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Indigo? Empath? Nothing?


Ever since I was a baby, I've been regarded as "different".

My mom described me as a "strange" baby- I hardly smiled, I gave strangers weird looks and I suffered from multiple ear infections because I hardly cried and they could never tell that something was wrong with me. My parents even thought I was autistic. I've always felt emotions strongly. At the age of 1, my parents took me to a circus and I bawled my eyes out and screamed at the sight of a chained up elephant. These could all just be quirks, but some things haven't changed.

When I was younger, I used to feel random and intense feelings of empathy and sadness for people I hardly knew. In 1st grade, I met a boy on the playground and pushed him on a swing and then cried the entire way home. In fifth grade, I prayed for random people that I had unexplained emotions toward (I was religious but I'm not anymore). I know that empaths say that they feel other's emotions, but I don't know why these feelings affected me so much as a child. It was intense, scary and made me feel incredibly sad.

I often have been considered an "old soul" and I strongly feel like I'm not new to this earth. I am a loner and spend a lot of time alone in my room. I've also been diagnosed with ADD and depression. Sometimes I loathe going to school because of the intense negative emotions that I feel. I have few, intelligent friends and cannot be around people that aren't intelligent. As a child I had terrifying and prophetic dreams. I also read people very well. In addition to these traits, young children and babies are drawn to me but I clash with adults (I'm 18) and feel like I'm older and wiser than them. I'm not trying to sound arrogant and in fact suffer from a lot of self doubt.

The reason I wrote this post is because I have been interested in the spiritual aspects of life for a long time. I often feel very alone, and am incredibly depressed. I feel out of place and surrounded by negative energy. I want to be able to change that. I don't know why I feel such strong, negative emotions but I want to be able to channel any gifts I might have and surround myself with positive energy. I'm not sure if some of it might have to do with my parents (both have suffered from intense physical and mental abuse as a child) but they definitely carry a negative energy around them that makes it difficult for me to be around them (they're divorced though and I live with my mom). Many electric appliances have broken around my house and people have even joked about how my family should "get the house blessed". I guess I just want to know what it is I'm experiencing, or if it's all just a coincidence. Thank you in advance and for reading my lengthy post.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, lillianabra, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

PhoenixFlame13 (1 stories) (1 posts)
9 years ago (2015-05-26)
I've read both of your posts and I have similar experiences both with being empathic and a strange child and having emotional issues and with forced astral projection by unknown entities. I also feel like an old soul who doesn't quite belong here and I've had multiple encounters with entities forcing me out of my body. If there's any way we could talk, let me know. I want to understand myself too so it might help if we could compare experiences.
Sarahjennings (guest)
9 years ago (2015-05-05)
Ur not depressed in fact not even close. This is a gift! You are an Empath and feeling others feelings can be great but it can also wear you out. Take pride in your gift! Anyone who has time feel free to check my story's (2) and help me please... Anyway good luck girl
Hecate0 (152 posts)
9 years ago (2015-04-30)
Lillianabra, you might still hear some of that demonizing done on this site, too. But what is so cool is reading all of the comments here on your story and all of this loving support. When people start to preach from their own dogma here, someone usually just chimes in that we all have our own perspectives. Mutual respect, love and support seem to reign supreme here. I am very grateful that Anne V., the creator of these sites, won the lottery and gave this to us all.

