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I Have Psychic Experiences Yet No Control Thereof

 

I am confident that there have been strong psychic workings in my life. However, I am less confident that I myself am actually psychic. I am inclined to believe that I am, but given my current state I find it hard to truly be sure of anything. At this point I am not well and I have been in a very strange, downward spiral since I was roughly seventeen. I am posting this in hopes of receiving guidance in regards to what I believe to be the metaphysical aspects of my current situation. Before I describe these details, I feel that it would be wise for me give a little situational context.

Firstly, I was strictly raised as a Southern Baptist which disinclined me to even entertain the possibility of such matters. This lead to quite a crisis of faith and conscience. I am now, simply put, a non-denominational Christian who knows that I don't know. In the past six years I have had many misadventures, the headlines of which would read as follows.

I've consistently fallen prey to debilitating, trance-like ritualism such as, on several hundred different occasions, buying a new notebook and pen to write a declaration of hate and sorrow induced self-evolution. I've had countless confrontations with different people in my life despite my best of intentions. One particularly unfortunate incident lead to my arrest. I worked for a year and a half in company of which I was the common joke among my boss and coworkers. I lived in a haunted house. The curtains moved, demons flashed about and tempers were drastic (especially mine). It was undeniably a dark place. Many preachers and such met with me to in some way attempt to deliver me of my afflictions. After my first mental hospitalization I began intermittent drug abuse. I've had many inexplicable health issues, despite innumerable visits to doctors. These issues started in the years before any drug use. I've had many sightings of demons and other spirits (both completely sober and otherwise). I had repeated contact with a medium for the purpose of exorcism and such. She was little to no help (which very well may be my fault). I later cut ties with her at the behest of my mother (who was the one who originally sought her involvement). On my second mental hospitalization I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder and placed on a plethora of troublesome anti-psychotics. I did not handle these well and do not presently take any medication. I just recently failed out of my first semester of college and had to move back in with my mother, younger sisters and new step-family.

I could write a lengthy and fairly intense novel on the past half-dozen years of my life, but the above notes provide a very high-level summary. It may be worth noting that I used to be a very good kid and, quite honestly, was severely bullied for it. I never so much as cursed until I was 19. From that point onward events in my life started heating up and I began to devolve at an ever-increasing rate. Also, except for my horrible dependence on caffeine and nicotine (both of which I'm desperately trying to sever) I am living a completely sober life. So with all of that being said, I'll get into the matters for which I'm seeking guidance.

I've never appreciated being touched, and I become very stressed in groups and crowds (a couple of doctors/therapists have suggested that I may be, to some degree, autistic). At different points in my life I have felt crawling and sometimes burning on various parts of my body. The physical areas affected are my scalp, feet, hands and upper back. Most of the beds I have slept in at some point shook. I'm terrified of sleep, for I often fearfully jolt awake just as I begin to fall asleep. I also tend to have nightmares. Even after I finally manage to get some amount of irregular sleep I awake exhausted. I often feel as though I'm being stung and I have spent an impressively large amount of time searching for vanishing insects that most likely weren't physically there. I tend to see dark flashes, and sometimes lamps flicker around me (especially if I'm attempting to describe any of this to someone). I sometimes see what my googling has defined as 'spirit sparkles'. At times I feel as if there is energy resting upon my face that I can slightly move. I tend to have thoughts of a subject just before it organically occurs in my life, but not in such a manner that I can distinguish these thoughts as foreknowledge until after said events have transpired. Lastly, this simply may be a case of insane bipolarity, but I honestly don't believe that all of my thoughts are my completely my own. It's as if there's a dark and strangely ritualistic tint to my inner voice and decisions thereof.

On a personal note, I'd like to say that I understand that, ultimately, I have no one to blame but myself for my current situation. I'm not trying to make excuses, I'm simply at a time in my life where I'm trying to holistically heal, and I'm hoping that I can find even just a little help on the psychic side of all of this by posting this writing. I've tried many psychic exercises and meditations that I've found online but nothing thus far has brought me any peace. I don't even actually know what has been happening to me. I wish to be in control rather than be controlled. I'm grateful for any and all feedback; I'd like to thank you all in advance.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, N0menNesci0, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

N0menNesci0 (1 stories) (1 posts)
 
3 years ago (2016-07-06)
Thank you all for your advice and support. I've taken a little time to reply because I needed to seriously consider what has been said. Wise points have been made, and I feel much more confident about my situation.
cayce17 (7 stories) (192 posts)
 
3 years ago (2016-06-24)
N0menNesci0, there may be demons surrounding your life to make you feel uncomfortable around people. I can help you with your demons problem and maybe find out if you possess abilities yourself, because demons usually target people with abilities more so than humans, here's my e-mail if you want to contact me for more help and information on your current situation: rainashea16 [at] gmail.com
Gabbie (55 posts)
 
3 years ago (2016-06-20)
You must forgive yourself.

From the way you write and go about things, I feel like you keep questioning whether you did wrong or no, on your decisions made in life, dwelling and blaming yourself and your lack of understanding for everything. This, not only prevents you from seeing the whole picture but it stops you from progressing, both spiritually and in the physical world, as a person, as a human.

