Hey everyone. I don't really know what to call this or if it falls into the realm of the psychic, but I don't know what it is, and I have never met anyone who has this to the extent I do. So hopefully someone here can point me in the right direction, or even better relate!
I'm a 20-year-old young woman, and I don't know exactly when this started happening, but I can recall the first distinct instances when I was maybe 9 or 10.
I feel weird talking about this. It makes me feel really arrogant. But I need to figure this out.
I can "read" people. Highly accurately, within a few minutes of meeting them. I know their hopes and fears, if they have experienced trauma or abuse and roughly what kind, I know if they are lying or hiding things from me, and I know, from the moment I first lay eyes on them, if they are basically good or bad. I can predict what people will say. I know what their home life was like. I know what their weakest point is. I can also do this with people I meet online, to an extent, without ever seeing or speaking to them.
I have very occasionally seen auras (more on this in a bit), but usually, I can more sense them.
I used to tell people what I saw in them. But I discovered that it frightened people, because I was so accurate. I would scare people off because I saw so much of them, before they'd had a chance to see any of me.
I learned not to tell people, because it frightened them. But I loved "reading" people because as a writer, the more of the human experience I understand the relate to the better I write.
My writing often makes people cry, and I wonder if it is related to this.
When I got older, I started accidentally manipulating people. I don't think I'm any more manipulative than the average decent person - I certainly never try to be. But people tend to just do whatever I want, even if I don't ask for it outright. Even if I've only thought it.
This has caused problems for me. The first is that I feel guilty - I often don't realize I'm doing it. I think I have average degrees of selfishness. I can have selfish thoughts, but I know they're selfish and I don't try to push them on people. But I feel like I have to be extra careful, because if I give even a slight amount of leeway to my selfish thoughts, I can manipulate people without even knowing.
The second is in relationships. I often don't know if the people I date actually love me, or if they've become entranced by me. I had an ex, not long after we broke up, say that I could "make anyone fall in love with me." Since then I always feel unsure in relationships. I don't want to make someone love me - I want them to love me on my own merit.
I tend to be the person people come to with their problems. I have... A feeling, or a personality maybe, that I can project when someone is hurting. People often tell me that they feel like I am the first person to "completely understand them."
I used to get very burdened by this, to the point where I would snap and hermit away because of all the pressure. I was diagnosed as having an emotional disorder around this time.
Since then I feel I've grown, and I can handle it much better. I don't take on as much of people's emotions, and my social circle is smaller. I feel like that is much more comfortable to me, and I've become much more stable and happy. Now I wonder if I was ever really "sick," or if it was related to this.
And the last thing, which I'll try to be as PG about as possible, is sex. Once I started having sex, I realized that when I touch someone's bare skin (even if it's not overtly sexual), I can see even more of them. This is when I tend to see auras. I love to touch people's skin, because they instantly open up to me.
This is how I found the person I'm currently... Shall we say, very much smitten with. He likes me, and he's a wonderful guy. His aura is bright white. And I can't manipulate him. I can see his soul as clearly as anyone else's, but I can't manipulate him. Which, I think, means he must like me for me, not because I've somehow molded his mind. That is such a wonderful feeling to me, because it's so rare.
What would make someone immune to this... Something, that I have? Does anyone know?
I guess that's enough of my rambling. As you can see I'm pretty confused about it, and I don't even know if this all ties together!
Can anyone help me?