Thanks for your story and trust in us. It is a cool group here.
Zero-oreZ (1 stories) (5 posts)
9 years ago (2015-04-30)
Wow. You just described me except the depression and I get along with adults. But I need to tell you something it is VERY important but I'm going on a limb here and say you are a female. So anyway females around the ages of puberty to mid twenties with depression are EXTREMELY likely to manifest a poltergeist. Wiki definition So you need to hang out with people with positive energy. I know what you are going through and trust me you will be okay. Any how here are ways empaths can protect themselves


Hope it helps
lillianabra (2 stories) (3 posts)
9 years ago (2015-04-27)
Thank you to everyone who offered advice. I was raised in a home that sort of demonized psychics, meditation, etc and it made it difficult for me to actually come across it on my own. I didn't realize how callous I came across in my post but I was trying so hard to fit as much information as possible. I appreciate it all and I am going to do some more soul searching and meditation and hopefully surround myself in positive energy.
JessicaWho (2 stories) (3 posts)
9 years ago (2015-04-27)
I'm sorry but I'm going to tell you to develop a thicker skin. You have to remember to think positive. You could try a "every cloud has a silver lining". I feel as though your personal energy level is so low you picking up the wrong vibes. Try to "THINK POSITIVE". Get on a different wave length. Experience the beauty of life. It's difficult when your family members who are closely in tuned with you are negative. Go with the flow so to speak. Join in with them to an extent. Don't be too plagued by the negative emotions, put up a good fight. You mental state may be depressed so your picking up on negative emotions. I know what you mean. A lot of people are negative or Angry. Think about the effect of anti-depressants they can make you slightly angry because when your angry your not sad. You have to try to find that part of yourself that is you, the authentic you. Sorry you've had to experience so many negative emotions. I would think about how to use this knowledge to your advantage. I often lay low to get off people's radar. I want them to forget about me to an extent cause it sort of closes that door. There is something else that helps sometimes. Try to make others happy and then experience that happiness. Do something nice for them, send them flowers, buy them a gift. Say encouraging words to them. I know it's not your responsibility but try to bring some joy into their lives. Then sit back and bask in it.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
9 years ago (2015-04-26)
The same emotion is carried through many of us, however its through few at the same time.
I believe in everything and nothing.
Everything happens for a reason.
Nothing is an accident.
I know I'm not new here, as young as I am I've been through enough to see the big picture in my eyes.
Like it or not, we all have hardships and insecurities. Sometimes I don't like focusing on the why.
Why does this happen? Why am I like this?
So many common questions. Asking questions is perfectly fine unless you ask the ones nobody has the answers to except yourself in the back of your gut.
My friend... What I will say is this. Answers come with time and curiosity, but too much curiosity leads to more questions.
Tread safely on your journey. Draw your own conclusions. Its your life. Never, ever let anything take it from you. Because if you do, it will still be yours, but you can only watch from behind your own eyes.
I have a feeling a lot of us will give words of advice, whoever "we" are. I don't know, I wanted to go on the site randomly today.
It'd be interesting if I knew you before, but then again, I don't remember things sometimes for a reason.
Go to what benefits you. You are you, psychic, medium, or whatever you want to call yourself, we all exist.
We're all human, in our own ways. Spirit or not we're all connected. Remember that.
Who knows? Maybe we all meet someday...
Peace and Light,
Drakoreo (2 stories) (37 posts)
9 years ago (2015-04-26)
I feel very strongly I must give you this message.

Child you are a vibrant light of this Earth, everything of who you are and do is a magnificent gift to this realm, which ignites and heals every life you touch with a divine healing energy which you carry, and bless this world with by your compassion, prayer, and even presense. Surely child, you may not feel home here, you may not feel comfortable because of the sickness in this world, but that is why your divine light is nessisary. Thank you. Please though, do not over tire yourself, do not forget to take care of your needs, surely, surely child you are as important as any other being, just as much loved and diserving of good treatment as every other. You are not forgotten, you are so much loved, so much appreciated, and so much supported.

Angels, spirit guides, your Family of Light, however you know them or call them to be, are with you.
InjuredAngelHeero (4 stories) (87 posts)
9 years ago (2015-04-24)
I've experienced some of these things as well, I can't say if your an indigo/crystal/rainbow child or not, but I found that having friends that are equally interested and accepting of the spiritual aspects of life and death can help with the feeling of being alone; if you can find someone that is more experienced in it and you can tolerate being around may be good to feel connected.

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