly contacted him before through Rosemary Altea. But I don't believe in that. Past lives MAYBE but this? No way. (Thank you dear reader, for pointing out the paradox here)
I suddenly KNEW her dad, a powerful man in life, was over my right shoulder. Or that I'd lost my mind.
But suddenly my hands formed into signs. Couldn't stop it. My right hand formed the sign for I Love You. My left hand formed a sign that didn't make sense to either of us, until she checked with her sister that night, and learned it had much relevance.
Then I had this intense knowing of what to say, with drawings, visual memories, messages for her mother. My mouth couldn't keep up with the thoughts in my brain. After almost 2 hours I was able to pull back and end. But he stayed with me after she left.
I had trouble negotiating with him to leave, and, shoring up my own energy. It was the same feeling I had all day and night on 9/11. Like my energy was spread too thin, like I was sending out too much without knowing, or it was being pulled without permission. Eventually I asked sternly enough, and went shopping. Always grounds me. And I 'KNEW' he hates shopping...
He visited a few times this week, but I was able to shield myself. That is, until I saw her today. She walked in and BAM he was front and center. Had a hard time disconnecting but I was able to in a shorter timeframe than last week.
Except for 9/11, I have never before noticed this kind of experience. Trying to make sense of what's really happening. How can I strengthen myself, should I learn more, should I encourage this. (Now move quickly to the next paragraph!)
I need to stop judging everything and wishing it never happened. I need to stop being uncomfortable with even the idea that this is possible for me.
I tried looking up my former energy mentor, but she is a continent away until october. I need help. And I'm looking here for some clarity. Starting to lose mine.