All humans are born with the potential to develop their spiritual side. It all depends on the connection they have to it. Some people are born with that connection strong, and their spiritual side awakened, some awaken at some point during their life and some others never do.

When you speak of spirituality, never confuse it with Religion, whatever that religion stands for. The Spiritual, is an entire world, an entire dimension, just as the Physical is. Within which, reside all spiritual beings, creatures, energies (conscious and non conscious) etc. Connecting to the Spiritual, is, in fact, a human need, unfortunately not for all to realize. It is in our nature to be able to connect to our very souls, to the spiritual, as all is connectd to God, the Creator of it all.

Darkness cannot harm, unless allowed. Bad habits, fears, dwelling in bad emotions and situations, are things that even though they do not cause harm to a third party, they do cause harm to oneself. That, itself, is bad, and is inflicting damage both to one's soul and physical body. Apart from the physical damage that is caused by not taking care of one's self, the damage of the soul, harms both the spirit and the body. First of, demons, feed off all this negativity surounding you, and generated by you and your own thoughts and actions. So they make sure you generate them to begin with. Your vulnerability caused by your damaged mentality, and lack of knowledge and understanding as to how to protect yourself and as to what is exactly going on, allows them to mess with you in a variety of ways.

Even though you claim to be a very nice person with other people, you need to learn that it is of vital importance to treat yourself with the same respect and understanding you treat others. Setting yourself second, stepping back when you need to actually stand up for yourself, leaves you with regrets, anger towards yourself for allowing things to happen, for ending up even feeling angry and hurt, and as time goes by, all these negative feelings and thoughts keep gathering, and if not handled properly, they settle, and that's bad.

First of, negative emotions, thoughts, actions, are a form of darkness. They nurture it, they allow it to settle within us, overshadowing our Light. That, alone, can cause a lot of harm to a person's mentality, such as phobias, stress, sometimes can have even physical effects, such as an illness, or pains, exhaustion. Lastly, it can cause mental illnesses, such as depression, or maybe even what you go through. And the most importat of them all, it withers the soul. It damages it. Don't get me wrong, a lot is also caused just by physical factors, genetics etc. I am only explaining part of what is happening or can happen. This darkness lingering within you, and which has been there since you were young, is slowly obtaining conscioussness, and begins to think on its own, act on its own, and a lot of times, is influenced by these demons. Hence the feeling you have, over something making your desicions for you.

A demon, cannot touch the Light, but can surely touch the Darkness. It is not always our fault, that we fill ourselves and souls with darkness.Unfortunately, the world we live in, is itself Dark, sinister and dirty. We all learn to focus on the physical, on pleasure of the flesh and not growth of the spirit.Today's way of life, is leading us to further stray from our true nature, causing us to feel this internal eternal gap, constant unhappiness. People keep trying to fill it in through materials,relationships, but it never truly leaves. One can only feel fullfilment when their true potential is met.

Make sure you give up on your addictions and bad habits. And it would be wise if you started cleansing your energy, and shielding yourself from all this negativity and demons surrounding you. What I like to do, is pray, connect to that Light within me and let it flow through me, fill me with this warm and strong feeling. I keep doing so until the feeling is overwhelming, and then I spread it all over my body with the intet to cleanse both my soul and body, off of all these bad and unwanted energies that might be stuck on me and in me, during the day. And when I am done, I like to visualize this white Light, spreading around me, closing me up in a bubble with the command to deflect all demonic, harmful and foreign energies it might come in contact with. I command it to be really strong and solid. Another thing I like to do, is to form energy orbs. You can command them to cleanse you, eg. Cleanse your head (as a lot of manipulated energy gathers there) or you can make some before sleep to push back all demonic energies, that might try to harm you during the night. Make sure to always cleanse and shield before bed, and make some orbs and let them float in your room with the command to cleanse the energy within (to decrease the rate of nightmares and jolts).

If you need more help or wish to ask any questions, I have my email up on my profile. Feel free to email me anytime.

Talk soon
Gabbie
jasmine_glaze (84 posts)
 
3 years ago (2016-06-20)
Dear N0menNesci0,

From all of what you discussed, I can clearly see you are in trouble. First of all it's good that you gave up on drugs, they are opening people up to demonic encounters and do much more harm than good (you already know it from experience).

As for the hauntings you are experiencing, even if you are trying and doing your best to straighten your life, the darkness from within your soul cannot be so easily erased. However, you seem to have a strong will that allows for both the change and you acknowledge what is the problem in your life.

You also mention you don't like being touched. It doesn't have to mean you're autistic - many people don't like being touched. You should also note down the fact that you have been feeling the energies on your body and see the sparkles. I believe you never truly liked people touching you (even when you were a child).

When people touch us, it might feel like a jolt of dirty energy - it's caused by the forgeign energies interacting with our own personal energy. It can be the worst when the forgein energies are negative (which you have already experienced with the spirits interacting with your body, i'm referring to the burning and the nightmares which are caused by demons that feed off your negative energy)

There are many techniques to help with the nightmares, the burning sensation and the problem with crowds of people. It takes work on your personal strength, but I see your motivation and want for the positive is very strong inside. You have a strong soul and acknowledge weaknesses.

If you wish to learn how to defend yourself from all of it, look up the email in my profile.

Yours,
Jasmine

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