I was wondering how I can reopen my psychic abilities. I have been psychic for as long as I can remember, but about a year ago there was a lot going on in my life. Two of my grandparents had passed away within months and I was just in a bad mental state. I found my abilities to be overwhelming and out of my control. They scared me a lot, and all of my friends that I told thought I was a freak. One night I was so overwhelmed that I told God that I didn't want my abilities anymore and that I couldn't handle it. I remember that night I had an image of a door closing in my head. On the inside of the door was a lot of light and as it closed I can remember darkness all around me. I woke up the next morning and it felt like all of my abilities had been shut off. I couldn't feel other emotions as well or know people's thoughts. I no longer had images of the near future either and everything just seemed to shut off. For a while I was ok with this and appreciated the silence however ever since then I have been in a very deep depression. It's like I can't explain my sadness sometimes and it hurts me. I'm thinking that this could be the problem since these feelings began after I asked for my abilities to be removed. I've thought about it for a while and I think I want to reopen my abilities in hopes that it'll make me feel more whole and not like there's a part of me missing. I don't know what to do. If I asked for my abilities to be removed are they gone forever? Any help would be amazing.
Also a few nights ago I had a dream which I rarely have psychic dreams anymore. However in this dream there was two of me one good and one bad and they were chasing after each other. In the dream I was switching back and forth between both of them and the last thing I remember was I was "good" me and the "bad" me was getting very close to me and was about to find me. I'm not sure what this means but I hope it's helpful.