I am Miranda and I am 17 years old. I apologize for the length of the story, however I have many questions about myself I am hoping you all can help me. It started when I was born, I was a naturally independent child, and a naturally kind child. I always obeyed my parents, I always knew the "right thing to do" as in I had a very strong intuition. I wasn't even potty trained, at the age of two I just went on the toilet myself without being told. I was always naturally kind, and I was very observant. I have also always had psychic abilities, such as dreaming of the future and always hearing and sometimes hearing spirits.
People have always complimented me on my eyes, which are a very light green with a tint of blue and people constantly tell me how easy it is to look into my eyes. I have about a dozen of spirits in my house, and each and every one of them has made themselves known to me. I always saw the wrong in things (and still do) and always wanted to change them, it always had bothered me so much to see so much wrong in the world and always wanted to do something but I couldn't because I was "just a kid" to everyone else. To this day I still feel the same, although I am taken a bit more seriously but not much.
I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family. My parents divorced by age two, my mother remarried by the age of 3, and my dad is a bad alcoholic and my step dad turned out to be one too as well as they are both narcissists. Growing up was hard and painful for me. I wasn't like most kids, I enjoyed talking to adults more than kids my age and enjoyed having deep conversations. I was very anti-social because I could never relate to children my own age. I was also an outcast in my family and got criticized for it frequently by my step dad and dad.
I have always been so observant and aware of everything. I've always been thirsty for knowledge, but only for things I'm interested in such as psychology and all things metaphysical. I was born with the knowing that I had a different destiny than everyone else, not as in I am better than others but just that my journey on earth is supposed to be different and that I am supposed to make a change. However, because other the constant reminder from my dad and step dad that I was worthless eventually wore down on me. I always knew I was differently and I hated always having it thrown in my face. I have has severe depression since I was a child which I think was triggered at age 6 because of the death of my uncle in September 2004 and then the death of my grandfather whom I was very close with two months after in December. I ended up struggling in school and when I was 12 my depression became debilitating. It only grew worse over the years. During those horrible 5 years I still had some passion, I am always the first to want to help someone which turned into putting everyone else first. I have such passion for humanity and always have had big dreams of helping people all over the world. But because of my extremely low self-esteem and low body image (later diagnosed as Body Dysmorphic Disorder) I let people take advantage of me and I became everyone else's doormat.
People will constantly tell me that there is just something about me that makes them feel comfortable telling me anything, and that people just gravitate towards me. I've always been a dreamer and always had a great imagination. Around 8th grade is when I became defiant because I knew my stepdad was wrong with how he treated me and I hated the fact that everything in my house just wasn't right. Eventually I just learned to deal with him and our relationship got a bit better, but not by much. By 11th grade I had been hospitalized 3 times because of my depression and became totally hopeless.
My weight has always fluctuated drastically, I can gain 20 pounds in a month, but my thyroid and everything is normal. I have been on multiple antidepressants over the years which haven't worked, and could have caused my weight gain. In the beginning of 11th grade around October I experienced my first manic episode. I have since then been diagnosed as bipolar but my body is very treatment resistant.
I also don't comply with the way schools teach. My brain goes on overload very quickly and I burn out within a few months of school. Because of this I dropped out three months ago and I am in GED classes which is more personalized and I have realized my potential. The teaching is different and now I seem to understand and I am getting my GED within 3 months which is a short amount of time compared to the average rate in my class. I find it so frustrating and stressful to do things I do not want to do, it is dreadful. I have been conflicted because I am torn between my spirituality and logic.
I don't know if I am just an average human and I'm just being crazy thinking all of these things but I have many traits/ abilities that Crystal, Indigo, and Rainbow Children have. Like an indigo, I have always been independent and very strong willed and I have always been told I am more mature than my age. I have always been extremely emotionally reactive, I ALWAYS want to do things my own way (not to be defiant but just because I'm independent). I have always been very creative (always singing, drawing, painting), and I have been diagnosed with ADD, and I am very environmentally sensitive. However, like a Crystal Child, I am always forgiving, too forgiving sometimes and I am extremely observant and notice everything. I have always seen love in everyone even when I shouldn't. I have a hard time defending myself or even letting go of people because I see all the good even when the bad overpowers it. Again, I have always been artistic and often singing. I have been told I have natural healing abilities and have always loved all types of rocks and crystals, and I am extremely sensitive to food and medications. I have always loved nature and everything about it, and I have also always had a love for animals and even when I am being defiant I don't yell or get loud because I hate yelling and I am very good at staying calm. The only similarity I have to a Rainbow child (other than the overlapping qualities of Rainbows, Crystals, and Indigos) is the intense passion for creativity.
I have been searching for answers about myself for years and I can't seem to figure it out, the only thing I recently figured out is that my dream is to do something in the arts, such as music or painting. I have been using a psychic circle sometimes with friends to talk to my spirit guide whom I have met, and whenever I ask questions about my future she won't tell me, my other friends who I use it with will get told some things about their future by their spirit guides that actually come true. My spirit guide says it will be a "surprise", what does all of this mean? If anyone could give me advice about this it would be greatly appreciated. Again, I apologize for the length but I feel like in order understand or to help me properly you need some of the backstory. Thank you!