From as far back as I can remember, I have always felt that I had a connection to the spiritual world but I have always been overwhelmed with this feeling that I should not explore it any further. Almost like I'm getting a warning. Both my grandmother (Father's mother) and great-grandmother (mother of my grandfather) have medium abilities and have had many experiences with the spirit world. I've always been able to feel the presence of someone else and I've had instances where bowls were thrown across my room at college. But I've always been absolutely terrified and tried to avoid spirits as much as possible.
A few months ago, I was looking into my spirituality and researching different paths of witchcraft as that's something I've always been drawn to. I finally decided I was going to purchase books and do some reading on how to begin practicing. That night, I had a very vivid dream of a spirit wrapping it's hands around my neck and aggressively warning me to stay away and to never open myself up to the spirit world.
I of course couldn't help but obey. I haven't done any research since.
I can't seem to shake the feeling that there is a reason for all of this. There has to be a reason why I've always been irrational afraid of spirit and cried when I've sensed their presence. Why, my soul has always been drawn to it and why I am getting warnings to stay away. I can't help but think maybe something has happened in a past life and that's the reason I'm being told to stay away from opening myself up to it.
I am wondering if anyone has any sort of explanations for this? Is it possible that I have medium abilities but closed my soul off from the spirit world? Is there a reason I am getting these warnings? Has anyone had experiences like this before? I'm not even sure I have abilities but I just can't shake this feeling that something is wrong or something has happened to me that I should know about.
I understand that my story is more of a question but I have to know what others in the community think. Thank you.